One naughty child-everyone suffers

(22 Posts)
Tiredqueen87 Thu 29-Sep-16 19:04:56

DD (7) is good at school and she enjoys it. There is one boy who is just naughty and does not care about consequences. He steals from other children, does not listen to anyone, his mother doesn't care and other parents end up telling him off in the playground.
DD came home today and said that they keep having minutes taking from playtime when this boy does something wrong. Everytime something happens a minute is knocked off and they have a shorter break. I understand the thinking behind this but this boy will not care that everyone else is paying the price. I'm pissed off that an entire class has to suffer because of one child. Should I say something to the head?

Pagwatch Thu 29-Sep-16 19:08:37

Yes.

CodyKing Thu 29-Sep-16 19:14:11

I absolutely hate group punishments

Your DD has no control over the child or his behavior

She will become very frustrated and the sense of injustice and unfairness of the situation

She will get angry at the teachers for punishing her for things she didn't do

Speak up - and make a huge fuss!! It doesn't work and it's not fair

Tiredqueen87 Thu 29-Sep-16 19:17:03

i didn't want to seem like I was only standing up for DD by going to the head, they're all good kids but this boy is just a horror.

Pagwatch Thu 29-Sep-16 19:26:00

If you go to the head then perhaps avoid calling a 7 year old boy a horror.

Tiredqueen87 Thu 29-Sep-16 19:27:26

Obviously I will not be saying that. It is a known fact amongst people that the child is a nightmare.

Pagwatch Thu 29-Sep-16 19:28:43

Yep, it doesn't sound any better the more you say it.

It might be more effective if this boy sees that the week-behaved children get their break times/Golden time, but he loses his due to his misbehaviour. He clearly doesn't care about other people suffering consequences, but he might care about being the only one losing out (assuming all the rest of the children have behaved and haven't lost any break time).

Tiredqueen87 Thu 29-Sep-16 19:31:00

Pagwatch why comment if you have a problem with my terminology?? I could say he's a little shit, but I'm choosing not to. I'm not going to phone the school in some rant. It will be well thought out , if not I would have never asked for other people take on the matter

Tiredqueen87 Thu 29-Sep-16 19:33:01

SDTG he's always been this way, I wish they would do something. He's always disruptive so I'm suprised that they have decided to try this

Pagwatch Thu 29-Sep-16 19:36:39

If you don't like my comments firstly it's probably best not to post on an open website and secondly you could just ignore me.

My view is that if you approach the school from the position that you blame the boy it won't help. His behaviour may well be appalling but you have no idea why - although having a mother that you suggest doesn't give a shit won't be the best start in life.

If the school are crap they won't care. But if you approach them with the attitude that you privately think he's a ' little shit' seeping into your interaction with them you could easily put them on the defensive.

Of course it's possible that he has managed to independently chose to alienate everyone and act out and piss off his classmates. But it's equally possible that the school privately knows something you don't.
So if you want to achieve your DD keeping her breaks I would focus on the learning method rather than seething about this 7 year old boy

But by all means ignore me. Obvs.

I think you could, very reasonably, make the point that their current approach isn't working, and suggest they try a different one that doesn't involve punishing children who haven't misbehaved - something perfectly designed to demotivate them.

If I was routinely getting punished when I hadn't misbehaved, I might well think that, if I was going to get the punishment anyway, I might as well do the crime - might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb!

yeOldeTrout Thu 29-Sep-16 20:36:05

How do you know his mother doesn't care, OP? What did she do or not do that convinces you of that?

Tiredqueen87 Thu 29-Sep-16 20:39:51

Sorry trout I should have worded that part better. I mean she seems oblivious to his behaviour

ageingrunner Thu 29-Sep-16 20:54:07

There's obviously a reason for his behaviour and he's a very young child still, so the responsibility lies with his parents and the teacher who is obviously not managing his behaviour very well. He may need extra support in school or he may have a horrible home life. Stealing from other kids at that age is pretty extreme. Poor kid I feel sorry for him and also for his classmates

MotherDuckSaid Thu 29-Sep-16 21:09:40

i would Definitely say something

Tiredqueen87 Thu 29-Sep-16 21:10:27

He really does not care, it starts from as soon as you're stood in the school grounds for drop off. I talk to his mum , she's not too bad, but she seems to condone a lot more of his behaviour than others would, she does have a lot of children, maybe it's difficult for her

MotherDuckSaid Fri 30-Sep-16 17:26:02

I have five children, there's no way id condone tht type of disruptive behavior. Its terribly unfair tht the other children miss out on play due to him and I bet the teachers day is overshadowed with controlling and disciplining him and thts not fair on the children either. I would totally be having a word, I think head is the best and she will spk with the classroom teacher. Id definitely be expressing feelings of displeasure at other children missing play- they Need that time to unwind and b children.
Good luck !

yeOldeTrout Fri 30-Sep-16 19:11:55

Does the mom know all about all his behaviour? The school didn't tell me half of the stuff that DS ever did. I found out in other ways, but no one at school said much directly.

insan1tyscartching Fri 30-Sep-16 19:25:23

The reason your dd is losing breaks is down to poor behaviour management by the school not because of that boy. So rather than concentrating on the boy and his behaviour ask to speak about why your child is being punished when she hasn't done something wrong. Whole class punishments are lazy and ineffective in the most part especially when children are so young.

Imfinehowareyou Fri 30-Sep-16 20:00:27

When I taught I tried the opposite with a child like this. Every time he behaved well the whole class received a point. Once the target number of points was reached (an easily achievable number within a week) the whole class received a reward. This child got to choose the reward at the start of the week (eg. extra playtime/art activity) so it was all under his control. Instead of resenting him his peers cheered him on. Awesome idea eh? His mother complained I had put him under pressure confused

CodyKing Fri 30-Sep-16 21:54:40

The school didn't tell me half of the stuff that DS ever did.

This is a valid point and he should have a book sent home with behavior - usually a smiley face or sad face

Accompanied by .... Speak to teacher or head or none etc

Shame some schools hide the issues when children clearly go home and tell their parents

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