Help me convince myself that what we're doing is okay

(7 Posts)
maybethedayafter Sun 18-Sep-16 21:43:50

DD1 is an awful sleeper. She always has been. She was in NICU for 9 weeks and when she came home I just wanted to cuddle her. I convinced myself that we had made her a bad sleeper and vowed not to do the same win DD2. DD2 was only 7 weeks early so she wasn't in hospital for as long. When she was in SCBU she'd fall asleep when we cuddled her but then lay her down and she'd sleep. I thought we were onto something. She came home and we did the same but somewhere along the way she only slept if we held her, so that's what we did. Now, at 3 months old she occasionally sleeps in her carrycot, doesn't really sleep for that long during the day and at night she might sleep in her cot for a few hours but after that she will sleep in bed with me and she will sleep much better and longer for it.

But I feel guilty. I feel like I'm making her reliant on me and I should instead be trying to teach her to sleep independently. Every time I decide to hold her rather than lay her down I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing. It doesn't bother me to hold her or have her sleep with me, I don't mind at all, I just don't feel it's the right thing for her.

Please give me your words of wisdom to convince me that this is okay. That just because we're doing this now we won't be doing it forever, and I'm not in some way damaging her by not teaching her independence.

FranksBobot Sun 18-Sep-16 21:56:59

You can not spoil a child with love. You are doing absolutely fine.
Dd2 was always allowed (for want of a better word) to fall asleep on me for as long as she wanted. She is nearly 2 now and will only do it occasionally, usually when ill or over tired. The rest of the time she goes to the door and says night night to be taken up to bed.

BexusSugarush Mon 19-Sep-16 14:00:42

pp is completely right, and you can't spoil a baby either. They're too young for things such as independence to really mean all that much, especially as they're constantly changing routines and preferences. If your baby still won't sleep alone by 18 months then maybe look into being a bit strict about it if that's what you'd prefer but at this age there is nothing wrong with it.

Our dd is nearly 9 months and has been co-sleeping with us through her attachment period and teething, and we just find it works perfectly. We don't worry about spoiling her; if anything we feel CLOSER to her through co-sleeping.

And these parents that say 'you shouldn't allow a child to sleep with you because your relationship is too important to sacrifice/when will you be able to have sex with a baby in the bed' etc, they should not have had children if they're not willing to put them before everything else in their own lives.

maybethedayafter Mon 19-Sep-16 15:30:21

My only slight reservation with having DD2 in bed with us is that DD1 might get jealous because she has to sleep in her own bed. I don't want her to think there's any favouritism. DD1 always slept in her cot - well, she hated it but we persisted because she was very prem and I felt I had to do everything by the book, also as she was the only one I could catch up on sleep when she slept if need be. Now we just need everyone to sleep at night and this is the best way of doing that.

Gowgirl Mon 19-Sep-16 15:32:58

My 18 mo is still in our bed, she starts in her own but moves in the night, on the bright side the 3.5 yr old now stays in his own bed because its "too busy" in ours.....

maybethedayafter Mon 19-Sep-16 15:41:04

I love the thought of a bed being "too busy". Like Piccadilly Circus.

I'm feeling a bit more relaxed about it now. I'll still try putting her in her cot to give her to opportunity to like it but I won't stress if she doesn't. At least I'll try not to.

Gowgirl Mon 19-Sep-16 16:55:50

Piccadilly circus os more restfullgrin

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