My four year old does not seem to like me...

[Mongui]

Hi. My DS is four and a half. He can be a really good boy when he wants, but he can also be hard work: throwing tantrums, answering back, shouting and being unreasonable. But I think this is pretty much normal behaviour for a boy of his age. However, in the last couple of months or so he is showing a new pattern of behaviour and I seem to be the target. To give you a flavour, he tells me that he prefers DH over me. That is fair enough and I can understand he may feel closer to his dad because he is a boy. But increasingly he doesn’t want me to get any involvement in his life. For instance, he makes a complete fuss if it is my turn to take him to nursery and tells me he wants DH to take him. It is the same if we organise an activity, he tells me that he prefers if DH takes him (say to the cinema, or a birthday party or the park). When I get home after my long day at work, he seems to be disappointed to see me and not DH instead. Every day I look forward to seeing him and often he completely ignores me, as if I was literally invisible. I have to ask him to give me a kiss and say “hello” which is pathetic and he does it with no enthusiasm at all. A couple of days ago he told DH that he was his favourite, that he didn’t like me and that he does not like any of the mothers in the classroom, except for one (the mother of one of his friends at nursery) because she is blond. I kid not! . I am brunette (oh well, back luck ) When I asked him why he said things like that he told me again that he just doesn’t like me in particular and mothers in general and that sometimes he finds me boring. He is just so unfriendly and cruel! If I tell him: “let’s do this together, isn’t it great?” and propose a plan, he simply tells me he is not interested and may even through one of his great tantrums in response. DH tells me that I have to rise above it and I keep telling myself I should not pay much attention to this. But actually, I find it so upsetting. I try to be as nice as I can with him and he used to be so close, loving and nice to me as well. I really don’t mind if he prefers DH over me. But I do mind he treats me in this way. I am worried he says things like “I don’t like mothers and I don’t like you”. HELP! By the way, there has not been any changes in our family at all or in his our our circumstances. I really cannot find a plausible explanation.

[Aranpoo]

This sounds so tough. I'd be really upset too. What's DH like? How does he treat/view females? Could something be rubbing off on your DS?

It must be soul destroying for you to keep trying and DS not responding. How about you take yourself away for a couple of days or even a few if you can? Give DS little warning, have a break for yourself... can you stay with a family member or friend? Get your DS to see just how valuable a mummy is when she's not there. He may treat you worse initially to punish you for leaving him, but I think somewhere along the line someone has taught him to under-value the role of a mother.