Worlds worst mother

(33 Posts)
Grimnorthener Wed 02-Nov-16 19:35:36

I feel like the worlds worst mother at the moment I just want to cry.

Ever since my 3 year old moved from him for to a real bed about 3 months ago, he stopped sleeping 7-7 and hasn't slept through the night since. His routine has remained the same and it's stories and sleep by 7:30. But he can then be up 3 or 4 times in the night, sometimes crying, sometimes trying to get in with me. Until about a fortnight ago I would just lament and drag him in with me for peace but he is such a fidget and takes up so much space I just wasn't sleeping.

So every time he wakes up in the night I return him to his own bed, 9 times out of 10 this results in hysterics. I got a gro clock about a week ago but so far he has just totally ignored it. He is also up for the day anytime between 4:30 and 5:30.

He has bags under his eyes and his behaviour is shot to shit. He is grumpy and misbehaves which I think is due to being so tired. I work full time and I feel like the only times I see him I am arguing with him through the night or a walking, moody zombie in the morning. I am so, so, so exhausted.

Between work and not sleeping I don't have the energy to play with him in the evenings, it's all I can do not to walk through the door and go straight to bed.

Please help. Help me figure out how to get him to stay in bed. I could accept he is an early riser if only he would stay in bed. I feel so guilty, like I must be doing something wrong

sad

Carrotpuree Wed 02-Nov-16 19:44:12

Moved from where to a big bed? Whatever the change was I am sorry you are having such a tough time flowers, but please know you are not the worlds worst parent. Have you seen the Pirate Pete books - the one on potty training is the best known but there is also one about getting a big bed which our DS loved when he moved over. It might help xx

fishyfishyfishfish Wed 02-Nov-16 19:48:03

Could you get a camp bed or z bed and stay next to him for a bit? At least you'd get some rest and it may help him get used to it.

peaceloveandbiscuits Wed 02-Nov-16 19:51:57

Keep consistent in how you deal with the waking up. Does he fall asleep with you in the room or on his own? Treat every wake up exactly like bedtime - back to his bed, night light on? tucked in. If you're staying within sight when he goes to bed, you'll have to either stop doing that or do it during the night too.
I've been there, I was suicidal with the sleep deprivation. Four weeks of consistent behaviour and he now sleeps through reliably, so you CAN beat this and you WILL sleep again.

peaceloveandbiscuits Wed 02-Nov-16 19:52:39

flowersflowersflowers for you because it is soul destroying.

TarkaLiotta Wed 02-Nov-16 19:55:23

What does he say about it? Not when he's up at night I mean, but if you talk to him about it at a time when neither of you are half asleep! Sleep deprivation is a killer - lots of sympathy wine

instantly Wed 02-Nov-16 20:01:09

I think all you can do is make sure he's fed and been to the loo before bed, so that's not waking him up, then consistently give him no attention in the night and keep returning him to bed. He's got to break before you do.

Sometimes when I was desperate I'd sleep with a pillow on my head to muffle the screams. Eventually they give up....

brew for you

TarkaLiotta Wed 02-Nov-16 20:18:45

Sleep with a pillow on your head to muffle the screams? Seriously? Wow.

NapQueen Wed 02-Nov-16 20:21:08

Do you have a dp or dh to share the nights with?

C9nsistency is key here and hard as it is he needs to be put back to bed every time he wakes.

Sticker chart?

Penhacked Wed 02-Nov-16 20:22:30

Try putting him back in the cot if that worked. Or his little bed next to yours so he can hold your hand in the night?

letmepeeinpeace Wed 02-Nov-16 20:25:52

Pillow over your head to muffle the screams! Poor kids shockhmm

AliceInHinterland Wed 02-Nov-16 20:27:08

Similar to the poster suggesting a camp bed, could you do a gradual retreat, so sleep right next to him for three nights, then move your bed next to the door, then the landing?

TarkaLiotta Wed 02-Nov-16 20:27:19

We had the mattress from DD's cot next to our bed for a long time after she went into her big bed. It varied how often she used it, but I think it also helped her feel more secure to know that she could use it if she needed to be near us.

Back in the cot? Or a bed tent might make him feel more enclosed if that's what he liked about his cot?

Alorsmum Wed 02-Nov-16 20:27:29

I'm up for pillow over head to muffle screams.
Sometimes overtired little ones need to scream it out

TarkaLiotta Wed 02-Nov-16 20:31:15

Or more often they need a compassionate loving parent to help them.

TarkaLiotta Wed 02-Nov-16 20:32:48

millpondsleepclinic.com/baby-books/our-book/ This book also has some more detailed suggestions about tackling sleep issues - definitely worth a read.

instantly Wed 02-Nov-16 20:43:28

Wow what? Parents need sleep too.

I had to work the next day. Dd could spend it snoozing. Since when do parents' needs not matter?

peaceloveandbiscuits Wed 02-Nov-16 21:42:33

Anyone judging on this thread has never been to the edge.

letmepeeinpeace Wed 02-Nov-16 21:47:31

I have actually but I've never ever left my children to scream. I've rocked them, fed them and comforted them. I'm their mum ffs

instantly Thu 03-Nov-16 09:26:45

Lucky you. Evidently you're super woman or maybe you just haven't lived the same life as me

SmallBee Thu 03-Nov-16 09:33:20

For all the Judgey Judgersons here, whilst I think it's obviously fantastic you were able to rock and sing your children to sleep all the live long night, how how extending your infinite compassion to the OP instead of kicking her when she's down.
Your children are different to hers.
You are different to her.
Your situations are different.
She needs help, so help, or back off.

SmallBee Thu 03-Nov-16 09:34:05

How about *

Willowesd Thu 03-Nov-16 10:06:32

Ugh the mummy martyrs are out in force hmm

A three year old who won't sleep is a completely different thing to a newborn crying in the night. Three year olds don't need their parents becoming depressed, sleep deprived and incapable of doing a day's work because they have a child that won't sleep.

If you are up all night with a child you are actually preventing them from learning to sleep on their own. Children need sleep and a parent's job is to teach them to do that. The most effective way is NOT to go to them every time they cry and martyring yourself helps no one.

2014newme Thu 03-Nov-16 10:09:45

Ear plugs.

Shadowboy Thu 03-Nov-16 10:15:11

Cold turkey it would be from me - sorry. We did two nights of cold turkey with my daughter (2 years old) and we've not had a problem since. We have a camera monitor so could see she was 'fine'. I'm sorry but if you need to work and the lack of sleep is effecting your relationship then it needs sorting. A 3 year old is not a newborn that needs rocking to sleep. I would go in, with the same wording each time. 'It's time for bed, everyone is sleeping. I love you and you are safe and warm- see you in the morning' close door.... that's what we did for two nights and I can honestly hand on heart say we've not had an issue since.

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