Controlled crying 10MO your thoughts please??

(30 Posts)
mumto1babyboy Wed 13-Jul-16 19:57:25

I've been told by my Health visitor to try controlled crying with my LO who is 10months old , he's never liked sleeping on his own bless his heart, but she feels he's old enough now to try the controlled crying method. Your thoughts and experiences would be soooooo appreciated right nowstar

splendide Wed 13-Jul-16 20:21:59

I wouldn't. Do you mind sleeping with him? It's not clear that you really have a problem except your HV saying you should.

CestLaVie93 Wed 13-Jul-16 20:26:42

We did it a couple of weeks ago at just under 10 months, it's very controversial on mumsnet so you might get a lot of people telling you not to and likening it to child abuse hmm but I felt I had no other choice. We both weren't getting enough sleep cosleeping & had pretty much no routine as he wouldn't sleep in his cot at all even for naps, so I was desperate to do something!

We started off putting him in his cot awake but tired for nap times & sitting in the room with him but quickly found that that kept him awake & he wouldn't settle. So then I decided to start leaving the room immediately, so big kiss and cuddle, "sleepy time now, love you" and lots of affection then I'd put him down and leave the room. The first night he cried for half an hour, but I left it 5 minutes, went back in and settled him (no picking up), then 10 minutes, went back in and settled him (no picking up), etc. He woke up at 1am and instead of bringing him in my bed I did the same thing - it's very tempting to bring them in or pick them up but you need to be consistent to not confuse them.

The second night it took about 15 minutes of crying and he slept right through 7-7 no wakeups (or he woke up, cried for less than a minute then settled back to sleep). The third night about 5 minutes, still sleeping through. This has been very successful for us and I put him down in his cot awake for both his morning and afternoon nap following the 234 nap routine (google it) and he no longer cries. Just snuggles his comforters and dummies and goes to sleep pretty quickly.

Tips:
• I put two comforters, three dummies and a teddy in his cot so he could a) always get a dummy and b) have something to cuddle (obviously doesn't apply if your baby doesn't have a dummy).
•We don't use dummy during the day, only for nap and bedtime so I keep them in his cot and don't leave the house with them (he will sleep in the pram/car seat without one)
•Implented the 234 nap routine and followed a bedtime routine - so bath, massage, bottle, brush teeth, bed

It can feel quite restricting at first so I'd stay in the house for a couple of days while you try it. Your baby might not take to it, but mine did as he used to settle off to sleep no problem but it was me that gave him bad sleeping habits. Obviously if your baby is very distressed or not taking to it then don't persist, they might not be ready.

Also, if baby is teething or poorly then do not try this. My baby got his first tooth over the weekend and was crying in pain, very distressed, so for two days we just had lots of snuggles and coslept (we both barely slept as he was quite bad with teething) but after two days, once his tooth popped out & his teething fever was down we went back to the routine and it still works a treat.

Sorry that is long! It's just so nice to have my evenings back and share a bedroom with my husband that I hope it can help somebody else. It's honestly like a light switch went off and he loves sleeping in his cot now and sleeps right through the night which is insane compared to what it used to be like!

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown Wed 13-Jul-16 20:30:16

10 months old is the most common time for seperate anxiety to begin. They become much more aware of who their "key" adults are, and can go from being malleable babies able to be handed over to anyone for a cuddle to becoming much more particular about who they want to be with.
If you don't feel it's right for your baby or you, then don't. HV may have read the books but she doesn't know YOUR baby.
Yes, we had DS in with us for a lot longer than 10 months but it suited us all and now he's a confident and sociable boy so no "rod for my own back" guff bothered me. I loved the baby snuggles!!

Gileswithachainsaw Wed 13-Jul-16 20:30:53

cc is great. I've used it twice.

sleep is important. fir both parebts ajd the baby.

but I'm. a bitch and I can't be doing with long winded softly softly approaches most the time blushgrin

sleep deprivation is used as torture fir a reason and ultimately it's best fir everyone if babies can sleep in their own in their own room and bed/cot.

unless of course you are one if those people who is happy to have a baby in their bed and take the hit on how long it takes to sleep through etc. which is obviously parental choice.

don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. and don't feel guilty for either choice.

Coconut0il Wed 13-Jul-16 23:14:28

I agree with the Giles. Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with.
I am one of those people who is happy to have baby in our bed but that is my choice. You know your baby so do what is best for you. But do it because you want to, not because the HV says to do it.

cornishglos Wed 13-Jul-16 23:19:27

My son used to wake any number of times every night until 11mo. Then he slept through every night and always has done. I am so glad I didn't put us both through cc.

justabigdisco Wed 13-Jul-16 23:34:40

I've also just done it with my 10 month old. You have to be fairly hard nosed about it - if you think that you might crack then it won't work! For us it went:
Night 1 - 55 mins of crying at bedtime, then 45 mins at 2.00 then early wake up (5.30)
Night 2 - 45 mins of crying at bedtime then 30 mins at 4 then early wake up (6)
Night 3 - slept through after about 20 mins of crying at bedtime. Has slept through since with a few days of early wake ups
We're now on about night 10.
Bloody marvellous
Oh and my baby is happy and smiley and still loves me, and I'm getting full nights of lovely sleep.

justabigdisco Wed 13-Jul-16 23:36:46

Agree with good bedtime routine. I was feeding to sleep so I moved bedtime BF earlier, and now feed her in bright light instead of dark room. After milk it's teeth and story. She knows the drill

0palfruit Wed 13-Jul-16 23:50:14

With my first child he was a perfect sleeper (sleeping 9- 6 at 6 weeks old!) until this age 10 months when he was suddenly waking up to 9 times in the night to put his dummy back in!! He only had it for bedtimes but wouldn't settle without it.

We decided.to.ditch the dummy and used controlled. Crying. The first night I did the 5 mins, go lie him back down leave back after 10 mins then back after 15 then he went to sleep. 2nd night 5 mins then 10 mins then he was asleep. 3rd night 5 mins then asleep. 4th night done.I kid you not!

However it was heart breaking that first and second night I sat downstairs silently crying myself listening to him.

My second child was a breast feeder and never had a dummy. He was fed on demand and was in my bed for a long time. Controlled crying did not work with him however I did not have the same support from the dad and I was exhausted. I think I tried but gave up quickly.

0palfruit Wed 13-Jul-16 23:52:39

My.second.child.is 7 and actually in my bed now! But my husband left 2 yeat ago so I. quite like having him there! X

DramaAlpaca Thu 14-Jul-16 00:04:27

Controlled crying works, but it is emotionally tough on you & you have to commit to it or it will be more difficult next time you try.

If you don't feel it's the right thing for your baby or for you, don't do it.

If you do, you have to tough it out. It'll take three or four nights.

I've done it, but my baby was about 18 months.

Trooperslane Thu 14-Jul-16 00:28:07

I just wouldn't, op.

I'm not judging and you asked for opinions but I think if your child is crying, vs shouting, then they need you.

Big hugs xxxx

LulusMiniEgg Fri 15-Jul-16 17:46:50

I was told to do something similar at 10 month by HV and was absolutely livid! By 14 months I was so exhausted from 1-2 hourly wake ups throughout the night, I got tough & tried CC, he was sleeping through within 2 nights! Wish I had tried it sooner. I'm now pregnant with no.2, I couldn't face another baby until now but will probably try it sooner with this one if its a similarly awful sleeper.
Good luck in whatever you decide x

Fullofnachos Fri 15-Jul-16 17:51:27

I have done variations of it on all 3 of mine, it's more than worth a tough few days versus an indefinite amount of time of no sleep.

Marmalade85 Fri 15-Jul-16 17:52:30

I did at 6m so he would settle himself to sleep. First night he cried maybe 10 minutes in total then it reduced the next night. No crying by third night. He still wakes in the night to feed though. Tried night weaning but gave up.

Dixiechick17 Sat 16-Jul-16 00:12:27

I did the pick up put down method and found it good. Revisited it last week and it has so far worked smile and

bugsey123 Sat 16-Jul-16 10:35:40

Give the baby whisperer book a try! Within days my lo was self settling and not screeming him self to sleep, it's amazing couldn't recommend enough xx

knittingbee Sat 16-Jul-16 10:41:44

Make sure this is your decision and not your HV's

attheendoftheday Sat 16-Jul-16 18:42:40

Both my dc were terrible sleepers. My hv suggested cc but I didn't want to do it, it didn't feel ok to me. I didn't and they slept through eventually. I'm glad I didn't do it now, but I remember how difficult sleep deprivation is.

pointythings Sat 16-Jul-16 22:00:01

I'd be trying gentler methods first. Pick up/put down worked really well for DD2 when she was 11 months. First night I picked her up about 45 times, second night it was 2 or 3, third night she slept through. Without any crying.

If the gentler methods don't work, fair enough, but I wouldn't have.

Cantplaywontplay Sat 16-Jul-16 22:22:37

Justabigdisco - was that 55 mins of crying in total, with you going in and out, or did you leave them to cry for 55 mins? shock

Choceeclair123 Sat 16-Jul-16 22:37:17

Personally I wouldn't and never did. Babies are so small and vulnerable they just want to feel safe and close to their mum. Perfectly natural.

justabigdisco Sun 17-Jul-16 08:57:48

55 mins in total. I went in after 5 mins, then 10 mins, then 15 mins. It wasn't hard crying the whole time.

ClariceBeanthatsme Sun 17-Jul-16 09:07:29

Absolutely not op I wouldn't do cc. If my babies cry I go to them.
I wouldn't want my baby to cry itself to sleep

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