Son on his way to a&e....do I travel?

(11 Posts)
user1477495297 Thu 27-Oct-16 11:15:56

Me and dc children have been split up for 3 years nearly. He moved 120 miles away and dc see him in school holidays which is now. They are with him now.

Had a phone call from ex about an hour ago to say my sons eye looks really red and sore and swollen - my son is most definelty allergic to something in exs house, the last 2 times dc have been there, ds has come home with itchy eyes. I've mentioned this to ex and he's never seemed bothered about it.

Anyway he's sent me a what's app of ds and his eye looks awful. I've told ex to take him to get it seen too. Ex has said the only option is a&e as ds is obviously not registered with the doctors there and he rang them just to check and they can't do anything.

His eye just looks so bad and ds is also autistic. He's very used to hospitals and won't be phased by going but I don't know how he will cope with his dad taking him and not me. I'm really tempted to just jump in my car and go. I could be there in a couple of hours. But then they could just give him some drops and it could be nothing.

I'm struggling with the ex dealing with things like this, he has absolutely nothing to do with ds special needs. He has no input whatsoever. We don't hear that much from him when the kids are with me.

But then I think 'no he should realise that this is what having kids on your own is like'. I'm constantly taking ds to hospital for all sorts and the ex doesn't realise how hard it can be for me.

I just feel awful my little boy is going to a&e without mummy.

user1477495297 Thu 27-Oct-16 11:18:52

The first sentence of this should say dc dad.

Also should add he's 7 too.

Imnotaslimjim Thu 27-Oct-16 11:33:14

It must feel very strange for you to be so disconnected from your DS while this is going on. However, it does sound like he just needs an eye wash and some drops and he'll be ok. By the time you get there he will likely be back at his dad's and I doubt your exdh will thank you for just turning up. Ask him to keep you updated and if it seems more than just a reaction to something, then go down there. You also need to ask him to try and figure out what DS is reacting to. Does he have any animals there?

JunosRevenge Thu 27-Oct-16 11:33:25

I'd go.

Hope he's ok, OP.

flowerschocolate

Shootingstar2289 Thu 27-Oct-16 11:38:26

I understand how you feel. I spilt up with my sons dad years ago, my son also has Autism. I worry myself sick when he is with his dad as his dad doesn't have much input - in fact my exs family doesn't even believe my son has Autism.

I would probably feel the same and want to be there too, but realistically by the time you get there he would of probably been and gone from being checked and all would be ok. Probably some antihistamines or eye drops. Does your ex have pets that your child could be allergic too? Could he not take him to your ex's Gp surgery? They are able to see people on holiday I'm sure - particularly a child.

My son hates hospitals!

Hope the next few days of half term go fast so you can get your babies home. smile

user1477495297 Thu 27-Oct-16 11:43:38

It is, I just know how to deal with ds when hospital is involved and the ex has no idea.

The ex actually lives with his mum and dad still and they have ferrets. They've just recently within the last 6 months got 2 new ones. They live outside in a big shed type thing but obviously my kids always want to go and see them etc. That's the only thing I can think it could be. It's frustrating cos I keep saying he's allergic to something but none of them seem to take on board what I'm saying. Last time he needed the Monday off school to recover, he was sneezing and so tired.

They promised me this time ds would go no where near the ferrets and ex still says he hasn't seen them so it could be something else. Whatever it is, this time they have to take notice that something clearly does not mix with ds.

It's just a shame as both my dcs have the best time up there, they absolutely love going.

I'm going to give it another hour and see. I've just spoken to my son and he just said 'hi mummy I'm feeling ever so sad'. Broke my heart. If they've not seen him within the hour I'll set off, even if it's just to give ds a cuddle. If he didn't have special needs, I'd wouldn't be worrying so much. It's just all the explaining you have to do to the doctors about his condition when ex doesn't really have a clue himself x

user1477495297 Thu 27-Oct-16 11:46:10

It's so hard isn't it shooting star, I have such a close bond with my boy. I'm the only person that's allowed to cuddle him, he won't let anyone else near him.

Our families sound pretty similar, exs family are the same but they are still brilliant with my boy. It's just in situations like this....they will not have a clue how to handle it. Hugs to you x

Shootingstar2289 Thu 27-Oct-16 12:26:40

It is hard. They are great with him too but believe he is just a bit naughty (he's not even naughty lol). My ex mil is a bit old school about autism etc.

I had a problem with my ex a while ago. He was living in a caravan and smoking like a train in it. (Smoking in a house is probably bad enough but a small space like a caravan?). Every time my son went there he would come back with a irritating. cough. My ex told me he doesn't smoke inside when he's there but I told him the third hand smoke probably still lingered in the carpet, sofa, bed etc.

Hope your boys eye clears up very soon for him. My ex also had ferrets at one point. I wasn't keen as my son has no sense of danger/lack of understanding and worried he'd would get bit by thinking it was a cat and stroking it lol.

I would want to be there with him too but I'm sure he will be fine. 🙂

user1477495297 Thu 27-Oct-16 12:31:16

Right so he's seen a dr - good job I didn't set off as he would be back at his nanas by the time I got there - and the dr said it's a bad allergic reaction to something.

It has to be something at his dad/nanas house....so how do I handle this one? Stop dcs from going? I don't want to do that as they love it up there so much but obviously I can't keep sending ds if this is going to keep happening. He's already missed 2 days of school last term due to him coming home on a Sunday all sneezy with runny eyes.

I'm hoping they will see now how bad ds can get and figure something out. All I can think of is it being the ferrets. Ex has assured me ds has not been anywhere near them but my other dc has along with everyone else in the house so it could of passed on to him somehow.

LizzyBennett Thu 27-Oct-16 12:38:16

Can he take antihistamines? My mum's badly allergic to my cat, but they work very well - she can even cuddle the cat once she's taken them

Maybe see your own GP and see what he recommends? Maybe piriton syrup?

It'd be a shame to stop him going to his dad's when it might be easily fixable

user1477495297 Thu 27-Oct-16 12:47:30

Yes I think we will try that next and see how they work. My poor boy has just been through so much the last couple of years health wise, he's just recovering from Bell's palsy and 2 different operations for different things. I just hate to see him go through anymore.

Ex is now being funny with me saying it's probably just a bit of dog hair he's rubbed on his eye and I need to chill out. He wouldn't be saying that if he was actually involved in anything ds goes through angry

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