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Concern for baby daughter living with her mom

10 replies

user1473849959 · 14/09/2016 12:00

Hello. I'm new to this so please forgive me if this isn't in the right section.

My partner and I separated a while ago after she cheated on me. Our 15 month old daughter lives with her mom. Yesterday she told me that she's been talking to a guy on a dating site called tinder. This guy has his own daughter who he's only allowed to see for a few hours on the weekend, he lives with his mom still and doesn't have a steady job. I don't mean to be rude or offend anyone but he also sent a video of himself masturbating to my ex partner (obviously so far I'm not very impressed with this guy) my ex partner has invited him round to her house when our daughter is gonna be upstairs in bed. I'm really not happy about this as she's never met this guy at all and he's gonna be at her house with my daughter.
I offered to babysit for her so she could meet this guy in a more public or mutual place but she declined saying I was being ridiculous. I'm shocked that she would allow this to happen, there's no way any other mom I know would let a stranger in to there home with their baby daughter upstairs. I've tried talking to her but she doesn't see anything wrong with it. I have real concerns about this and not sure what to do about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

Chris

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Savannah13nbump · 14/09/2016 15:57

Hi Chris, sorry no advice however I think it's absolutely crazy that a mum would allow a complete stranger from the Internet into her home, it would be bad enough if she didn't have a baby, but having a baby in the house is so wrong! The fact that you have offered to babysit and she has refused is beyond me, not only is she putting herself in danger but also the Baby! I'm sure thousands of people online are legit but no way would I meet with one unless in a public place until months after we met!

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YouAreMyRain · 14/09/2016 15:59

He will be expecting sex. He is a total stranger. It's very risky behaviour for her and your child.

Why did she tell you about it? Especially the wanking video

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WellErrr · 14/09/2016 16:06

It's ridiculous and unsafe behaviour from her.

But YABU about the video etc - her love life is no longer any of your business.

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FancyPuffin · 14/09/2016 16:52

Why would your ex tell you all that information

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Fairybella · 14/09/2016 16:55

Sounds all a bit dodgy... Could your daughter stay with you?? Your ex needs to understand you are both her parents and that she probably wouldn't like it if the shoe was on the other foot.

Do you think she may have already met this guy??

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user1473849959 · 14/09/2016 17:10

Hi there. I honestly think she told me just to get under my skin because she's been acting very jealous since I got with my new partner. But I'm not jealous that's why I offered to babysit. She skating a very dangerous and risky game with my daughters safety.

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StirredAndShaken · 15/09/2016 14:22

I'd say a clear distinction is needed between your baby's business and you partner's (sex) life.

Yes your partner's (sex) life is her own... But you definitely need to work with her on the idea that your baby is NOT "her own" but "YOUR daughter" too! These kind of decisions on "what is safe and what is not" need to be made jointly. Hard enough to do when you are together, so I imagine much more so now you are not!

Also agree that she's trying to get at you with this whole thing... which sadly kinda makes it even more unsafe, cause she's not acting rationally.

I'd insist to babysit. Good luck with it all whatever you do.

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BestZebbie · 15/09/2016 22:48

Does she perhaps feel that you have a partner who you have to stay whilst your daughter is in the house, and that you are a man who only has limited access to their daughter but that you are perfectly safe with children?

I do agree with you that at an early stage in knowing this guy it would be better if your daughter wasn't present - but other than that it isn't your business who she invites back to her house, when, to do what. Out of interest, if it was a female friend from a quilting circle coming over for a glass of wine one evening after your daughter was in bed, would you be offering to babysit that as well? (I suspect not)

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BreatheDeep · 16/09/2016 07:52

I think you're right to be pointing out your safety concerns. She's mad to invite a man she's met on the Internet back to her house - that's against all safety advice completely. Perhaps if you expressed it as a concern for both her and your baby daughter she'd think again? If she's trying to get at you then maybe you showing concern for her will alleviate that as she'll know you still care even though you're not together. Or maybe explain it's because she doesn't know this man and you wouldn't be concerned at all if she'd known him longer.