HELP - how do I establish whether my 13year old (yr9) still believes in Father Christmas?

[Wills]

I have four DC and she's number 2. I have always operated v. strict rules that protect the younger one's beliefs so as an example when my eldest (3.5 yrs older than DD2) once told her the FC doesn't exist she was subsequently not allowed to help in the (after the younger children have gone to bed) Xmas eve preparations which I have tried to make as grown up thing that only people who can keep the secret can do. So.... DD2 now knows that the easter bunny doesn't exist but also knows to "keep the secret" so that the younger two can still live in that lovely "bubble". But this has meant that whenever I question her on Father Christmas I don't know how to interpret her response. She responds almost as rote, but is that because she knows my rules or because some part of her still believes. If you could suggest ways that I could approach her I'd be really grateful.

[ijustwannadance]

Do you really think your 13 year old actually believes in father christmas?

[OutragedKoala]

I don't think DC would still believe at 13

[Costacoffeeplease]

13, really?

[DownWithThisSortaThing]

She must know by now op
If your older DC has told her then other people or kids at school probably have too.

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

She doesn't believe. HTH.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Why does it matter? What does it change? Surely everyone gets stockings and talks about Santa regardless of belief?

[EmpressOfTheSevenOceans]

If she does still believe at 13 then hadn't you better tell her before either someone else does who may not be as gentle about it as you are?

[QueenOfTheNaps]

She doesn't believe. BUT if you still have doubt, I suggest sending DC3 and DC4 to bed on xmas eve, waiting a while then saying something like DC2 its your turn to go to bed now... If she doesn't believe she's only left with DC1 and will then ask if she can be involved in the prep?
I hope that made sense, very possibly not.
As a side note, I was the baby of the family and I had major doubt (maybe I was 12ish??) but I was so sad to come down that Xmas morning and mum hadn't put the presents out yet. She then came down the stairs with her sack full saying 'ho ho ho'. Honestly, it confirmed FC wasn't real and I was just a little put out. I probably knew he wasn't, I just wanted the magic to continue :)
Ok, after writing all of that I've changed my mind - send her to bed with the young ones and let her have the magic of Xmas, even if she knows it's not 'real'

[blueistheonlycolourwefeel]

Are you seriously asking if your 13 year old still believes in fc??!!

[Haffdonga]

Well mine are now 17 and 20 and they've never admitted they don't believe in case they don't get the presents

I've never thought it necessary to force the truth out of them.

[RobberBride]

When you're a teen, I think believing in Santa is like believing that your parents don't have sex. You know the truth really, but it is a lot more comfortable for everyone if you don't question it and try to keep up the illusion!

[KirstyinNorway]

Haaa robber that made me snort.

I believed in Santa for a ridiculously long time, because my parents had taken me to Lapland to meet Santa age about 7 and I reasoned that they wouldn't spend all that money for a fake. Still. 13 is a bit extreme.

[uhoh2016]

13? Really? She knows. She's doing the "keep the secret" but from you instead of her siblings.

[ArriettyMatilda]

I was 13 before I voiced my doubts and even then I still believed, I was just unsure. Why do you feel the need to approach her, can't you wait for her to ask?

[pklme]

Ask DC1.
Also, be a little less careful with the preparation around her, so she gradually realises if she hasn't already. My DS was upset that he had been lied to about it. Some kids need a gradual reveal, IYSWIM.

[BigGreenOlives]

We work on the basis that those who believe receive. Dd has left school & is studying a science at university however I'm sure she'll put a Christmas stocking out.

[Goddessoftheduvet]

'If you don't believe, you don't receive'.

My nearly 12 year old still enjoys the whole thing but she knows perfectly well it's her Dad or me. It's still a lot of fun.

[PurpleDaisies]

We work on the basis that those who believe receive. Dd has left school & is studying a science at university however I'm sure she'll put a Christmas stocking out.

You mean those who pretend to believe receive.

[DrE678]

13? You missed the boat years ago!

[BigGreenOlives]

Purple I'd never ask if they were pretending or whether they believe or not. No one has ever said they don't believe or made any comments about FC not being real. We stopped going to visit FC when they were around 7/8. They all believe in the Easter Bunny too. We seem to have a chocolate & gift based belief system.

[PurpleDaisies]

They all believe in the Easter Bunny too. We seem to have a chocolate & gift based belief system.

You mean they pretend to believe in the Easter bunny.

[NickyEds]

She knows. I pretended to believe for ages after I knew because I didn't want to spoil the magic. We still keep up the pretence with my sister's dc and they are 17, 18 and 19, we now have to tell them to be back from the pub before Santa passes them by. I get a text on Christmas morning saying 'he's been!'.

[pregnantat50]

there is also an advantage to her pretending to believe...it means she can ask for things on her christmas list that mum and dad wouldn't/couldnt buy, believing Santa may oblige..without feeling guilty/greedy :)

[Meadows76]

Oh dear. Yes at 13 of course she knows he isn't real.

[scrappydappydoo]

At 13 i think she knows but if she still believes she needs to be told. I would get her alone and start gently with a what do you want from fc, then a what do think dc 3&4 want from fc and see how she reacts then take your cue with how to proceed by talking about your ideas and asking her to help this year...