boozy mum playdates

[user1474551282]

How do you politely tell someone that when you have their child round for a playdate, you only want the child, and not the parent who wants to drink a bottle of wine?
I don't drink, and my son has recently started a new school where he has become very friendly with one boy in particular.
The boy and his mum came over for a playdate, which was fine as she didn't know me well and I would do the same first time. However the day before I asked her if she wanted to stay and she said yes we will get a bottle of wine. As a non drinker, I never really know how to respond to these suggestions. I used to drink loads of wine, but have cut it out alcohol for health reasons. I'm not prudish to booze its just theres a time and a place.

When we did the playdate, she was already pissed from lunch so I managed to wrangle out of the wine quandary - however she then told me that she can't have anyone at her house ever, because of her partner having trust issues because they were burgled 5 years ago. She said even her best mate can't come round. I found this odd, and problematic for any future playdates as they will all have to be at mine. I felt like it was a made up weird excuse. I said next time the boy can come alone, and her response was No she will come and bring alcohol. I really don't know how to politely say Im not up for this....
When my son has a friend over, it is often a chance for me to clean up cook the tea etc, if you have to entertain the parent, every time, it will become a rather tedious and awkward affair. Also you hope your child can go round to theirs on occasion too which apparently will never happen.

Im really stuck for how to deal with this.

[NattyGolfJerkin]

Just say, 'ah, I've got some work to do but little Johnny is welcome to come and play'

Or tell her you don't drink? If the wine is an issue rather than the company?

'I'll bring the wine!'
'Haha, I don't drink but you're more than welcome to pop in for a coffee/tea'.

Or meet on neutral ground? An hour at the park rather than 3 hours at yours?

[5moreminutes]

When my pfb was small I had a lovely group of friends from antenatal, and once most people had finished breast feeding much was made of drinking wine while the children played, but it was all talk really - someone would sometimes produce a bottle of prosecco, and we'd all pretend to be wild and care free but actually nobody ever drank more than a glass, and usually several people (if we were meeting as a group) would need to drive later so opt out etc.

I'd be surprised if she really wants to booze it up, she might be trying to come across as fun and relaxed and hoping to make friends...

Since we moved away from my old circle and the kids are older I CBA with mum friends much either and prefer not to have to tidy up for adults just the kids to come and play - my youngest is 5 and it's a year or more since the parents of any of the kids friends showed any reluctance to drop and run.

Can you just tell her outright you don't drink and have some work to get on with while the kids play? It would be a pity for your son to miss out but you don't have to be his friend's mum's friend!

[JenLindleyShitMom]

I'd not have any future play dates. She sounds like a big bag of trouble.

[Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016]

Isn't October a non - alcohol month for charity? Ask her who she is quitting for!!

[beginnersewer]

That sounds quite weird to me - it might be different if they were having a sleepover in the evening but I would not expect a playdate in the afternoon to be a drinking occasion, especially if I didn't really know the mum well.
Do you think she has a drinking problem and thinks your house is somewhere she can get away with drinking without her partner/someone else finding out?

[SocksRock]

Wow, I don't know anyone who drinks after the school run. I drink wine, I enjoy it, probably get through a bottle a week over 2 or 3 nights. No way would I want to drink at 4pm, I'd be asleep by 7!

[charlestrenet]

I think there is something going on here. Why doesn't she want people round at her house? Is it a state? The burglary story is obviously bullshit. Also why did she turn up pissed? And keep on talking about wine? I would definitely extricate myself from her - as others have said, just say you have work to do and arrange a pick up time with her.

[TotalConfucius]

I wouldn't be worrying about her not being able to reciprocate play dates - I wouldn't want my DC being supervised by someone who liked a tipple whilst watching Tipping Point at 4pm on a school day anyway!
Just tell her you don't drink for reasons of your own. She'll either decide to stay away so she can have a drink (her poor DC) or she'll come for pick up half an hour early to have a coffee and catch up.

[Leatherboundanddown]

Sounds like she may be using drink as an escape mechanism.
When my baby was young I used the excuse of not being able to host at mine cos my ex worked from home.
Truth is he was an abusive wanker who controlled every aspect of what I did.

Ask her if she is ok

[Natsku]

Sounds like she may be using drink as an escape mechanism that's what I was thinking - not being able to have anyone at her home is a big red flag to me, combined with what seems to be excessive drinking - I'd be trying to find out if she needs help.

[CalmItKermitt]

I'd be giving her a big old body swerve.

[KingLooieCatz]

What JenLindley said.

I suspect the real motive is to have an excuse to drink round at your house.

It sounds like she was pissed before she arrived. I'd be pretty shocked and concerned for the kid. Definitely not your role or responsibility to help her normalize getting pissed in the middle of a typical school day. I assume she's not driving.

I don't drink much either and it can be remarkably hard to stand your ground, but I'm getting better!

[AdaLovelacesCat]

EVen if I was a raging alcoholic, I would not do this with new 'friends' met through the kids. Time and a place and all that.