Daughter (8) and friend (9) left in hotel room alone

[Sparkie1]

Hi guys this is my first post here. My daughter is 8, I seperated from my wife in July, after finding out she has been having an affair for over a year. My daughter went on the family holiday to Portugal with my wife and have only just returned (I realise that this sounds like a McCaan story but I am deadly serious) . My daughter informed me that whilst in Portugal, my wife and her friend plus daughter that she went with, left the 2 girls alone in the hotel room for a couple of hours, to sort some paperwork outside of the hotel. She told me that after some time, they decided to leave the room to go to the front desk in reception, to ask if they knew where their mothers had gone? As they were wandering through the hotel, the mothers were returning to the room and by chance saw the girls. When my wife approached the girls, she slapped my daughter and told her she shouldnt have left the room, that it was my daughters fault, that she must not inform me of what happened, or I would prevent her from going abroad with her again.
I thank God that the girls did not encounter any predatory characters that could have been present in the hotel. I thank him, that my daughter was returned safely to the UK unharmed. However, I feel insecure that at anytime that my daughter is with my wife now, she may be left in mortal danger

[Laura222]

Confront your ex and let her have it

[Ollycat]

No it's not acceptable. I would first of all speak to your ex to find out all the reasons for it and then maybe your solicitor.

Who does your daughter live with the majority of the time?

[Sparkie1]

We are sharing her at the moment. The court case is next month. We are working it on 3days, 2days, 2 days

[Sparkie1]

She is totally unreasonable at the moment. Cant get her to see whats in my daughters interest.

[Ollycat]

I am no expert at all in these things but you need to have an open, frank conversation about what has happened. Maybe there was a plausible explanation, maybe not.

I would also want to have something written legally to say that neither one of you would leave your dd alone and formally set out some ground rules.

But do speak openly with your ex - here her side of things.

[LIZS]

It may not be ideal or acceptable but your talk of predators is hysterical. I would be very cautious about basing the timescales solely on the account of a young child. Focus on the fact their absence made the children anxious.

[MistresssIggi]

I would wonder what is going on here - she left them yet they didn't know where she was? My eight year old could easily be left for an hour or shortly more, and in fact would ask to in preference to coming with me to do paperwork! You need to give your ex the chance to tell you what happened, your dd while truthful may have left out bits of this story.

[Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming]

I think I would me more concerned about the slap, and the DD being told not to tell you something (she needs to feel she can speak to either parent if she feels uncomfortable about something, anytime).
I agree u should find out what happened, it sounds as if the girls aren't mature enough to be left even for a short period, but it may have been less time than it seemed to a young child, and the risk was fairly low (especially if they'd stayed in the room as they were told).
But be aware that ur ex will see the fact that u know as DD disobeying her again, and she could be punished for that, and told even more firmly not to tell u much. If there's a way to have a third party present to keep the peace, and perhaps tell her the slapping and swearing a child to secrecy is not the right way to handle things, I would try to get that (she isn't going to want to hear that from you).
Good luck!

[Sparkie1]

I of course would be willing to listen to her side. Unfortunately previous altercations and dishonesty on her part has left me disillusioned as to the level of truth that flows from her. My 8 yr old is more trustworthy and articulate than my wife.