But how do they put the seed inside the mummy?

[strawberrybubblegum]

HELP!!

I've been fairly open but age-appropriate with my almost-4yo about where babies come from. Over the last few months, she's brought it up repeatedly, clearly trying to figure it out.

I've told her (in answer to questions) that the dad gives the mum a seed, and they put it inside the mum. Not surprisingly, she then started asking how they put the seed in there.

I've managed to put her off a couple of times by saying it's something grown-ups do, and she'll know when she's grown up, which she accepted a few times, but tonight we had this:

DD: 'How do they put the seed inside the mummy?'
Me(faintly): 'It's something grown-ups do'
DD: 'But how so they put it in there, mum? Is it through your mouth?'
Me (thinking OMG!): 'No, no. Not through your mouth'
DD: 'How then? Through the belly button?'
Me(Trying desperately to think what to say): 'No!'
DD(getting annoyed): 'HOW then? TELL ME mummy!'

At that point I read her the Usborne body book but not surprisingly it completely missed out sex and went straight from eggs and sperm to explaining what happens inside the body during pregnancy. She accepted it for now, but it's going to come up again soon.

WHAT DO I SAY???

Before now, my theory was that if they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to get a simple answer. But she isn't 4 yet. I'm reluctant and I'm worried I'll mess this up and freak her out. DH thinks that if she repeats any specifics to a child at nursery, it wil upset the child and piss off the parents. But I feel strongly we mustn't put any kind of secrecy clause on telling her, since that's a dangerous precedent.

Arghhh!! What age did you tell your DC and how did you do it?

Can you recommend an age appropriate book which goes into more detail? I'd far rather read a book to her than ad lib.

And what do we do about her telling other kids?

HELP!!!

[allegretto]

Mummy laid an egg - despite the title, explains everything!

[strawberrybubblegum]

Thank you! I've now ordered a copy of 'Mummy laid an egg'

Any other suggestions?

[Heratnumber7]

"it's really funny DD, but a really, there's a hole between mummy's legs, and the seed goes in there"

[MakemineaGandT]

Just say it. Simply and without fuss. They'll accept it and move on straight away.

[2legit2knit]

Just tell the truth, I don't understand why people get themselves in a flap about these things!

[Superstar90]

Agree just tell her the truth - what's the problem!

[RoganJosh]

I'd go 'special cuddle' at age four I think.

[Bloopbleep]

I got my dd mummy laid an egg and when she realised the sperm came from the man's willy she was horrified at the thought of her dad "peeing" inside of me. It's always best to just be open although with a highly inquisitive child it can be difficult giving just the basics.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

www.amazon.co.uk/Lets-Talk-Babies-Families-Friends/dp/1406306061?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21


Also a very good book to read with wee ones

[Superstar90]

Yes -special cuddle good but stick to truth as much as possible. Ultimately she's trusting you to tell her the truth about the world so she can learn - you'd be doing her a disservice saying a stork puts it in etc!

[Wayfarersonbaby]

Following - DD is nearly 4, and we've already had a couple of questions about "where does the seed come from and how does it get in" Wasn't expecting that just yet!

[RitchyBestingFace]

I'm not sure what the problem is. Just tell her the truth. Mummy has a hole between her legs called a vagina. Daddy puts his willy in there and a seed comes out.

Once you've told her she will lose interest. It's the lack of clarity that keeps her curiosity alive.

[Footle]

All the other children at nursery are asking the same questions, and hopefully getting the same answers.

[YouMakeMyDreams]

Just had this conversation with ds2 aged 6 in the summer holidays with 13 year old Dd saying trust me you don't want to know. I just told him the trut . He knows what a penis is and he knows what a vagina is. He said eeewww.
He then continued on with questions about seeds etc. Which ended up in a conversation about periods. The whole thing verbatim is actually quite funny and started about puppies. It was a relief in a way because ds1 will get sex ed at the end of this year and I'd been planning on preparing him who has never asked.
Thankfully the conversation took place on a long car journey so I had a captive audience. Dd thought it was hilarious.

[HalloToJasonIsaacs]

Usborne How Your Body Works has some quite detailed diagrams but with robots which saves your blushes a bit.

[strawberrybubblegum]

Just tell the truth
Well, yes. In theory. That was always my intention but I'm finding it much harder than I expected!

The problem is that the way DD's curiosity has led us here has come from her questions about her own future rather than 'mummy' in the 3rd person. When she saw pregnant women and asked about the baby, it led her to questions about whether she could be a mummy. (yes, when you grow up). When she asked about milk and breastfeeding, she became interested in her own nipples (and how they differ from mine) and how her own body would change as she grew up.

Last night's conversation started in a book about farm animals, from cows udders, took us through talkimg about her own nipples (again), and then to The Question.

So since in her own mind, it's about her - and whatever I tell her she will imagine happening tp her - I'm more squeamish.

I'm not over-analysing: she previously got freaked out about whether her body might just decide to make a baby. That's when I told her about the seed and reassured her it wouldn't just happen.

I think I'll start with the hole between the legs (which she already knows the baby comes out of). I hadn't thought to break it down so far ('answer the question and no more') so that's helpful thank you.

Then if she asks how, I'll tell her the daddy puts his willy into that hole, in a special cuddle that's just for grown-ups, and the seed comes out.

Ok. Have a plan.

Thanks for the book suggestions. I've got some of the other Usborne ones which have robots (the one with the skeleton and the one about food) and I think the robots and pictures of little people inside the body confused her. She's quite literal!

The 'let's talk' book looks good - but is it for slightly older children?

Many thanks again, everyone. I really appreciate the hand-holding!

[Wallywobbles]

Mine had a session lying on their backs like stranded crabs after I'd explained the pee hole, baby hole, poo hole thing. Just explain it as it comes up. It keeps coming up in different forms.

Dd2 aged 5 came back from school going did daddy really put his zizi in your zigonette? (France). She clearly though I was going to say no. She was sure she'd been fed a lie.

Next question was did it hurt...,? I said no. (Could have set a lot more about exh, but was very restrained!) fortunately that was the end of that discussion. Temporarily.

[Stevefromstevenage]

I just answered every question I was asked. I am from a Scientific process so I pretty much just view it as a biological process so maybe that is just me.

[Stevefromstevenage]

Sorry scientific background

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

I dread this conversation. I am so easily embarrassed about this topic. I know I shouldn't be but I am. I also have to teach it to my year 5s later this year. I've only ever done changes in the body at school.

[strawberrybubblegum]

Wallywobbles - do you mean they had a self-exploring session? OK, I'll prepare myself for that!

Steve - I'm from a scientific background too, but still think it's important to consider my DD's emotions and reactions. As I said, she got scared at the idea of her body 'deciding' to make a baby. Gestation may be a biological process, but her fear of loss of control and bodily autonomy is not unreasonable. I don't want to mess this up!

[JinkxMonsoon]

When DD was 4 she wanted to know how babies came out. I explained that women and girls have three holes: one for wee, one for poo and a "baby hole" in the middle. She accepted that - and hasn't asked how babies get in (yet!). I also explained about c sections and showed her my scar.

[Wallywobbles]

Yes self exploration. Mirror on the floor might have been better. I think knowing about your body is a good thing. I learnt so much more about my body when I tried moon cups!

Wait until you have to explain clitoris and erections at night in the car while driving! Words are not really enough!

[Sparklemummyx0x0x]

I haven't had any of this from my 6yr old son yet. I don't think he's interested at all. He had homework a while ago about about asking a visitor about her baby, they were doing topic on developing and growing up but no questions to me on how baby came out or even got there. He's seen both my nieces born and his aunties being pregnant but nothing about the pregnancy.
Was watching OBEM last series and whilst he was playing, he saw the baby delivered and was like ewww and I said simply, that's how you came out....and he went back to playing. Wasn't interested any more.
Maybe his dad has already explained it so that's why.... I'll ask him later.

I have it all planned out, just tell him he facts. Some good suggestions though everyone.

[SeaEagleFeather]

"Daddy has a bit between his legs that goes outwards, Mummy has a bit between her legs that goes inwards, and the two fit together when people are grown up. That's when the seed gets inside mummy"