I am a sh*t mum

(20 Posts)
Turneeps Sat 08-Oct-16 13:03:47

Think I am doing things all wrong but and don't know what to do.
My baby is 5 months old. I have never felt like being a mum has been natural, I still don't know what her cries mean etc.

She only naps if I go out with buggy or feed her to sleep (breastfeeding).
I feed to sleep at night.
She wakes 2 - 4 times a night and I feed to sleep.
Started waking up at 4 or 5am being wide awake for day.
I can't get her to sleep without boob.
I think she is bored of me.
I get bored in the day, don't know how to entertain her other than going to baby groups. Playmat and bouncy chair only work for 5 mins before bored. There is only so many nursery rhymes I can sing in a day.

Probably does not sound bad written down, I just feel she is not having much fun and everyone keeps saying she should fall asleep on her own by now and be sleeping better at night.

Sorry, not sure what I am really asking...

SmellySphinx Sat 08-Oct-16 13:17:14

You aren't a shit Mum at all x
Ignore peoples 'advice' about what a 5 month old baby should and shouldn't be doing sleep wise... In my opinion it's far too early for nodding off and sleeping on their own every night. Could you not change to bottle feeding partially to give yourself a break for a while? I could only manage breast feeding for 6 weeks to 2 months with mine because my nipples were sore, it was increasingly and overwhelmingly isolating as in I felt I couldn't do anything by myself because the baby needed to be with me all the time.
You do sound as if you need more adult company all in all. Remeber you're not a baby yourself so endless baby stuff can become quite mindnumbing very quickly!

SmellySphinx Sat 08-Oct-16 13:22:58

And the baby WILL NOT be bored of you at all. It's definitely not a popular thing to say but...babies are boring after a while until they start interacting with you properly it can be a monotonus slog sometimes...

I got bored. Very bored but you're always conflicted and feel guilty about feeling bored, can't win.

Topseyt Sat 08-Oct-16 13:27:52

You aren't a shit mum at all.

That is all very normal young baby stuff. It just feels overwhelmingly endless because you are still right in the thick of it at that age.

This too shall pass. Do you have the possibility of other adult company from time to time? Visit a friend etc., or invite someone over for a coffee? Otherwise you are spending all day every day on the level of a baby, and that is deadly dull very hard.

Toocleverbyhalf2 Sat 08-Oct-16 13:32:38

I do feel for you, it's all a bit overwhelming when it's new. I've had 4 children & been bored when they were babies, after the euphoria of the first few weeks it's easy to hit a brick wall.
Can you have a break from the baby at any time? Maybe it would be an idea to meet up with friends ( without the baby) and spend some time around adults. It's very isolating being at home with a baby & I can remember feeling like, is this it? I still find motherhood achingly boring at times, like today when all they're doing is arguing and moaning. You're not a shit mum and you are enough for your baby, you'll develop together. But you do need to get away sometimes and be yourself, try not to lose that.
Good luck

29redshoes Sat 08-Oct-16 13:53:41

OP that sounds totally normal to me. At least I hope it is because I have a five month old DD and I often feel exactly the same!

I've given up on 'understanding' her different cries now. I just use a process of elimination so if she's been awake 1.5-2 hours I assume she's tired, if it's been 2-3 hours since she last fed I assume she's hungry. That's as far as my "instinct" goes!

A couple of months ago I remember being really confused as to why I was so lonely. Like you I was going to loads of baby groups and things so I was actually seeing people all the time. I finally worked out that, even though I love my DD to pieces, I needed to have a break from babies! At baby groups I find everyone just talks about the birth, how they feed the baby, how much the baby does or doesn't sleep, how often the baby does or doesn't nap, things to buy for the baby. It gets a bit old. I started making more of an effort to meet friends I knew before the baby and talk about non baby things, and I also joined a theatre group which meets a couple of nights a week. It's been fantastic.

Also like you I had loads of issues with naps and sleep associations and things (which I think is also totally normal) and I found the "no cry sleep solution" book quite good.

29redshoes Sat 08-Oct-16 13:56:14

Just to add, I tend to meet non baby friends with the baby i.e. I'll meet up with them in their lunch hour or something. In the evenings when I'm out DP has the baby for a couple of hours.

Turneeps Sat 08-Oct-16 14:04:48

Thanks guys, reassurance is nice. But why do other parents make it look so easy!?
I see lots of adults buto yes, it's always baby orientated. I shall make an effort to see non mum friends. Think I am just having a shitty few days.

Marmalade85 Sat 08-Oct-16 14:06:26

I went back to work when my son was 6m as I absolutely hated being at home full time. Could this be an option for you? I got my sanity back and it made me a better mother.

Turneeps Sat 08-Oct-16 14:30:15

She is a bottle refuser so don't know how I could work till she is weaned off boob/milk.
Also family would make me feel guilty about using a nursery - old fashioned views there ('why have a baby if you don't don't want to look after it yourself').

Marmalade85 Sat 08-Oct-16 14:34:49

OP would your family really be so unsupportive if you told them you were struggling?

I had people be very judgemental about me going back to work but you have to do what's best. My mum friends that are still on mat leave (almost a year now) are losing their minds with frustration and boredom. I have a childminder rather than a nursery.

Marmalade85 Sat 08-Oct-16 14:40:31

I'm also now single mum working full time with a 10m old which makes most people's heads explode

Heirhelp Sat 08-Oct-16 15:25:03

I have a five month old and I 'get' what you are saying but we are not bad MUms. I had to give up breast feeding so I have another whole level of guilt.

The only way I can get baby to sleep during the day is to push her and at night I cosleep as it is easier than getting her back to sleep in the cot. It is hard work for us as Mums but we are getting them to sleep when needed. Meeting our babies needs makes us good Mums.

You are your baby's whole world and she won't be bored off you but I go get bored of my baby. I spend my time singing, reading books, getting her to play on the floor, in the jumperoo, in the mama and papa snug chair, wandering around the house as it I am estate agents doing a viewing, put her in her high chair on the kitchen and chatting while I do some jobs. I just talk to her and show her stuff. The happiest she has been this week was when I showed her a sparkly top in next.

As for the sleeping at night I believe bf need more milk during the night. My ff baby normally has three night feeds and then numerous cuddles, poking me in the face etc just to check I am still there.

Turneeps Sun 09-Oct-16 03:50:43

I love the idea of doing a 'house viewing'! I might look for jumparoo on Gumtree.
Thanks for replies everyone.

StrawberryQuik Sun 09-Oct-16 09:33:55

You're not a shit mum.

Mine is 6m and 9/10 times he is in the pushchair or fed/rocked to sleep. I don't see that as being a bad mum, I see that as helping my baby go to sleep because he hasn't learnt how to yet.

When I get bored of singing nursery rhymes I put on classic fm which DS seems to enjoy and kid myself I'm turning him into a genius :D

See if you can find any parent and baby groups that are fun for you as well like yoga or swimming.

Heirhelp Sun 09-Oct-16 10:53:14

My little one will play independently for at least 30 mins a emergency foul blanket. They are less than £1.50 on amazon. You have to watch them as they can tear bits off but she loves it.

29redshoes Sun 09-Oct-16 12:34:37

There are a couple of slightly odd comments on breastfeeding on this thread. I think it would be a shame to give it up if it's going ok, OP. I know of good sleepers who are breastfed and good sleepers who are formula fed, and the same amongst the bad sleepers. I don't think formula is guaranteed to make things "easier".

I'm not even breastfeeding so no personal agenda here.

Definitely going to try the emergency foil blanket though.

Penguina Sun 09-Oct-16 12:35:47

I must be a shit mum too! 😃

lavender20 Sun 09-Oct-16 13:58:37

When my girl was 5 months she was cuddled to sleep every night, every day, pretty much all the time grin In fact I cuddled her to sleep until she was over one and she got too heavy! I know some family members and "perfect" mothers judged me.

She's a great sleeper and goes off on her own well now mostly, odd night she needs a cuddle or hand hold (she's 19 months) she naps in her pram during the day.
What I'm saying is there's no harm in cuddling off to sleep. I don't think so anyway. Cuddle away they grow up so quick!

We all feel like shit mums from time to time, I do a lot! and the parent guilt is something no one tells you about!!

Hope you are feeling better. X

pointythings Sun 09-Oct-16 16:53:44

You and your baby sound totally normal. There is no magical time at which you know exactly what their cry means, that is nonsense. We all just muddle through. And those parents who make it look effortless? They're swans: gliding along serenely on the surface, paddling like crazy underneath just to stay afloat.

Babies your DD's age aren't good at entertaining themselves. And it is perfectly normal for them to wake up at night as well - DD2 did, twice a night, until she was nearly a year. Feeding to sleep? Yep, did that with both of them. It stops eventually.

I think you are being unnecessarily harsh on yourself. The young baby stage is hard and sometimes very boring. Be kind to yourself. flowers

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