So, say I went to the GP to tell them I'm struggling...(22 Posts)
What are they likely to say?
I've got two kids, 1 and 3 and they're both going through difficult times. The 1 year old is learning to talk and is teething so her sleep has gone to hell. The 3 year old is a typical three year old who argues about everything, never listens and has a tantrum at the drop of a hat. About anything.
When I had my first daughter I had undiagnosed PND. I refused to go to the doctors about it and, when I got pregnant with my second daughter, it lifted. Probably due to the hormones.
I basically spend my entire day so tightly wound that with any tiny little thing I snap and shout. I feel on edge all the time and have cried more in this last month than I have since I had the PND before. I basically spend most days thinking how my life got this difficult and shit.
The other thing I've thrown into the mix (and I do believe this is a big culprit) is I've started back on the mini pill. Prior to this we were just using condoms but frankly I'm petrified to get pregnant again so I wasn't keen on having sex just in case we had an accident.
I'm just worried that if I go to the doctors they're either going to say 'yeah life is hard - you've got a 1 and a 3 year old what do you expect' or they're going to say 'what do you want me to do' which, frankly, I don't know the answer to.
I suspect the first thing they'll say is to stop the pill and take those hormones out of the equation but wondered what your doctors have said when you've told them you're feeling depressed?
They probably will ask at some stage what you want them to do as this is part of good gp practice to see if patients have come in with an outcome in mind eg someone might come in wanting anti depressants or a certain test done and this is a way of extricating that info if they don't volunteer it. The pill sounds like it could be contributing to what is a tough situation. Go and have a chat with them and see what alternatives there might be.
And also having Two very young kids is really really tough - it almost pushed me over the edge so don't be too hard on yourself.
Thanks cakes. I would really prefer not to go down the anti depressant route if possible. I'd like to try and plough through it with behavioural therapy type stuff if possible...
Is it worth seeing your health visitor rather than GP? Do you feel you need ADs or just more support? HV might be more help on the latter.
Obviously GP can advise on alternative contraceptives but they might struggle to come up with anything else helpful from a medical perspective.
Can you put older one in nursery a few mornings a week? Go to a class once a week by yourself? I have a similar age gap (now aged 2 and 4) and it still is hard but getting easier all the time. I work PT and go to yoga once a week which really helps. Plus my parents are nearby and in-laws always keen to babysit so OH and I can go out together about once a month. Do you get enough "grown up" time?
Oops, cross post about ADs. So worth seeing GP about contraception and asking for therapy (although believe there are long waiting lists). But also getting support/"me time" sorted somehow too?
The girls are both in nursery in the afternoons while I work PT. My mum has them for an afternoon (to save us some money on nursery fees) and often takes my oldest for sleepovers. But since her sleep is fairly regular it doesn't necessarily mean we get a good nights sleep. I wouldn't ask her to take the youngest because her sleep is so erratic.
Unfortunately I haven't heard from my HV since my youngest was about 6 months? Just literally no contact whatsoever. Wouldn't even know who to ask for TBH.
My partner works away quite often so it's tricky for me to organise a class because I couldn't commit to anything in case he had to work that particular evening. I do need to do something that involves me being out the house but frankly, by the time it gets to the evening I'm often so tired that the thought of going out to a class seems like the last thing I want to do.
I get the being tired thing - I often don't feel like going to yoga at 6:30pm on a Friday! But I always feel better when I've been. I do a "pay as you go" class so don't book when I know my OH is working, although I've still been caught out on occasions when his shifts changed at the last minute
Another thing I find useful is lowering my standards and letting little things go - for example, I used to try and make home made from scratch meals for the kids all the time (and half the time they wouldn't eat them ) and now I'm giving them either frozen food or snack meals (bagels, cheese on toast) more often. Plus I used to shout at them a lot about sitting nicely at the table but now I just say, if you've had enough you can get down. And we definitely rely on CBeebies/iPad a lot now. For me it was about trying to let go and not get all wound up about things that don't really matter in the long term. Does it really matter if the older one eats cheese sandwiches for breakfast? Does it matter if the wee one tips loads of toys on the floor? If I don't shout he might even help tidy them up again later...
The doctor will likely say to you something along the lines of 'I'm not surprised you're finding it hard, with all that going on, we wish you'd come in earlier!' and then they will do everything they can to help and support you, and if you don't want anti-depressants, there are always lots of other options. Also talk to your HV, as they're very supportive of any parent who can admit they're struggling xx
I have no real advice for you but want you to know you aren't alone at all. I have a one a a three year old and it's bloody hard work mentally most days. I find the 3 year old particularly challenging because my mind makes allowances for smaller ones ifykwim.
Anyway, good for you for even thinking about speaking out and asking for help if you feel some support is required.
Be kind to yourself xxx
I really struggled on hormonal contraception after dc2 was born and stopping it helped massively. I'd start there if I were you.
If you're anything like I was, the cloud will lift quite quickly and then you can tackle some of the other problems like shit sleep!!
You're not alone and you're not the first person to feel like this. There is a way through it!
Thanks all. I'm inclined to stop the contraception and see what happens. I've never been a particularly patient person but this is above and beyond what I want my kids to remember from their childhood.
It all feels very odd because, right now for example, I feel very calm and rational about it all. But that's likely because I'm sitting in silence at work and not being hounded every two minutes.
DD2 is going through a very normal sleep regression. I totally recognise it but sadly it's not making it any easier. My partner is fantastic but she wails for me in the night and simply won't settle for him. I don't want to make a rod for my own back but I might as well leave her to cry when she's with him.
I think I'll call the doctors and try and get someone to take the kids while I rustle up an appointment. They're like hens teeth though so it might be a while!!
In the meantime try and get some time for yourself. At teatime the 4 year old threw a tantrum because I gave him the chocolate custard he asked for... But yoga, take away, chocolate and wine have lowered my blood pressure again. You can leave the kids with your OH, if you aren't there he will figure out a way to soothe the little one.
I asked about getting help for stress.
I was referred to counselling services (not NHS, I would have to pay on unclear scale), 17 miles away.
In order to get the counselling, I needed child care. And to drive.
I'd have to pay for sessions, pay for parking, pay for childcare during the 1-1.5 hour drive & the 1 hour actual session (had no childcare options lined up).
So I got nothing, in the end. Getting any counselling was going to add a lot more stress. You could say seeing the GP was pretty pointless.
There are some online resources you could use to do CBT on yourself. I can't recommend any as I've never tried but i used to work in the mental health sector and I know this was a growing area of CBT. Self help CBT could avoid many of the issues lijkk sadly found
I went to my GP and found the help offered very good. It's annoying that you have to wait for the talking therapy but it was very worthwhile when it came. I had one face-to-face meeting with the therapist and then telephone appointments. It was nice feeling someone was on my side and the therapist was very encouraging. Exercise has also proved really helpful - I started exercising seriously to lower my blood pressure and after a while found I was having fewer anxiety symptoms. Good luck.
I could have written your post op. It IS bloody hard with a 3yo and a 1yo but depression is no joke. Go to the GP, ditch the pill and go from there. I am on ads now and they are helping me get to a level where I can start to think about doing things to lift myself. Also, the 1yo has FINALLY slept through and my goodness, what a difference a full nights sleep makes. You'll get there and there's no shame in asking for a helping hand along the way.
I had an awful time on the mini pill. Truly terrible.
Try stopping it and see how you're feeling in a couple of weeks.
Thanks again all. Have stopped the pill and called for a duty doctor to call today. Receptionist said he was reserved for emergencies and it wasn't an emergency. I get that...
Annoyingly though I'm a bit stuck without care in the mornings now (when I don't work) and the policy is that you have to call that morning first thing and you take whatever you're given that day. Very tricky without someone to take the kids at a moments notice. And I think it would defeat the purpose of the exercise to take them with me...
I'll look into online CBT stuff I think. I am going to get to the docs but it's looking a bit difficult just now...
Try asking for a telephone appointment with a GP. I didn't know they existed till someone suggested in on here. Was stuck in the same thing where ring on the day is just not going to work. I wanted to ask for a referral in relation to DS's behavior so didn't really want to have to take DS and talk about it with him listening. The phone appointment was a few days wait and then they rang when I was sitting in bed with a cup of tea and DS was in the other room watching TV and oblivious. It was fab. Got referral, DS didn't even know.
Unfortunately that's what's called a duty doctor appointment in my practice King and they said they're reserved for emergencies.
In some areas you can self refer help, counselling etc. Google IAPT service in your area. You don't have to suffer, it doesn't have to be like this. (must listen to my own advice!)
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