OK so Im new to this but really desperate for some advice. Here goes.
I left my partner of 15 years 2.5years ago, we have 2 daughters, currently 4 and 6. I left for many reasons, he was mentally abusive, aggressive, not interested in the children, he drank to extremes and also smoked a lot of cannabis. None of this behavior I deemed acceptable, hence why I left. Hardest thing I have ever done. For info - Im 31 and he's 37.
I have always tried to maintain an amicable and civil relationship with him, encouraging and supporting him to be a good parent to the girls. He has since confessed that whilst we were together he was also taking other drugs, cocaine, valium - I had no idea. This left me devastated and more-so confirmed why I had left. I never had reason to believe he was still taking anything, he assured me he has seeked help and was only drinking occasionally but never when he had the girls.
Fast forwards to 6 months ago. He called to say that he has been to the Dr and said he was thinking about using drugs again and the Dr had got in touch with social services. Now the Dr reports that he said he WAS using drugs again, not THINKING about using them. SS got involved but he managed to convince them Dr had misunderstood and he'd just gone for help before things got bad again - I believed him too and backed that up to SS - reassuring them I would never leave the girls with him if I thought he was taking anything.
Now, lets go to this weekend just gone. I receive a message from his friend telling me he is using ALOT of cocaine, like every day, and was even doing it when the girls were home with him in the next room. Understandably I was devastated, shocked, scared - I immediately went to his house to remove the girls, offered him a urine drugs test to which he refused. He grabbed me by the neck and pushed me to the ground and snatched the children back. My friend witnessed this and called the police - he was cautioned for assault.
I have since denied him access until he can prove he is not taking drugs again. I have requested he does a hair strand drugs test which will detail usage over the last 3 months. I know this is going to show cocaine use along with other drugs. I have never taken a drug in my life and have zero tolerance for this kind of behavior.
So my questions are as follows;
1\ What would you have done in that situation? Would you have removed the children or what? Did I do the right thing?
2\ Am I still doing the right thing by only allowing supervised access?
3\ When the drugs test comes back and shows drug use, what do I do? Am I supposed to accept that a certain level of Class A drug use is OK when i dont think it is? Am I overreacting?
Please help - I want him to be OK, I want the girls to have a good dad, but Im not prepared to let them go to stay with someone who is taking drugs - is that unreasonable? He is very good at making me feel guilty, he has been texting saying that Iv done all this to him, Im not thinking how this is affecting him and how he feels in all of this, he hopes I regret what I have done, he now has a criminal recored because of me, that its calculated and iv orchestrated the whole thing so I can get the girls to myself. All of which is utter rubbish - this is literally making me ill - all I want to do is protect my precious girls.
Any advice gratefully received
Thankyou
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50 replies
AdviceNeededUrgently · 03/10/2016 22:22
OP posts:
VoyageOfDad ·
04/10/2016 22:36
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VoyageOfDad ·
05/10/2016 08:13
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