I just feel lacking.

(10 Posts)
Rachie1986 Wed 03-Aug-16 17:03:47

Taking a bit of courage to write this, so I'm sorry if it's a bit incoherent..

I just feel rather lacking in the Mother department, if I'm honest. Dd is 2.5. I had fairly bad postnatal depression when she was younger, anti-depressants and (some very limited) counselling and I was a lot better. But I still can't shake this "not-good-enough" feeling. I always thought I'd be good at being a Mum, but I struggle to enjoy playing.. or keep at it for very long. We try to get out every day, even just to the library, but I still end up feeling bored and frustrated.. and guilty that I'm not enjoying it more. Is this just me?

We're on summer holiday now (I'm a part time teacher), so the situation is heightened as I'm not at work part of the time, and money is so very tight, so that doesn't help, but I just don't feel good enough. My husband looks after our daughter on his own fairly frequently due to shifts, and seems to get on well, looks forward to it.. whereas I just feel a bit "meh", if I'm honest.

Any advice?

Please don't be horrible to me!

Toocold Wed 03-Aug-16 17:09:11

Playing is boring to me, I'd rather read a book to a child! I also think 2.5 year olds are hard work, sort of in between toddlers and preschoolers, their brains are quicker than there physical ability and it's a receipe for disaster! It isn't you, I suspect you'll enjoy it more when your dd is older, I find older children easier, more conversation and less repetition, and you aren't having to watch them all of the time, having said that I'm madly doing it for a third time!

Toocold Wed 03-Aug-16 17:10:05

Their ability

Timetogrowup2016 Wed 03-Aug-16 17:15:22

Oh yes it's boring.
Dd is nearly 6 months and I fucking hate playing lol.
She screams for me the second I leave her for a few minutes though. No one else will do.
She never naps (40 minutes since 7am) and that was all.broken up...
It's killing my back lifting the lump around and playing with her.

Rachie1986 Wed 03-Aug-16 17:20:02

I feel for you, timetogrowup. I was no good at that age either! Actually, I do enjoy this age way more, but just not as much as I thought I would.

Thanks for responses. Makes me feel more sane!

ElspethFlashman Wed 03-Aug-16 17:22:35

Oh Christ the boredom. DH is the one that plays. I'm the one that encourages them to play by themselves under my genial supervision.

But tbh I figure that learning to play alone, with imagination is a massively useful skill. Not all kids have it. And I just potter about in the same room and occasionally they totter over to show me something which I praise effusively and everyone's happy.

CoodleMoodle Wed 03-Aug-16 17:30:41

I have a 2.5 year old as well. Playing is bloody boring! Luckily my DD is quite good at playing by herself but I feel guilty and try to play then feel guilty that I'm bored... etc! Boring when she was a baby as well but at least then there was less back chat and tantrums!

Going to the park/library/toddler group/farm/shops is fine, though, I love all that stuff. And reading/art/baking/going for walks/watching TV with her/chatting... That's more my style!

You aren't alone. Not by a long way. 2-3 year olds are lovely and hilarious but very hard work. But (for me at least!) it's going to get worse because it's the "let's pretend that you're the teacher and I'm the dog and Daddy's a mermaid..." stuff that I find really tedious. I used to be a nanny for a 5yr old and those were the words I dreaded!

Keep going OP.

Orsono Wed 03-Aug-16 17:36:28

I'd recommend looking at Janet Lansbury's blog Elevating Child Care (or she has a very active page on Facebook) for reassurance that you don't need to feel guilty about playing constantly. The opposite, in fact. She's very convincing on the importance of fostering independent play and leaving even very young children to their own devices. I did this naturally when DS was smaller, not due to good parenting but because I find playing with toddlers mind-numbingly boring. Now at 5 he will play happily and creatively for hours on his own with no input from me, so by luck I was doing something right!

Rachie1986 Thu 04-Aug-16 08:54:05

Thank you everyone. Will look at that blog :-)

DoreenLethal Thu 04-Aug-16 09:03:17

Learning to play is the best skill you can teach.

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