life with toddler - feeling burnt out

[Chloris33]

I think I just need a space to say how hard and exhausting it is sometimes mothering a very intense little 22 month old boy. I think toddlerhood is intense in general - the tantrums, the protests, the emotional neediness, though I do think some toddlers are more or less easy than others and my son has a pretty intense personality. He's gorgeous but strong-willed, defiant, hyperactive (my mum is an educational psychologist and thinks he is properly hyperactive - I'm hoping this will settle down!), clever but with not enough speech to express himself so he's frustrated a lot of the time. He wakes anytime from 5am and tears around the house non-stop. If I can't match his energy and give him the attention he wants he will chuck everything he can reach onto the floor, bite me etc. Yesterday his phobia of the hoover was such that even when I'd put it away he refused all day to walk on his own when downstairs, and screamed and cried if I didn't carry him, shouting his word for hoover. Recently my husband was away for 8 days, then the day he returned my mother-in-law arrived for a 10 day visit (we're on the last few days now) and she is not the easiest. My son and I have been almost constantly ill since he started nursery in September. I feel burnt out, and guilty that lately I've been cross and irritable with my son, and just desperately seeking time out to rest, which fuels my son's more difficult behaviour because he is cross that I am not engaging with him enough. I don't have any family locally to help. I know this is just life, but I needed to be able to have a moan!

[MommaGee]

I know he's been away recently but is hubby around much? Cab he give you a break from the lo for both your sanity?

[Carta60]

Does Ds sleep well? Wondered if your mil or dh could look after him once he's in bed so you could pop out? For a walk even for some space...

[blondieblonde]

Woah - sounds super stressful (and I have two). Firstly, you're doing really well. Secondly, all this is normal. Thirdly, you're worried because you feel you're doing it alone -- get your husband to engage more. Good luck.

[blondieblonde]

Fourthly, mother in law 2 day max rule. Always.

[FourToTheFloor]

I had an easy dd1. Dd2 who sleeps much better than dd1 ever did (dropped night feeds at 8 weeks and pretty slept through since) is a harder baby/toddler because she's just so full on and does the destroying-everything if I take my eyes off her!

Had Dd2 been dd1...well we may have stayed a family of 3

[PonkAlert]

We've started treating DD1 (23 months) like a puppy since DD2 was born five weeks ago. I take her to the park every morning to get her energy out and after lunch I put her in her waterproofs and unleash her in the garden for a good hour whatever the weather. They are just relentless at this age!

Also can you channel his energy into useful tasks? DD1 loves unloading the washing machine, tearing up lettuce leaves, shelling peas, wiping surfaces, putting stuff in the bin etc. It keeps her occupied for five minutes and she loves the praise she receives for helping out.

DD1 is also terrified of the hoover so I just leave it until she's in bed, is that an option for you?

We are very lucky and have lots of family support nearby but it is still really hard. When she's driving me up the wall I try and remind myself of past annoying behaviours that turned out to be a passing phase and think about how this too shall pass - she won't still be trying to draw on the walls every second my back is turned when she's 10...I hope!

[Etak15]

My ds (23 months) is scared of Hoover too - or oooover as he calls it, anything is a oooover - hairdryer, hedge cutters, lawn mowers outside, hand dryers in toilets, big loud fridges in shops, oooover oooover ooooover!!!
Luckily he's got older siblings to play with while I oooover I can't do it when they're at school - even if he's asleep because that hour is used for some other household job!!

[Chloris33]

Thanks all for your kind responses. There are some great tips here. I've also realised I think DS may be going through some kind of developmental leap and that things are more full on than usual. He was awake for 3.5 hours in the night last night (thankfully DH did most of it), which is unusual. My friend wrote maybe it's 'developMENTAL! and I liked that.
Channelling DS's energy into useful tasks is a great idea, he really loves being involved in tasks. X

[Runningbutnotscared]

ponk I also treat my 23 month old like a puppy (although it helps that I have a dog who needs walked). Every morning after breakfast we go for a walk. In the rain or snow or wind or, sometimes but not often, in the sun we walk.
On the odd occasion we don't ds is like a whirlwind - It's much better for everyone that he has had the opportunity to run about a bit.

TBH I'm surprised people can get away without exercising their toddler first thing?

Would an after breakfast walk suit you op?

[MommaGee]

Hoover, hand dryer - why are they all so scary????

Like the puppy idea except my puppy hates mornings and can't walk yet haha. Maybe one of those posh puppies in the handbag