Oh god, dd with asd and keeping secrets. Have I handled this correctly?!

(8 Posts)
FlemCandango Tue 06-Sep-16 19:14:11

Dd is 10 and hf asd. She is very sweet and trusting and kind, I constantly worry about her being taken advantage of by classmates.

Today out of the blue after dinner she started talking about a girl, who had said her mother was dead and her father had left and she was living alone with her little brother! After questioning it turned out that dd was told this by a girl in her year group last term while on a school trip. Dd was told that this girl's mum had died the previous day, she was all alone with her little brother but she didn't want anyone to know so she swore Dd to secrecy. Dd was obviously worried about her but promised she wouldn't tell anyone and suggested that her friend should phone child line.

Since then dd has kept the secret and it clearly worried her to tell us. She was scared of being in trouble with her friend! After I established exactly what her friend had told her and how her friend was still coming to school clean and we'll fed it seemed pretty clear it wasn't as she said. She is being looked after by someone and it seems unlikely she is alone and the sole carer of her brother. I asked dd whether she thought it could really be true and if it was right to keep it a secret if it was true? She was still worried about her friend being angry. sad

I have explained that Dr should never keep secrets that don't feel right. That a child alone needs help, and if she wanted it to be kept secret maybe that was because it was untrue. Dd now feels stupid but I have made it clear that I think she is very kind and trusting h but that she needs to talk to me if someone asks her to keep a secret like that. That she needs guidance sometimes and secrets are not always safe, sometimes she needs to think about if something might be wrong with a secret.

It is a useful conversation, but I am very concerned about Dd and this girl. Should I speak to the school? Or do anything else???

FlemCandango Tue 06-Sep-16 19:36:11

Bump cos I could do with another perspective on this cheers

FlemCandango Tue 06-Sep-16 20:14:18

No ideas?

tighterthanscrooge Tue 06-Sep-16 20:17:54

I'd mention about the girl to the class teacher, the school will know what's happening I'd hope! Maybe tell DD she can share secrets with mummy and no one will get into trouble?

firsttimemum15 Tue 06-Sep-16 20:19:02

Like you said to your daughter... do what feels right for you.

FlemCandango Tue 06-Sep-16 20:25:24

Thanks tighter I have tried to make that clear to dd, if asked yesterday I would have said that dd would share something like this with me. I think it is her social communication issues that have made her a little naive and too easily led. The girl may give dd a hard time if it is raised a at school but I suppose I have a duty to ensure everything is ok. Though it has been a couple of months at least since she first told dd...

Booboostwo Tue 06-Sep-16 20:30:25

My first thought is that you should have a very quiet, confidential chat with the teacher ASAP. I doubt the story is true, but the teacher and safeguarding officer are best place to look into it. Also, if it is not true the lie itself is an indication that the little girl may need some additional help to cope with what has happened at home. Either way I would put it in the hands of the school.

FlemCandango Tue 06-Sep-16 20:42:48

I am sure you a right boo, this is clearly a troubled child either way.sad

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