My 7. 5 month old is so miserable and I just can't cope anymore(34 Posts)
I really can't cope. My husband came home to find me in tears tonight, just like at 4am this morning. My son used to be so happy and smiley and everyone used to comment on it. Now he is miserable constantly when at home with me and nothing I do is right for him. We go out to one class every day and for a walk/to the shops/park everyday as well he seems happy at these classes and when we are out. At home however, he whinges and cries if I put him down on his front, on his back or sitting up. Cries in his high chair so I have no idea if he is crying because he is hungry/full/miserable. I try to entertain him, play with him, sing to him, give him toys, give him space and time to play on his own and quiet time, use a walker and jumparoo he just doesn't like anything for more that a couple of minutes. The only time he stops is if I pick him up and walk around with him. If I then sit down with him he starts again. I feel like I am failing. I can't spend all day out of the house. He won't nap for more than 30 minutes a day and it's 50/50 if he will allow me to put him down in his cot. Today he hasn't. I always have to rock him to sleep he has never self settled. His night time sleep is awful, changes on a nightly basis and have to rock him/sometimes just pat him to sleep. Tried CC a few weeks ago out of pure desperation but it didn't work at all. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Is he teething? No sign of any but giving him stuff anyway. developmental leap? Trying half heartedly to craw but been doing this for weeks now. Food allergy/intolerance after starting solids? No idea. Separation anxiety? He cries when I'm with him. Illness? No systems. Overtired? Very probably but I can't figure out how to solve that.
I must just be a crap mum who can't make he child happy or get him to sleep. I'm so sad. Husband is great and we do 50/50 nights. I also get time to do my own thing on weekends eg went for a massage this weekend. Have been to health visitor and gp about him and me. Am on anti depressants - feel like this is been managed well.
I just want my happy baby back. Is it a phase? It been going on about a month now. Not going though a wonder week at the moment.
Could have written most of this myself! My DD is 7 months and very whingey at the min. Shes commando crawling and seems close to proper crawling but still wont tolerate being on the floor for more than a couple of minutes. She just wants carried around all the time, with me pointing things out and letting her touch them. She wants to be outside most of the time. She wont sit in high chair or jumperoo for very long. Also seems to be having nightmares or something, crying/restless sleep at night. I think its a massive developmental leap, and maybe a bit of teething. Her babbling and co-ordination seems to be getting better every day, she really seems to listen when we speak etc.
Im also still feeding to sleep and co-sleeping and theres no chance il get a night out for a long time.
No real advice, just empathetic hand holding. It will get better!
I think 7.5 months is a leap? I could have written this you know. My lad is two weeks older and he's been driving me around the bend lately, and I've certainly had terrible mummy feelings too. But it's not us! It's not really them either. It just is what it is. We'll muddle through, one way or another.
Thank you both, it does help to know that it's not just me. Messy, mine wants to be outside all the time too which is lovely in this great weather, but carrying him about pointing out the sunflowers for the 100000th time is exhausting! Thanks again for taking the time to reply and fingers crossed for a better day.
God this sounds tough. My son had a whingebag phase until he could crawl, but once he was mobile things did improve, or at least his mood and sleep did
the kamikaze crawling wasn't relaxing but at least I carried him less
Maybe have a read of wonder weeks, I'm sure it's just a phase, but I found it helped to understand what changes they were dealing with
Thanks both. Bondi, I've got the wonder weeks app which I too have found very helpful. Apparently he is not due another leap for a week, but who knows, maybe he's early. Already crying and whinging this morning and he's only been up 45 minutes. I'm sad because I'm worried that he is sad, but also frustrated and annoyed as it's just so soul destroying.
Sounds familiar...mine is generally on his best behaviour when we are out, but has ferocious tantrums and constant crying and whining when it's just the two of us.
It's very very tiring. I think it's just that they are secure with you so they can really let rip. It's tough
He sounds totally and utterly exhausted, as do you. In my experience, most miserable behaviour is down to lack of sleep.
When you say you did CC, what exactly happened?
Have you tried a wrap type sling? Dts will only fall asleep in the car, in a sling or whilst feeding. Even if baby is quite heavy a well fitted sling will at least give you your hands back! One of my twins went through a phase of constantly crying when put down however will stay in the sling, silent and content for hours and hours, they can see so much too.
Lapin I agree that he is probably exhausted. He wakes up from his naps (usually 30 minutes 3 times a day, sometimes longer if on me) crying. I try to rock him back to sleep but he won't have it. Even though we had a 'good night' with only 3 wake ups he has been crying this morning. My husband has him at the moment so I can have an hour on my own before he goes to work. They are upstairs watching YouTube and he's not crying now. Often I think it's me and that my son doesn't like me. With the CC we did 7 nights which got progressively worse. First night cried for 15 mins then went to sleep and woke up twice but settled within 10 mins each time. I thought that was amazing and was so hopeful. But By night 7 he was rolling onto his tummy, screaming hysterically for an hour and waking up several times for much longer than 10 minutes. I know it's meant to get worse before it gets better but it was proper distressed screaming that I couldn't take anymore. I'm also worried that that is the reason he's now so grumpy, he hates me for letting him cry.
Oh, it's grim, isn't it?
Ds2 is the sunniest baby imaginable but he was a whiny sobbing nightmare for about a month before he cracked crawling. In retrospect he must have been massively frustrated particularly around sitting/lying down when all he wanted to do was move.
CC was a disaster for us with DS1 so haven't tried it with DS2. Instead we do pick up/put down which is tiring but by around night 4 you start to see results and it shifted him from wake ups every 2 hours to waking twice in the night for a feed.
For naps, the Ergo was a godsend with both babies who were a bit nap resistant.
With the CC were you going into him or leaving him?
He sounds over stimulated and exhausted. I would cut back on groups every day personally.
With the controlled crying we were going in. Never left it more than 8 minutes. I go to the groups everyday because he seems to like them and doesn't cry when we are there! Over the holidays I have been to less as there are not all running and that has actually coincided with the grumpiness. I have sling (but not a wrap one) good idea about using it more during the day. Thanks for all the advice and words of comfort.
Gong back to the CC were you going in every 2 mins then increasing it slowly?
Cc didn't work for us either. I think it works well when the issue is general grumpy not wanting to go to sleep type thing, but it doesn't work if there's an issue like separation anxiety or a specific physical problem. Anyway, it isn't the magic cure all its touted to be.
I'd get him as physically tired as you can, then have you tried the 'wake to sleep' method? You rouse them slightly before they wake and they slip into the next cycle
It's really tough. There may not be a magic answer - Ds has been like this for months now. He's crawling but wants to walk I think
Yes with the CC we were increasing the time, so 2, 5 then 8 minutes. Not tried pick up pud down or wake to sleep so will have a go-thank you. Just got him to sleep for his nap this only took a few minutes by rocking, but he's woken up the second I put him in his cot. So now looks like I'll be holding him again for the next 30 minutes.
Oh you poor thing, you sound knackered.
It sounds a bit like you are trying everything you can to please him, but perhaps conversely trying lots of different things is making him confused and anxious? You sound very anxious and stressed and it's so easy to get into a vicious circle where you affect each other.
If he doesn't want to be put down, maybe see what happens if you don't even try. Resolve yourself to just carrying him/keeping him close to you for a few days and see if he relaxes? Is there something you can plan which is enjoyable and relaxing for you both? I think the sling is worth a try too - if you get the right one you can comfortably keep them in there for a couple of hours at a time.
Also - it will be a phase, and it will end. I'm sorry it's so hard at the moment. I remember those moments of desperation.
I'd try the cc again and continue with it if it worked initially or the pick up put down.
It WILL pass, it all does x
I also suggest groups every day is maybe too much. Can you swap a few to just going out for a walk, grabbing coffee with a friend or similar.
Also suggest using a sling. At 7 months mine actually was in the sling a lot or slept next to me. They wouldn't have liked a cot alone and cry but being near Dh or I they were very content
Thanks to you all for your suggestions and support. Lots to think about. Good to know that it's not just me/us and that people have come out the other side.
Op I really sympathise. My DS is horribly grumpy about half the time! He has always done every single growth spurt, sleep regression and development leap with maximum fuss and grumpiness. He's also happy as Larry when out and about, and when both me and DH are around. If it's just me and him at home and I try to put him down alone for 5 minutes, he turns into a whiny nightmare.
I find the sling a godsend. Not only does it make him so calm and happy but it seems to have an effect on his mood for the rest of the day. I make sure he gets an hour at least in it. I find him too big and wriggly for a wrap type sling now and just bought a Connecta which is wonderful.
I wonder if lack of sleep is a factor? We've never done any sleep training partly because it's not my style but also we've never had the window- he's always in, or just going into or coming out of a grumpy spell and my priority is always just doing whatever it takes to get him enough sleep. Most daytime naps are in the buggy as that's what works. When he's been really bad I've put him down for a nap every 90 minutes and that's reset him. Sleep makes SUCH a difference to him. I have friends whose babies only sleep 20 mins at a time and they seem OK on it but mine has to be made to sleep 3 hours a day.
I've also noticed that I'm sure he picks up on my mood too, which makes they days it's just me and him even worse as they're the days I find hardest too. Not that there's much you can do, and I struggle with this, but as someone said upthread maybe resigning yourself to the fact that you can't put him down will help? I certainly find it goes in cycles for me- I have weeks where I try to fight it and hey loads done and it goes wrong and I get really stressed. When I accept that all I can do is just tread water, feed him, get him to sleep and entertain him and forget errands and housework then it's generally much better. I find I go to the supermarket every day with him in the sling as it entertains him for an hour!!
You're not alone.
You're a wonderful mum.
He loves you. You just see him at his worst, most sensitive, bored, frustrated, tired etc. And with babies the worst times can be worse than the good times are good, IYKWIM.
Frustration is a HUGE factor as well. The month when mine was starting to eat but not really managing it he cried every meal time, and he was trying to crawl as well. Around 6 months to just under 8 months were my hardest as a mother so far I think. He's really turned a corner I think now as he's moving more. It will pass.
Thank you sleepy, I'm glad things are going well for you and your baby now.
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