My four year old son will not draw or write at school because he says he can't do it. He's started reception this year, but is a summer baby. With that in mind, he's pretty on par with the oldest in the class: he's pretty much as good as anyone else with reading and is above average on numbers.
My point is not to try to bask in the achievements of my child - but to say that he CAN do it. There's no learning issue here. He has low confidence. He just HATES not being able to draw 'a tree' (a recognisable tree) and doesn't buy into the idea of learning how to do it at all - it's all or nothing.
This is a very sensitive subject for me. For my whole life I have fought fear of failure and intense self criticism. To me, my achievements are never good enough and I never feel good enough to apply for jobs or put myself forward for things career wise. I realise that this is psychologically exhausting but I cannot shift this self antagonism.
All I try to do is shield it from my son, and attempt to relay positive images about TRYING and learning, no matter how much of a hypocrite I feel. I've focused on this from a young age with him because I'm so aware of how much this way of thinking limits me and how having low self confidence is a self perpetuating nightmare. I am very careful to avoid language of achievement with him and to focus on the enjoyment of learning.
I am now so upset that I have obviously not managed to do this - he was on my lap screaming and crying 'I CAN'T DO IT' when I suggested he draw a tree and I couldn't help burst into tears. I felt like he was inheriting my illness
And I am so confused as to where to go with him now. I don't want to make a big issue of it. I just want him to see what a wonderful and totally unique little person he is - and I want him to learn well before I did about how trying (and failing) is sometimes the best thing that can happen to you.
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How to deal with fear of failure/'can't do it' ...
4 replies
BestBeastie · 04/11/2016 18:14
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