Help

(10 Posts)
usernoidea Wed 19-Oct-16 11:13:01

My son is 4 weeks old and I'm ashamed to say that I've not found it enjoyable at all.
Right now I feel that I made the wrong decision becoming a mum and miss my old life so much
Should I ride this out or is this pretty normal...?
Bit of relevant background - I'm bipolar and I moved away from my home town to live with my partner (baby's dad) and know no one here so everyday is a very lonely hard slog.
I don't feel "depressed" just like I've made a mistake.
My son is really cute but I don't feel a huge bond with him......
Please be kind in replies - I feel bad enough already!

DollyBarton Wed 19-Oct-16 11:17:02

I think many of us feel exactly like you do at the moment. Dont worry! It's perfectly normal. You do need to keep an eye out for proper PND, as opposed to just exhaustion and shock and the normal adjustment phase. So if you are really feeling totally overwhelmed and dull, go see your GP. No shame in it and again perfectly normal. It's always best to deal with these things early.

My advice is one day (1 hour more like when baby is very little!!) at a time, call in any support and company you can to help you feel normal and don't expect anything of either yourself of the baby. This tough time will pass!

DollyBarton Wed 19-Oct-16 11:19:25

Oh and RE the bipolar thing, do stay in touch with your GP! You are maybe a little more vulnerable than some people with it so don't be afraid to check in for a mental health MOT.

I'm sure you're doing great with baby. They really need nothing and everything at this stage, it's very confusing and exhausting especially the first time round.

LIZS Wed 19-Oct-16 11:26:59

Small babies are not always most entertaining. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Are there any social groups you could drop into - mums and tots in a church hall, children's centre, baby clinic, NCT/la Leche League, pram walking groups, baby massage, breastfeeding cafe etc - which would get you out and meeting people. Your HV should have a list and also be able to signpost you for MH support.

Forgiveorforget Wed 19-Oct-16 11:34:46

I found the newborn stage hard, really hard. I wanted to punch the people who kept saying 'go and enjoy your baby', I loved dd to bits but I did not enjoy that stage and I felt horribly guilty for it.

She is now nearly 2 and although I think there is always something hard about parenting, it's much easier now. We actually have fun together and I enjoy her company. Tiny babies are cute and smooshy but honestly, they're not that much fun!

Things will get easier, in the meantime I would suggest trying to get out of the house everyday if you can - a walk to the shops, a baby group, the library etc, it breaks up the day and it might give you the opportunity to build a social network.

beginnersewer Wed 19-Oct-16 11:59:21

4 weeks is very little to expect to be enjoying it - I was still finding life a bit of a blur really. If you feel ok about getting out of the house I would use the opportunity while baby is quite portable and not going to get bored (like a toddler would) to try to get to know people. Having a small baby makes it easier as everyone will want to have a look/ask about how old he is etc. If you are open to this then just a walk to the shops can end up with you chatting to people. Our local church had a weekly coffee morning - no religious content, just cups of tea and coffee in the church hall. It was 2 hours long so that gave me scope for being late and still getting to it. Baby was always admired by lots of elderly ladies who told me stories of when their children were small. I went to baby groups too which varied in how friendly they were but really just getting out of the house was helpful - it doesn't matter if you don't immediately find a 'best friend'.

Spanner83 Wed 19-Oct-16 12:26:57

My ds is 7wks old and your post is almost identical to what I wrote a couple of weeks ago.

What surprised me most is how many mums actually feel like this. I didn't feel like I was enjoying it at all. I love my son but kept thinking I had made a huge mistake.

I just want to tell you it does get easier, like I said my ds is 7wk and it's getting better each day. I try to get out as much as possible.

Sorry I not very good at writing on these threads. However I just wanted to tell you to hang in there it does get better.

Xxx

TheBadgersMadeMeDoIt Wed 19-Oct-16 12:44:31

That was like reading a post from myself when my DD was a month old! I absolutely sympathise with everything you said. All I wanted was to turn the clock back 10 months and pretend to have a headache.

It's so common it's virtually normal. I thought my midwife and HV were being unhelpful and unsympathetic at the time but looking back they were just blasé because they hear the same story ten times a day!

It gets better, I promise. Good times are coming. One day, maybe even tomorrow, you will feel a little trickle of that maternal joy that everyone promised you, and before you know it it'll be a gush.

As you're bipolar you'll have your own perception of what depression feels like but bear in mind that PND has another set of mechanisms behind it and can feel totally different. You may not necessarily feel "low" as you understand it to feel. But being unable to bond with your baby, trouble adjusting to the lifestyle of a parent and feelings of regret are all common symptoms. Talk to your GP. You don't have to feel like this, and they can help. X

Heirhelp Wed 19-Oct-16 12:50:34

In my experience it is perfectly normal. When they start smiling at 6 to 8 weeks they become more likable. In think it take until 3 months before they get easier. As for bonding maybe try a baby massage course, they are really relaxed you can get up and feed your baby, wandering round with them and you get to meet lots of people with young babies.

Abrahamkin Thu 20-Oct-16 07:39:53

To me that is perfectly normal...or at least it's how I felt! At 4 weeks I didn't even know what was up or down, let alone enjoying the experience. DC is 20 mo now. Much much better!

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