What do your partners do to help?

[reign1]

Just wondering what your other halves do to help.. I find mine does very little without having to be told

[GreenGoblin0]

my partner had exactly the same role as I do.

[LordRothermereBlackshirtCunt]

"Help"? You don't "help" to look after your own child. You "parent".

[Smartleatherbag]

Is he your partner or your child? Seriously, I'd not be putting up with that. How old are the kids?

[SpeakNoWords]

"Help" with parenting or around the house?

When he's at home my DP does everything I would do, without prompting beyond a quick discussion of who's doing what.

[reign1]

My baby is 4 months

I think because I've always done everything he's just got used to me doing it so doesn't think he needs to

[PoppyPicklesPenguin]

Do you not allow him to parent or has he seen it as your role?

[reign1]

I mean more with the baby.

I do all house work, cleaning, washing, etc

But with regards to baby things I have to ask to bath him, put him to bed, and even when I do it all I come down to find nothing has been done such as sterilising etc

[reign1]

As I started breastfeeding I did everything. Where now he's just so used to me doing it all he doesn't bat an eye lid.

[Sleeplessinmybedroom]

if Dp is home we share child care pretty much 50/50. He does more night wakings than me and gets up with Dd most mornings. He gives her milk and changes her nappy and feeds the cat. I'm a sahm at the moment so I do the majority of the housework. When he gets home I usually cook and he washes up. We take it in turns at putting the baby to bed and whoever doesn't tidies the living room. He puts the rubbish and recycling out as well.

[ohtheholidays]

Do you mean with housework,shopping,childcare,cooking,gardening?If so we do it all between us.

There's some jobs that are my DH's and some that are mine,but if one of us is struggling(not feeling well,bad nights sleep or just busy)then the other one will step in and help get whatever it is done or will do it instead.

My DH is really good but I have had arguments with him in the past because we did go through a stage where I'd have to ask him to do something that was so obvious to me,so I lost it one day and had a real rant at him about it and he came out with the old chestnut "you only have to ask me and I'll do whatever it is"which didn't help my mood

I told him there and then that it's bloody exhausting to have to think for another adult all the time and I asked him if he'd want to spend the next 50 years + having to think for me all the time,that's when he got it.

I still have to point things out now and again but it's not constant anymore.

[SpeakNoWords]

Is he useless in his job or just at home? If it is just at home then he is choosing to let you down. Tell him that he needs to step up, that x/y/z are his responsibility and you expect him to do it without being told. Point out that to not do it is to be a negligent parent to his new baby.

[CountFosco]

As I started breastfeeding I did everything. Where now he's just so used to me doing it all he doesn't bat an eye lid.

Sorry this is no excuse. I have 3 DC, all BF for years and DH did everything else when he was home when I was on maternity leave.

Now he probably does most of the day to day parenting because he works locally whereas I have a commute. When the kids were little we both worked PT which I think made a difference, although admittedly the fact that he applied to work PT and got in in the face of all the social expectation at his work tells you everything you need to know about his attitude to parenting.

[PinkiePiesCupcakes]

My partner does what I dont and I do what she dont.
If I don't put DD to bed, she'll put DD to bed. If she don't cook tea, I'll cook tea etc etc.
Its part of being a partnership IMO.

[Mybugslife]

Me and DP are completely 50/50. He does as much as I do in the house and with my dd (who isn't biologically his). We are just about to have another baby and I'm not worried in the lightest about the sharing of roles, I hate to admit it but he's pretty amazing ;)

A relationship is about caring for each other's needs, not being a lazy ass and expecting your partner to do all the work

[reign1]

We argue over this on a daily basis. It's really not healthy. 5/7 days I know it would be easier to be on my own but of corse I still love him and don't want my child to come from a broken home. All I want is more help and appreciation!

[SpeakNoWords]

What's his reason for not helping you?

[myfirstbaba]

He used to say 'he works' but now he doesn't even say that. He just says if he wants me to do anything then ask otherwise he presumes he doesn't need to do anything!

[Ohdearducks]

Sounds like he thinks it's beneath him but as you're somehow 'lesser' than him it's ok for you. It's disrespectful and bloody entitled, he needs to step up and do his share.

[Agadooo]

My OH does work very hard but at home only thing he does is mow the grass-that's it regards the house n kids.

[SpeakNoWords]

Did you name change OP?

[myfirstbaba]

SpeakNoWords

Yes sorry for confusion

[myfirstbaba]

Yes sorry x

[MoreGilmoreGirls]

My DH does not "help" he parents his kids. He works full time and I am a SAHM so I spend more time parenting but when he's home he does more than his fair share.

[SpeakNoWords]

So he's wilfully checking out of his responsibilities by being totally passive. Who does he think tells you what to do! It's blindingly obvious what needs doing for the welfare of your baby.

I would tell him how he isn't taking any responsibility and that it isn't good enough. Go through once with him what needs doing regularly and tell him what you think is fair for him to do. Tell him this is an ongoing need, so unless you have another discussion and agree something else, this is what he needs to do continually. I would also tell him that if he can't manage it, then there's no point him being there as a burden and not pulling his weight.