I can't be a mum any longer. I can't take much more.

(92 Posts)
Timetogrowup2016 Mon 22-Aug-16 11:44:42

Dd 6 months,
Refuses to nap for longer than 20 minutes at a time. Wakes up screaming as she's still tired but won't go back to sleep.Ive tried everything
Pushing the pram or going for a walk doesn't work.
The car does but I don't drive and I'm alone 7-5:30 each day.
A dark room doesn't work
White noise doesn't
Feeding to sleep doesn't
A dummy doesn't..
A sling doesn't
Holding her doesn't
Lying next to her doesn't
Rocking her doesn't

I could go on but nothing works.
She self settles at night and sleeping 8pm until 5am.

Instead she spends all day yawning, rubbing her eyes and whinging because she's tired. Unless my partner is here and then he settles her fine and she naps 1-2 hours.
I've had enough. I can not cope with her any longer.
This morning I lost my shit after she woke up after ten minutes. She self settled for it as well so I don't see how that can be the issue. I thought if they self settled they could get their self back to sleep? Not dd .

Sorry this is a massive rant and I don't really know what I'm trying to get from it.

This morning I left poor dd crying whilst I sobbed on my bed because I can't take much more.
I do something with her every day. A walk, baby group, a trip to the park. Nothing ever seems to make her happy. I just feel like one big failure.

What I need is someone to calm me down and to start over again today but I just feel unable to calm down.

Fwiw I can cope with her when my partner is here as I know he can take her for half an hour when it gets too much but when I'm alone I can not cope and it's been like this every day for 6 months now. I'm a shadow of who I used to be and just feel so miserable.
What hurts the most is I feel like her life has been wasted with me being miserable. I've wasted every day with her- all these moments I won't ever get back . She'll only be tiny once and I've spent most of it in tears

Lalaloopsyscaresme Mon 22-Aug-16 11:49:42

OP i hear you, i had two like this and you know what? It gets 100% better, do what gets you through the day, try to meet friends or family to help entertain her, dont try so hard with naps and routine just fit her into your day and dont be so hard on yourslef. Fwiw both of mine didn't nap properly til they were walking, and then it was 2 naps a day.
Parenting is so hard, i certainly didn't enjoy baby hood and im so glad that phase is over for me. You will get there too.

Lalaloopsyscaresme Mon 22-Aug-16 11:50:47

P.s. both of mine were baby tv addicts and I'm not ashamed (both are pretty intelligent for their age). Not ashamed to say they watched tv ALOT.

glitterwhip Mon 22-Aug-16 11:55:25

My youngest was like this ..she had reflux, she never slept, nap times were 20 minutes long and my partner works away all week so I was essentially on my own through it all.
It went on for a year and felt emotionally broken, some days were really dark and regretted having another baby. Im not even ashamed to say that, it was really rough but I promise you these days are temporary! You can get through it x
My daughter is almost 2 now and ok she's still pretty demanding but nowhere like the first months x stay strong!

Timetogrowup2016 Mon 22-Aug-16 11:57:03

Thank you.
I don't have any friends.
I have been to bay groups but I'm 22 and their all 30 plus women so I'm always left out and given funny looks as I look very young ( more like 18 ) still.
She can't roll or crawl yet so lives her life constantly frustrated that she can't go anywhere and she's always tired. She's tired all day long. Yesterday she slept 8-5am then back until 8am and at 8:45am was rubbing her eyes.

I see my mum once a week but she works the rest of the week.
I am stuck on my own the rest of the week.

Cel982 Mon 22-Aug-16 11:59:17

You poor thing, it sounds like you're really struggling. Of course her life hasn't been wasted; she's fed and warm and has a loving attentive Mum and Dad. She's fine.

I don't have an easy answer, except to say that short naps are very normal at this age. Mine slept for 40 minutes, and not a minute longer, until she was about 8 months, when she suddenly started to sleep for longer. It's a developmental stage, to do with the length of a baby's sleep cycle, and it doesn't mean there's a problem that needs to be fixed. But it is really hard. For me it got easier when I stopped fighting it and just accepted that naps were going to be short for the moment. (Mine also woke every 1-2 hours at night.)

I found that company really helped when things were tough - I went to every baby group I could find and ended up making some good friends that way. Everything seems worse when you're on your own, and I know it can feel like you're the only one with a 'difficult' baby. You're definitely, definitely not.

How are you feeling otherwise? Do you think talking to your GP or HV might help? Obviously I don't know if you're depressed, but it's so common in the postnatal period that it would be wrong not to consider it.

3littlerabbits Mon 22-Aug-16 11:59:21

I've had 3 like this, the first one was by far the worst! Like yours, slept all night, but during the day it was very tough. I remember it well! A lot of crying all round. Mine got way better once they could walk, no idea why! I tried loads of things, as I see you have too. It will get better with time. Sorry you are having a rough time - guaranteed half the people you see out pushing buggies are too! It will get better, hang in there x

MissBattleaxe Mon 22-Aug-16 12:00:55

It's normal and very common to find it tough. It does NOT mean you're a bad Mum or a failure. It does get better, and you are a good Mum otherwise you wouldn't be asking for help. It really does get better.

ishouldcocoa Mon 22-Aug-16 12:03:40

I remember my HV telling me that my DS would not be scarred for life by being left to cry for a bit - so remember that smile

However, have you been to see your HV or GP about this, and about how you are feeling? Get DD checked over, and explain how you're feeling, too. I'm sure they'd be able to help and offer some more advice.

Homestart

Lastly, have a look at these guys (see above). I used to volunteer for them, and would visit families with these kinds of problems.

Lastly IT WILL GET BETTER. Hang on in there...

Rainbowqueeen Mon 22-Aug-16 12:04:14

flowers for you.

It's so tough isn't it. You sound like a lovely caring mum who is doing her absolute best in really difficult circumstances. I hope things improve soon x

FramptonRose Mon 22-Aug-16 12:09:28

Honestly it will get better, my middle child was like this, it was a complete shock to the system, after having one baby who slept all the time.
My middle DC never ever wanted to sleep, we were the same, tried the car, pram, parks, black out blinds etc, everything, she just wouldn't nap, it is so frustrating, I remember crying my eyes out in the hall way as I just wanted a break.
my DC also woke up for two hours a night too so she was barely sleeping 8 hours in a 24 hour period, it was a nightmare. I ended up doing controlled crying at 10 months (I know people don't agree with it, I wasn't 100% about it) but I had tried everything and was at the end of my rope.
It turned out later on she suffered with silent reflux, she was much better once she was off bottles and onto eating foods properly.
I promise you it will get better, I went on to fall pregnant with DC 3 when she was 16 months old, she is also my easiest child by a mile now wink

MadSprocker Mon 22-Aug-16 12:10:25

Another one saying it will get better, which is easier said with hindsight flowers.

I worked in nurseries for years, and some children seem to not enjoy being babies, and were much more settled once they were toddling.

I am imagining you are getting not very helpful envy, by having a baby that sleeps through.

For me, I am much happier working, and it is better for my mental health. Is that how you feel? It is nothing to be ashamed about.

ButtfaceMiscreant Mon 22-Aug-16 12:11:02

I feel a lot like this a lot of the time. I have twins and an older toddler and the twins just do.not.sleep. If I do get them to sleep it is hardly ever at the same time nor for very long. My toddler was the same though so I know it will end, but my word it is tough when it is happening.

I don't really have any advice but just want you to know you are not alone flowers

Are there any baby groups near you? My toddler always fell asleep straight after baby group. Ignore other mums who give you funny looks; there are bound to be one or two others who are friendly and want to chat if you are confident enough to strike up conversation smile

Timetogrowup2016 Mon 22-Aug-16 12:12:37

Thank you.
I am in touch with my hv who does visit my home and has agreed that dd is demanding and difficult.

I love her to the moon and back and whilst she brings me so much joy it is so so hard and I often wonder why do people have more than one ?

I am also having counselling sessions at the moment as I do feel depressed but it's more the situation that is making me depressed.I feel ok until her first 'nap' and then she wakes up after 10-20 minutes I find my self fuming again and I get upset and wound up.
She's just woken up after another 20 minutes and this is what it will be like until 6pm now when she will have a over tired melt down but eerily refuse to stay asleep for longer than 20 minutes until 8pm when she manages to stay asleep...

mayhew Mon 22-Aug-16 12:14:32

I had one like this, including the good sleep at night. The only thing that helped was going for a walk outside with her in a sling. The brisker the walk, the more effective it was. Getting out was good for me too.

TheBakeryQueen Mon 22-Aug-16 12:20:15

I can remember those days too Op. My first was a non-sleeping, miserable baby! We tried everything!

Have you tried white noise? I'm sure I even bought a vibrating bouncy chair for naps.

Anyway, sometimes it is just a phase that you need to get through as stressful as it is.

I second the idea to get out the house as much as possible, it does make the day go quicker and helps you to cope.

Try again with the baby groups, I doubt the other mums are thinking anything about your age. I remember feeling quite nervous with my first but it got easier as time went on.

TheBakeryQueen Mon 22-Aug-16 12:22:12

She is adorable and sounds like she knows her own mind!

notquitegrownup2 Mon 22-Aug-16 12:24:11

Oh loads of sympathy - and well done for posting too. It's not easy to admit to not enjoying motherhood. But lots of us remember only too well what it felt like to battle through with a challenging baby especially without family support around. I'm another one, who just hung on by the skin of my teeth until they got older and life became easier a little at a time.

The thing that saved my sanity was going to bed once a week at 8pm, at the same time as the baby. Once a week, I topped up on sleep and became human again for a day or two . . . .

Cranial osteopathy helped my eldest to sleep a bit more regularly - we only had 2 sessions but it did chill him out a lot - the osteopath thought that he was suffering from headpain as a result of a venteuse delivery. Best 2 x £25 we have ever spent - though it had no effect at all on ds2, so isn't guaranteed to help!

Is there any chance that rather than tiredness, the eye rubbing could be itchy eyes/hay fever? I think that she's old enough now for baby piriton which would help with that and also makes them drowsy - maybe worth discussing with your health visitor.

Best of luck. Keep on trying out different activities and groups - even if you don't make lifelong buddies, they will keep her occupied, until she turns into an easier person to be with.

Thinking of you

TheBakeryQueen Mon 22-Aug-16 12:24:20

Oh and it's somehow easier with subsequent babies because you know in your heart that every phase ends eventually.
It's much harder first time round.

Trifleorbust Mon 22-Aug-16 12:24:59

Unhelpful, probably, but I was a 'no nap' kid as well. I stopped sleeping in the day at around 2 months old. Is her demeanour an issue or is it mainly that you need a break? Could someone else give you a break? Maybe you could look into a nursery place.

flowers

Footle Mon 22-Aug-16 12:32:38

Is that your lovely red hair or hers ? Beautiful baby !

Timetogrowup2016 Mon 22-Aug-16 12:33:11

Thank you.
White noises and a bouncy vibrating doesn't work.
She self settled again for this nap but still didn't sleep for long.I was always told if they self settled they slept for longer ??
She is definitely over tired.
She's yawns and rubs her eyes at the same time.
She shows no sings of hay fever, her eyes aren't red and she doesn't sneeze etc.

It sounds silly but I'm so tired. I'm normally out 7 plus hours a day just walking with her, but I can't do it anymore. I can't just keep walking and walking and we can't afford for me to go many places on the bus. We can't afford nursery.

I could cope if she was happy with short naps but her problem is definitely over tiredness.
I just want right enjoy her but I can't like this.

Timetogrowup2016 Mon 22-Aug-16 12:34:15

That's my hair haha. She's got darker hair.
She is gorgeous ( yes I'm biased ) but such hard work..

Diddlyanna Mon 22-Aug-16 12:34:36

My son was like this. I'm not even joking when I say he would whinge and cry for a minimum of 7 hours a day, I was exhausted. NOTHING would stop him, I took him to hospital, docs etc but they were so patronising and unhelpful. He wouldn't nap but would sleep all night, He grew out of it eventually when he was just over 1. It's the hardest thing ever and it's not easy, I have no advice at all I just muddled through and now he's an amazing happy 2 year old who only whinges and crys a tiny bit smile I will never have another baby after that haha! You need a break and a rest and snap the hand off anyone who asks to help/give you a break.

dietborebingo Mon 22-Aug-16 12:36:41

DS was a crappy short napper too (also sleeps terribly at night, hurrah lol) but just before he turned one, he changed to having 1 consistent lunchtime nap of an average of 1.5 hours. It's amazing.

It's longer than all his naps together used to be. It's consistent. He doesn't struggle against it.

I genuinely would never have guessed he would change to doing this. It seemed impossible. Hang on in there. It gets better!

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