6wk old - struggling

(4 Posts)
Spanner83 Tue 11-Oct-16 20:28:45

Hi,

I am a new mum to a lovely 6wk ds, he is lovely and been an absolute dream. Previously woke only once in the night but for the last week has been sleeping straight through so feel so pathetic for writing this as I know there are others that experience so many difficulties... But I just don't feel like I am connecting with him like I should.

My oh is amazing and thinks I am doing a great job but I feel like I am pretending most of the time. He has smiled a few times but only with other people. I get frustrated with him when he crys (although I would never hurt him) I take him out loads but I just don't feel connected or enjoying motherhood like I thought I would.

I did go through a couple of weeks of crying a lot and anxiety but that seems to have passed but still I don't feel like I am supposed to. Can't quite put my finger in what's wrong and just think maybe motherhood is not for me.

My childhood wasn't great and my mum drank too much and although she done the basics she made it was very clear at times that she didn't want me, although my brother was her favourite. I always promised myself I would never be like her but can't help thinking history is repeating itself and am going to be a horrible mum to my ds.

I sound really pathetic I know but too embarrassed to mention how I am feeling to anyone else.

Does anyone have any advice to get through this and start enjoying my ds??

FireflyGirl Wed 12-Oct-16 07:05:21

Morning, how are you feeling today?

I was exactly the same as you when DS was tiny. I didn't start to bond with him until he was 6 months old. Until then, I could as easily have been looking after someone else's child. It's so hard when they're small, you get nothing back from them. Do you do any groups/classes with him? I found them a lifesaver in the early days, I could get out and speak to other grownups!

The first thing to realise is that you are not your mother. For a start, she probably never worried like you are - that says a lot about how much you love him already even though you aren't feeling it.

6 weeks is no time at all to adjust to the massive change to your life.

I think it would be useful to have a chat to someone in real life, a close friend or maybe your GP. You may have mild PND or anxiety, and talking it through may help.

Sorry for the ramble, but I hope I've reassured you a bit cake and brew

Phoenix76 Wed 12-Oct-16 22:14:44

Congratulations and hugs. Totally agree with FireFlyGirl. But want to add that you'll naturally be all over the place emotionally at the moment, having a baby is a life changing experience and everything is topsy turvy. I read somewhere that babies think at that young age that they are a part of you, perhaps that's why he smiles at others as he thinks he's you (makes sense in my head but not typing!) anyway, I dragged myself to the gp, really didn't want to go but he was wonderful & said he sees many women and sometimes men in the same position and I came out with a mild prescription that has really helped and now I'm enjoying the things I should be. All the very best you're doing great

crayfish Wed 12-Oct-16 22:23:43

God, six weeks is no time. Honestly. It's so very early days, must babies aren't really 'smiling' at that point anyway (not in an emotional way) so don't read anything into that at all. It's good that he sleeps well but it's still a massive adjustment and to be honest, very few people take to it like a duck to water straight away.

With my DS I certainly loved him and cared for him but I didn't feel 'connected' to him for a while. Don't get me wrong, I would have done anything for him but I felt like I didn't really know him until about six months. It gets better, they get more interactive and way more fun. My DS is 15 months now and he is the light of my life, we are great friends and have such a bond but we are still learning about each other every day.

Don't worry too much and give it time. Definitely fake it til you make it where possible but don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel depressed or low. Speak to your DH and health visitor but I really think it will get better.

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