Ready to give up (breastfeeding)

(13 Posts)
AprilShowers16 Tue 18-Oct-16 04:53:45

Posting for advice and support - I hate breastfeeding, I've found it so painful and hard and now feeling like as we approach 12 weeks I'm just done with it.

It's always been painful and for the first 6 weeks I used nipple shields which helped a lot and enabled me to exclusively breastfeed for that amount of time. I was determined to wean off the shields and managed to do this but since then it has been very up and down - we have some days or few days where it's going great and then it gets worse again. I had fairly consistantly had a good side that almost got to the point where it was completely fine but the last day it's been awful on both sides. Sometimes it's sore, cracked nipples but other times it a deep lasting pain that I have to take painkillers for several hours later.

I've been going to the breast feeding clinic which has been good for moral support - they've showed me different positions which sometimes helps. His latch seems to vary and rEcently seems very clamped down I can barely get my finger in to take him off when it hurts.

I've been on medication for thrush which did seem to help with the deep lasting pain but it's come back now (the pain - I can't tell about the thrush). I've gone through a stage of trying to pump more which gave my nipples a break and helped a bit. We sometimes use the ready made formula bottles when I can't face it any more but I'm worried about doing that too much and it affecting my supply. I've tried to return to nipple shields but he won't always take them and often then hurt almost as much. He's been checked several times for tongue tie and all is fine

I haven't had sex with my DH yet and part of the reason is my breasts always feel sore and uncomfortable.

I just feel ready to be done but feel so sad about it as feel like I've tried so hard but we keep ending up in the same place. I don't have a problem with formula feeding but really wanted the convenience and low cost of breast feeding. When j bottle feed I feel such a sense of relief and ease - that I can just relax and enjoy my baby.

I just feel so sad that I can't seem to manage it and often find myself avoiding feeding or putting him back down as soon as possible when I know he could take more. He's in the 75th percentile so I'm grateful that all the problems don't seem to have affected him.

Any support, advice or experiences would be helpful. Tonight I just feel like I'm done

Heirhelp Tue 18-Oct-16 05:03:22

Is your DS also receiving treatment for thrush?

I had simpler issues, along with a serious infection which did affect my supply, I gave up bf at around six weeks. I felt relief, my quality of life and bond with my baby improved almost over night. I won't lie there have been times when I felt guilty and worry that she is missing out on the health benefits but I know it was the right decision for us.

Breast feeding is go hard and you have done well to get to this point. People said to me 'never give up on a bad day but I never had a good day.

MissMargie Tue 18-Oct-16 06:39:10

3 months is very good imo. Perhaps you could move to doing both formula and breast so boobs get a break and you have more freedom.
It isn't cast in stone, when my DCs were babies many moons ago we started introducing solids at 3-4 months!! They all survived.

tappitytaptap Tue 18-Oct-16 06:47:53

You have done so well to get this far, it really is hard! As a pp said, if you have some doubts about giving up then maybe try mixed feeding? I totally understand the cracked nipples, mine bled a couple of times and DS vomited my blood up confused. Whatever helps you enjoy your baby wine

thefraggleontherock Tue 18-Oct-16 06:56:48

I was in this position with ds2 last year. I had previously bf ds1 until he was 12 months but ds2 just didn't take to it the same and I battled on until he was 12 weeks (he was also in hospital twice during this time due to infection) when I finally decided to give up. Ds2 absolutely thrived. He became a different more settled baby over night. It was the best thing I did because I relaxed and we were all much happier. The important thing is they're getting fed don't feel guilty, you've got to 3 months, that's amazing!!!! flowers

ArgyMargy Tue 18-Oct-16 07:05:18

Breastfeeding should not be so hard. You've done 12 weeks which is fantastic given you've had such problems. Give yourself a break and stop.

AprilShowers16 Tue 18-Oct-16 08:02:30

Thank you so much for your replies, I've woken up this morning aching all over from being so tense feeding in the night so feeling a little emotional and teary reading your kind comments.

heirhelp I asked the dr several times (two different Dr's) whether DS needed treatment and they both said no. He seemed fine - he is dribbling a lot and showing signs of teething but no white on tongue.

I keep setting myself deadlines and a couple of times resolved to stop or at least move to mixed feeding but then had a rare good day and changed my mind which made me carry on. But it doesn't seem to be getting consistantly better and I feel like it's ruining these months for me. He's such a lovely baby (biased I know) and I just want to be able to look after him properly.

I'm going to do some reading about mixed feeding as I don't know where to start. At the moment u just randomly use the pre made formula when I've had enough

SpecialStains Tue 18-Oct-16 08:07:59

Well done on breastfeeding for this long. It is hard and painful and you've done so well.

Maybe start mix feeding if you're still unsure. Or bottle in day and breastfeed at night?

cosmicglittergirl Tue 18-Oct-16 08:12:56

You've done really well and have tried support and different methods, nothing wrong with trying a new feeding method. Could you express if you still wanted to use breast milk?

maccamummy Tue 18-Oct-16 08:17:59

Op well done you for getting this far. Like you and PPs we had loads of issues with DS feeding - blisters, bleeding (he threw up my blood), i couldn't be hugged and sometimes didn't want to hold him close to me. You've done a cracking job and your baby will thrive however you feed him. You've done a fab job when most others would have stopped long ago. That said, around about 3 months, something clicked (I would love to tell you what but I have no idea) and it suddenly stopped hurting at all. I agree with PPs that giving yourself a break is so important so using formula or expressing if you can, but I wanted to give you some hope that it might change and soon. Good luck flowers

Heloise1982 Tue 18-Oct-16 08:21:43

I was really worried about combination feeding with my first baby because of all the warnings about it affecting supply etc etc but I've done it with my twins pretty much since birth with no ill effects on supply at all, so I would definitely consider it. I started with a bottle before bed, when my supply was lowest and I was generally at my most knackered. They now also get a bottle in the afternoon too, so now I do their 1 pm (ish) feed and know I don't need to feed them again for the rest of the day, which gives me a bit if a mental break, but they still get the breast for night and morning feeds. Best of both worlds in my opinion! Whatever works best for you. As you say, you deserve to enjoy your lovely baby flowers

NorahBhone Tue 18-Oct-16 08:40:32

Breastfeeding isn't compulsory. I remember waking up one morning with nipples ripped to shreds by a teething baby and that was it for me. I stopped.

I wind suggest gradually withdrawing though. My dd was older and only feeding twice a day by that stage (except the final night) but the engorgment was horrible!

Oopsypoopsy Tue 18-Oct-16 12:28:06

It sounds like you've tried really hard, i breastfed both of mine, my DS until he was 8 weeks old, he took 2 hours each feed and I just couldn't do it anymore! Nothing else was getting done! My DD I fed until 4 months, she was a really quick feeder so was nice and easy but I had to introduce a couple of bottles a day so I could leave her with family for few hours a few days in a row and my milk just started to dry up so I had to stop. The main thing is you've done your best and there's no point in being stressed about because that's worse for the baby than giving formula that has been designed for babies. You'll feel so much more relaxed once you switch, people are made to feel guilty and it's really unfair for anyone to judge. Just do what works for you. x

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