School called social services!!!

(108 Posts)
larson Thu 29-Sep-16 18:37:18

I am totally outraged.
There is absolutely no hints within our happy middle class family that there might be any child abuse going on. However, the door rung today and when I opened I was greeted by two ladies from the social services who informed me that the school reported possible child abuse in our family. They asked to interview each family member alone, in a separate room including my 4 and 6yr old kids. Although they could not find anything 'suspicious' they have to continue their investigation, including contacting police, local agencies, seeing the kids further in school and doing more home visits.
Apparently the teacher asked my 4yrs old what do her parents do when she is naughty and she told them how daddy beat her brother once when he was naughty. Off course there is absolutely no beating going on in the house, and both kids a very happy children!
The school had never raised any concerns with either of the parents and I am so upset and frustrated with this situation!

wildsapphire Thu 29-Sep-16 18:38:22

So what's your explanation for what your child said....?

You can see why the school rang them, surely.

Tiredqueen87 Thu 29-Sep-16 18:39:45

I can see why your upset, however if you have nothing to hide them don't worry. Too many times do we see on the news that social services haven't followed things up. It's good to see they are looking into thing.
Although I do agree that the school should have spoke with you first. Maybe more has been said?

gettingitwrongputingitright Thu 29-Sep-16 18:40:42

That must be really scary.flowers where do you think dc heard it? Did the school not speak to you to ask for explaination first?

Just go with it, it will be over soon.

creativevoid Thu 29-Sep-16 18:41:37

I can understand you are upset but surely you know that abuse happens in "middle class" families.

MsMims Thu 29-Sep-16 18:41:38

Really sorry you're upset, it must have been a shock to open the door to that.

I can see why your 4 year olds answer would trigger safeguarding concerns. The school would have been negligent to not pass that on. Can you understand why allegations like this must be followed up?

Believeitornot Thu 29-Sep-16 18:42:17

Being middle class doesn't mean you're exempt from social services hmm

ChoccyJules Thu 29-Sep-16 18:42:21

Every time I do my annual higher-level safeguarding training they mention the middle-class myth, as I'm sure many people will tell you.

However as we know children can verbalise dreams, stories, films etc...though as the poster above me asked, what do you think may be the explanation?

JayDot500 Thu 29-Sep-16 18:42:51

Sorry OP, it's annoying but because of what your DD said, of course they'll investigate.

You're going to get a tidal wave of people ready to condemn any smacking, so get your popcorn.

TeaBelle Thu 29-Sep-16 18:45:00

This was an absolutely appropriate response. Yes scary for you but the role of social services is to.protect children, not hand hold parents

GizmoFrisby Thu 29-Sep-16 18:46:31

I think I would be upset however I'm sure the school would need a valid reason to do this surely? I think schools need to be more aware of children in this day and age. Imagine if something was going on and the school had notified them, not necessarily with you, but it shows they are bang on with the children's well being. i think I would be asking school what the issues are, if they can talk to you first? Or they felt that was their only option maybe??

PoisonousSmurf Thu 29-Sep-16 18:47:07

The school have to follow up anything like this. Most parents need to be aware that this can happen to any family. If you don't do anything wrong, then there is nothing to worry about.
It's good that teachers ask these questions. Too much hidden abuse happens in all types of families.

everdene Thu 29-Sep-16 18:47:10

The reason school didn't raise it with you first is because when they are dealing with vulnerable families, it gives them time to get their story straight (or feed the children a line to give) and the abuse cycle continues.

They are doing the right thing in investigating, even though you have been mistakenly questioned.

A family friend had this when her son broke his arm on holiday and no one in his family realised for another couple of weeks - a sudden call at home from social services to check up on what had happened after they finally took him to hospital.

BaronessEllaSaturday Thu 29-Sep-16 18:47:32

Apparently the teacher asked my 4yrs old what do her parents do when she is naughty What the hell are teachers doing asking questions like that?

AyeAmarok Thu 29-Sep-16 18:47:43

There is absolutely no hints within our happy middle class family that there might be any child abuse going on.

Oh you're middle class, that's good. Nobody middle class ever abuses children. Social services should know that.

DianaMitford Thu 29-Sep-16 18:49:05

Same sort of thing happened here. And I'm afraid to say that SS were absolutely dreadful. They carried out a campaign of harassment against our family, despite both my DC being very happy, well loved and well looked after. It ended with me making a complaint against one awful woman and refusing her access to our house. I simply never heard anything from them again.

With all the families which do need guidance and support it absolutely beggars belief that they should be waste time and resources on people like us. When you think of all the children who are malnourished, maltreated, abused and abandoned......

You have my sympathy! Which area of the country are you if you don't mind my asking? I'd be fascinated if we're in the same area!

Natsku Thu 29-Sep-16 18:49:46

Its rough being investigated but be glad that your school and local SS are on the ball to respond to what sounded like a disclosure. I've been through investigations myself so know what its like, best thing is to be honest and open with them, take them for a medical check up so the doctor can report no signs of abuse. Basically be proactive and show you have nothing to fear.

Desmondo2016 Thu 29-Sep-16 18:50:04

All the school would do, as they will do several times a week is submit a 'MASH' referral into the multi agency safeguarding hub. If that referral is deemed to meet a threshold for children being at potential risk of harm then the assessment/visit will be conducted. The school and social services acted completely and utterly correctly.

larson Thu 29-Sep-16 18:50:07

yes a very good point about the 'middle class' having nothing to do with it.

no teacher or anyone from school had talked to us or raised any concerns so I am quite annoyed with the school.

i'm particularity annoyed with the teacher who had apparently asked my 4yr child in the playground how does she get punished at home?! what kind of question is this?

daddy and our boy play-fight sometimes as both kids do karate.

CuppaBiccieBliss Thu 29-Sep-16 18:50:30

Middle class eh? Yet you're children have told the teachers a "story". Perhaps what social services should do is check which parents are working class or, heaven forbid, on benefits and just focus on them? What an absolute knob you sound.

Chippednailvarnishing Thu 29-Sep-16 18:53:25

So you would rather they didn't check? Or the school should come and ask you directly and automatically believe everything you say?

NerrSnerr Thu 29-Sep-16 18:53:59

They have to investigate, some children will be beaten at home and they can't just disregard a concern because someone is middle class.

Bookishandblondish Thu 29-Sep-16 18:56:47

Surely the question to ask is what your daughter did or said that might lead to such a question from the teacher?

I think it's an odd question - unless it was as a direct result of alarm at behaviour or something said when playing.

AnyFucker Thu 29-Sep-16 18:56:53

Good. The system is working in this particular case then.

Beebeeeight Thu 29-Sep-16 18:56:53

Firstly try to take a deep breath and not catastrophise this.

You must be very alarmed and worried but this isn't as bad as you may be imagining.

Firstly- you are going to get slated on here for saying 'middle class'. Lots of middle class DCs are physically abused. If you say that to social workers you won't help yourself.

Secondly you have to consider the possibility that the allegation may have some truth in it. I'm sure your dh has been alone with DC so you need to consider that. Social work will want to hear that you will prioritise your DCs over dh and be be a 'protective factor' at least whilst an investigation is ongoing. This means possibly you supervising their contact with him and you telling them that if he is deemed a risk to them you will accept that risk and not minimise it.

If the multi agency feedback shows up no other risk eg no criminal history, no domestic abuse, no substance misuse, no parental mental health issues then it is highly likely the case will be closed with no further action.

In the meantime, cooperate fully with all the agencies. Don't be defensive.

Hopefully it was all about nothing and you can forget it ever happened.

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