Feeling out of my depth - please help!

(17 Posts)
GC0509 Sun 04-Sep-16 20:37:14

My lb is 12 days old and I am just feeling a bit lost and like I have no idea what I am doing. My partner goes back to work this week and any time I think about it I am close to tears. This post wont make much sense I'm not too sure if I'm venting or asking for advise..

I basically don't know what I am doing with my son.. He falls asleep for the evening around 7 and I will feed and change him when we go up to bed around 11 and put him down in his bedside crib, he will go around 2 hours and I will change him and try to feed him which he refuses. He will then go back down for around an hour before waking up for a feed and then thats pretty much it.. he wont settle properly for the rest of the night until around 5am.. what am i doing wrong? Do I try and keep him awake later in the evening so he sleeps during the night?

I think my partner is feeling pretty useless as my son wants feeding all the time during the day and will settle better for me.. should I start letting my partner give baby a formula bottle before bed to help him bond better?

How and when do I try to implement a bedtime routine (I am totally aware he is too young for a full routine)

When will I put baby up in his bed whilst we are still downstairs?

I am breastfeeding - When will baby stop wanting to be fed almost every hour?

I'm just a bit lost - I don't know what to do.

WalrusGumboot Sun 04-Sep-16 20:42:48

At this stage I would just follow baby's cues. Wait till he wakes up for a feed rather than waking him up. Feed responsively during the day and night. Assuming you haven't got any other children to worry about just make the most of all the alone time you'll get with him when your dh returns to work.

Your baby is still so little and has a tiny tummy. You'll need to feed regularly for a while to come yet. Have you had any problems with feeding, sore nipples for example?

WalrusGumboot Sun 04-Sep-16 20:45:19

Meant to say, let your partner take care of nappy changing and cuddling baby when he's not feeding. It's important he feels involved, but introducing formula now might interfere with your breastfeeding, if you plan to continue with it.

WalrusGumboot Sun 04-Sep-16 20:48:05

Sorry I keep seeing other parts of your post! Safe sleeping guidelines recommend keeping baby in the same room as you whilst he's sleeping, until the age of six months.

golfmonkey Sun 04-Sep-16 20:53:08

You're not doing anything wrong, he's a newborn and it's a really life changing experience having one for the first time! You are bound to feel stressed and out of.your depth but remember we all did at that point. I would ask the health visitor to come round if they haven't already, and also just concentrate on feeding the baby and sleeping when you can.

I would try to start.to teach the difference between night and day by keeping things dark and quiet after 8pm and bright and noisy (like have the radio on)after 8am. It took my dd1 4 months to figure it out but dd2 was quicker as I did this right from the start.

For you, I'd try to get a shower once a day and dressed in the morning. You don't need to do this but it helped me feel better initially. As you.are breastfeeding, eat and drink plenty too!

Other than that I reckon you're doing fine. Read a bit about baby sleep (I'd just Google it) so you get an idea of how much he should be sleeping (loads, but in really annoyingly small chunks)....

Congratulations!

BastardBernie Sun 04-Sep-16 20:55:19

This is what I have done with my three children so worth a try.
6.30pm I close all the blinds, turn the television and any background noise off and get the baby bath into the living room with all their things.
6.45pm out of the bath and straight into sleeping bag in darkened quiet room where cot is.
I'll feed and then if they're drifting off, lay them down gently. If they are sort of awake, I rock them for a while then leave the room.
If they wake in the night, I walk in the dark to kitchen and make bottle (or breastfeed).
I make no eye contact and put straight back down after the feed, usually they wiggled around for a bit but drift off. If not I would rock in the room of their cot for a while.
In the morning (about 6am) I change nappy and give bottle, when they are going thru a growth spurt they go back down in the cot, if not the day begins and they will lie on playmat or I'll sit and chat. I always make sure they are up for at least 1.5 hours before the bath.
In regards to feeding I think little and often is best, keep little baby upright for at least 10 mins after.
Congrautulations and don't worry, we are all here for any questions! smile

thisismyfirsttime Sun 04-Sep-16 20:58:27

When you say you change him and try to feed him are you waking him to do this? If so, try stopping that as you are disturbing his sleep pattern (unless you've been advised to do so due to poor weight gain etc but even so, if he's refusing the feed he's not taking any extra in!). Dreamfeeding can come along later if necessary.

GC0509 Sun 04-Sep-16 21:00:08

Thank you for your replies!

My nipples have just the past day started to become sore and tingly and it is hurting slightly when he latches on. We have been giving him a dummy when in his crib as its the only way he will settle - he is sleeping in his pram carrycot when downstairs and settles in there no problem. The HV is coming tomorrow so will mention that then..

I would mention to her exactly how I feel but I don't like my HV. I've only met her once before baby was born but I felt she was very judgmental and asked if I was with the dad and when I said I was apprehensive she said I will be 'one to keep an eye on'.. didn't exactly fill me with confidence!

GC0509 Sun 04-Sep-16 21:03:12

Thanks again everyone for your replues. I don't wake him for a feed he is usually grizzling because of a dirty nappy.. sometimes it will take an hour in the night to get resettled as I willchange his nappy as he has had a poo, feed him then he will have another poo within 10 minutes of laying him back down

Wolfiefan Sun 04-Sep-16 21:03:16

You sound like you are doing really well. Little babies cluster feed to increase supply and put on weight. When BF is more established could you express? He could give that in a bottle.
Have you had your latch checked? If it's sore there could be a minor issue or a tongue tie.

Ollycat Sun 04-Sep-16 21:04:50

Congratulations on your baby - a new baby, especially your first can be overwhelming but it does get easier I promise!

Little babies feed on demand not to schedules unfortunately - my dd used to cluster feed for hours in the evening. She did wake every couple of hours till she was 18 months or so whereas my ds slept for 6 hours from an early age.

Lots of skin to skin contact will stimulate your milk supply. Have you tried feeding lying on your side and then you could just scoot baby back into the bedside crib? I coslept with mine but I appreciate that's not everyone's thing - however it was a lifesaver for me. I never changed nappies in the night unless they were smelly and never switched lights on.

Sleep with baby during the day as well DONT feel you need to spend this time doing housework.

Get dh to look after baby whilst you shower etc.

Remember you've just grown a little person - you totally rock so be kind to yourself.

Ollycat Sun 04-Sep-16 21:08:31

Just thought don't judge how much you can express as an indication of supply - I could never express much and dd wouldn't drink it from a bottle anyway but she was exclusively breastfed for 6 months do supply obv ok.

A new baby is really really hard and tiring and anyone who says otherwise is either fibbing or has forgotten. Be gentle on yourself and don't get sucked into the media pressure to be super mum

Ollycat Sun 04-Sep-16 21:10:11

Sorry just read your last post - the tingly feeling in your nipples could be your let down reflex as your milk comes.

sunnydayinmay Sun 04-Sep-16 21:15:33

DS2 had a similar sleep pattern. I used to to sleep for a few hours at 7pm, so that I could cope with the nights from 2am to 7am.

Babies change almost daily when they are little, and all babies are different. It is easiest to follow their cues, rather than trying to start a routine too soon.

somefarawaydream Sun 04-Sep-16 21:20:57

If you are struggling to get him to take a feed try stripping him down to his nappy and feed him with your top off too. Skin to skin may encourage him more.

It's so bloody overwhelming at that stage. Give yourself a few months. Just get through each day, you're doing wonderfully and he sounds like he's acting as a newborn should!

Congratulations

WalrusGumboot Sun 04-Sep-16 21:21:21

Lansinoh cream for sore nipples, I always recommend that, life saving stuff!

The constant waking through the night will get easier as time goes on, although I know it feels never-ending.

BTW, my hv worried me at first as I was very teary after having my second, I thought I was on some 'list' somewhere! She was just concerned (rightly so I think) and monitored me regularly for PND. Please don't be afraid to ask for her help.

Coconut0il Sun 04-Sep-16 21:44:20

With my DS1 I had no idea what I was doing either OP. I suddenly had this tiny baby and I didn't have a clue! With DS2 it's been a bit easier and my advice would definitely be to follow your baby's lead. You are not doing anything wrong. If he wants feeding, feed him. My DS2 was a pretty constant feeder till about 3 months. Remind your DP that you are a team, he's not useless, you need him to help you while you are feeding. DP would bring me snacks and drinks and help by looking after me and DS1 while I bf. There are also other things your DP can do, cuddling, rocking, singing to baby. Bathing or changing nappies. Nothing wrong with a bottle of expressed/formula. DS1 had a bottle a day but it had no effect on sleep. DS2 was a bottle refuser.

The night waking is tough, find what works for you. Get your sleep when you can. When DS2 was younger I would go to bed early with him, this is when he had his best sleep. I would do the night feeds then DP would take him downstairs from 5 till 7 so I could sleep. DS2 was 9 months when he slept through for the first time.

Also don't worry what others are doing. What's important is what works for you and your family.

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