Those who bonded quicker with #2.....

(7 Posts)
NinaNeener Sun 04-Sep-16 12:28:23

I know you're all going to tell me I'm being silly.......

I'm about to give birth to #2. I feel extremely bonded with her already, I can almost picture her and am constantly imagining her tiny squishy body in my arms. Feel very emotional about her.

I have a little lad, who I adore. Amazing child, was always easy and delightful.

BUT during my last pregnancy and the early months of his life I was going through very stressful and all consuming times with terminal family illness etc, and whilst I didn't get PND (miraculously) I didn't bond with him for a long time. I just didn't have space in my head or heart. I don't really blame myself, it was a gruelling time and I could only do so much. I was a good pleasant mother throughout, just totally disconnected. It was like I was babysitting a friend's baby. Or a puppy. All very cute, but that's all. He didn't mean much to me. And he was often downright inconvenient when I had very poorly adults to take care of 24/7.

I finally bonded with him after everything was over and I finally had the space to properly focus on him. He was about a year old I guess? Am very emotional about him too now, and fiercely proud of him.....but only since around then.

Now I'm starting to feel very anxious about the contrast in my feelings already!

I am almost afraid that the guilt I have successfully avoided thus far will crash down like a ton of bricks when I find myself feeling so different about #2!

If you bonded better initially with #2, how did it make you feel?

I'm being ridiculous, aren't I? Tell me to get a grip!

CathFromCooberPedy Sun 04-Sep-16 12:33:55

I probably had undiagnosed pnd with dd1 due to shit birth, moving house and living on the other side of the world to family and friends.

We still live here bit l was better prepared for dd2 and had a fabulous quick birth with her. I bonded instantly and yes my relationship is a bit different with her than dd1. But l love them both, l just acknowledge how l feel regarding dd2 birth etc.

JinkxMonsoon Sun 04-Sep-16 12:36:36

I understand how you feel. I had a traumatic experience with DC1 and suffered from PND and anxiety. With DC2 I was worried that if I had a much easier time of things, I'd find myself disliking and subconsciously "blaming" DC1.

Well, I did have an easier time and I didn't have any PND, but my bond with baby DC2 didn't have any effect on my bond with DC1, because I was bonded to them both. Of course I wish that DC1's early days could have been different, but the past is the past and I love both of my children equally. Does that make sense?

NinaNeener Sun 04-Sep-16 12:40:10

Yes and nothing could dent my feelings for DS, but I'm afraid the past will haunt me if it's very different this time. Even though I know I was a decent Mum in practice, I was emotionally barely a Mum at all.

WatchingFromTheWings Sun 04-Sep-16 12:49:01

I had a traumatic birth with DC1. I didn't bond with him properly until after DC2 was born 2 years later. I had an unsupportive DH (now ex), an overbearing MIL and a critical unsupportive DM added to the mix. Don't let it worry you too much. Ally's good now and DC1 is now a well adjusted 16yo who was never aware of what I was goi g through.

WatchingFromTheWings Sun 04-Sep-16 12:49:23

*all's

JinkxMonsoon Sun 04-Sep-16 12:52:53

Yes and nothing could dent my feelings for DS, but I'm afraid the past will haunt me if it's very different this time. Even though I know I was a decent Mum in practice, I was emotionally barely a Mum at all.

Honestly, that's all so familiar to me. I know I took care of DC1 but I was so miserable.

I was worried that DC2's birth would make me feel guilty but I didn't. I was probably too busy to do much navel gazing, you know? grin

Please try not to worry.

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