Two under two - thoughts / experience?

(56 Posts)
NorthLondonMum83 Sat 09-Jul-16 05:56:43

Just that really. My DS Is 11 months old, just realised I'm pg again. First cycle trying after a long time breastfeeding, slightly in shock. Had MC and took then a wee while to conceive number one - so in a way we only started trying to quickly as I expected it to take forever. Absolutely delighted and always wanted an age gap as small as possible. Am however flipping terrified at prospect of the sickness and tiredness with an active toddler and a full time job (going back in 2 weeks!) - I know that there are plenty of mums on here with two under two...I think I'm just looking for some reassurance / advice since I can't tell anyone IRL yet!

DustOffYourHighestHopes Sat 09-Jul-16 06:39:07

It can be (temporarily) horrific, depending on the temperaments of your children as specifically how well they sleep.
Expect it to be hell, and you'll be pleasantly surprised by the lovely parts.
Lower all your standards, your standards of housework, parenting etc. The basic standard at the end of the day is 'all fed none dead'.
Delegate as much as you can(if you can afford a cleaner etc...).
Get a sling.

For me, the morning sickness with a bouncy toddler was the worst bit.

Daytona79 Sat 09-Jul-16 06:51:19

Not sure I'm 4 weeks away from giving birth and will have 2 under 2

I'm dreading it , but can let you know what it's like in a couple of month shock

1AngelicFruitCake Sat 09-Jul-16 06:56:26

I've got a 21 month gap and have found it much better than I thought! I'm still in the baby phase so just got on with nappies, have appropriate toys etc. Don't think my eldest will remember being without her sibling. It's full on and the worst times are when they're both crying or my eldest is demanding something but I'm feeding but any negatives are outweighed by the positives. Congratulations!

Duckyneedsaclean Sat 09-Jul-16 06:57:06

There was a lot of tv for the first couple of months. Mine were 17 months apart.

I got them in alternate napping cycles at first, so baby napped 9-10, toddler 10 - 12, then baby 12-2. So I only had one to focus on for a long period of the day.

Once baby was easier I moved toddlers nap to 12-2, and got a lovely 2 hours to myself.

They're 3.5 and 5 now, and best friends.

pinocchiosnose Sat 09-Jul-16 07:02:31

I completely agree with it depending on the temperaments of the children. Mine are 15 months apart , dd was jealous and ds was clingy and neither of them slept so the first year was ... challenging. However I've a couple of friends who've done the same and found it absolutely fine . Now mine are 3 and almost 2 and great little buddies. It's lovely and congratulations flowers

isthistoonosy Sat 09-Jul-16 07:04:26

Mine are 17 months apart, sadly dc1 stopped napping around 19months so we never got the joint nap. He was very independent though so that helped, we would have easy snacks out for him and he would help with the baby, shh ing to her, fetching her toys etc. She now does things for him and I don't think they remember a time without each other.

SweetPeaPods Sat 09-Jul-16 07:09:17

I have a 16m gap and honestly expected it to be a lot harder. Expect the worse and you will be pleasantly surprised.
I'm actually finding it harder now ds2 is nearly 2 than I did a newborn!!

Afreshstartplease Sat 09-Jul-16 07:15:37

I have a 16 month gap between eldest two DC (now 7+8)

DC2 was an awful baby so that was hard but DC1 was good as gold. I think the hardest point for me was them being 3+4/4+5

It wasn't horrendous any of it though TBH

NorthLondonMum83 Sun 10-Jul-16 05:21:26

Thanks all! Much appreciated. DC1 isn't much of a napper so I've ruled that out.

ConkersDontScareSpiders Sun 10-Jul-16 06:05:32

17 month gap between mine.both DD's also slept at the same time during the first 9 months or so-which helped massively. After that it was a bit of a hard slog until the youngest hit 6 I would say-now they are either best friends or knocking seven bells out of each other...but it is much easier I think than if they were further apart.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Sun 10-Jul-16 06:57:30

I had a 20 month gap, DD1 dropped her nap at 18 months.
I found it tough going. Neither of mine are sleepers which made it much worse. I really struggled BF-ing a newborn while entertaining a 20 month old. DD2 would only nap on my chest.
They're 2.8 and 1 (yesterday!) now and things are much, much easier. They still don't sleep (either of them) but they are starting to play together, DD2 has just started walking, they eat meals together etc. Hang on in there is my advice!

AnnaT45 Sun 10-Jul-16 07:07:02

Following with interest! Some good reassurance here! I'm due in 3 weeks and DD will be just 19 months. DD has been a horrendous sleeper and only now is slightly getting better.

I feel bad as I'm really dreading the first few months. My plan where possible is to try go out for a bit in the morning. Either to park or a toddler group, then be home for lunch and nap. Am I being too unrealistic?

elvislives2012 Sun 10-Jul-16 07:11:02

Mine are 21 months apart. It was tricky initially but not as hard as I thought. I found DD2 easier to feed than DD1 and I think that's because if she was awake she got boob as I couldn't spend hours rocking!
It is busy tho. Some days I go to bed and my feet ache from where I've not sat down all say.
That said they are 2&3 now and such lovely companions, I wouldn't have it any other way

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose Sun 10-Jul-16 07:12:57

I have a 23 month gap between mine. My youngest is 5 months old now and I've been pleasantly surprised.

I talk to my 2 year old all the time and get her involved when I'm busy with her brother. Things like asking if she thinks he's hungry. Oh you do? Shall I feed him? Look I'm feeding him! She's taken to 'breastfeeding' her teddy, so sweet.

She 'helps' when I'm changing him, bathing him etc too.

When he's asleep we have lovely 1:1 time, even if it's just snuggling on the sofa watching Room on the Broom for the bazillionth time.

Don't get me wrong, it's not easy. The times I find hardest are the mornings. Dh leaves for work really early so I'm on my own trying to get the 3 of us washed, dressed, fed etc.

It's not nearly as hard as I thought it would be though. I love how close in age they are and hope they'll grow up being great friends.

MyBreadIsEggy Sun 10-Jul-16 07:13:36

I'm watching with interest too! I'll have 16 months between Dd and DS when he arrives in November.
The only thing I'm clinging to is the fact that Dd is a good sleeper. She has decent naps and is a consistently good nighttime sleeper....I'm just completely terrified that her good sleep habits will go to pot once DS is born confused Did anyone else find that their elder DC's sleep got worse when the new baby came along??

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose Sun 10-Jul-16 07:15:15

Oh and get a sling. Ds wanted to be held all the time and would only nap in the sling for a long time. It meant that I could still do stuff with dd. With hindsight I wish I'd used it more when dd was tiny. So useful to have your hands back!

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose Sun 10-Jul-16 07:23:03

Dd has been a good sleeper since about 15 months and still naps most afternoons. We haven't had any trouble with sleep regression since ds arrived. We've just stuck really religiously to her bedtime routine and it's been fine.

We needed the nursery for ds's stuff even though he's still in with us and will be for a while. Because of this we moved dd into her new bedroom a couple of months before ds was born. We made a massive thing of the new bedroom. She loves it. She's in a full sized single bed too as we needed the cotbed ready for ds.

I think it was good to get her used to her new room before he was born, so she didn't feel that she'd been evicted from the baby room - more that she'd grown up and was ready for a big girl bedroom and big girl bed smile

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose Sun 10-Jul-16 07:24:42

She loves it so much that she sometimes mentions it to random members of the public. grin

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Sun 10-Jul-16 18:03:49

Anna we went out every single day, I would have gone insane otherwise.

NorthLondonMum83 Mon 11-Jul-16 08:41:59

Thanks so much for the advice! DS has just started an amazing nursery and I would like him to still spend a chunk of time there each week - aside from the financial implications of that does it sound realistic?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 11-Jul-16 09:03:53

Sounds amazing NorthLondon, DD1 wasn't in any form of childcare when I had DD2 and even now a year on I've never had a day just with DD2 on her own which has been hard.

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose Mon 11-Jul-16 20:13:47

I think nursery is a good idea. Dd goes to preschool 1.5 days per week. It's only 9-3 and 9-12, but it gives me 1:1 time with ds. Dd is very affectionate and gentle with him, but he's still noticeably noisier and more chatty on the days when she's not there.

She's been used to going to a childminder before I started this maternity leave, and I think she really benefits from time away from me where she gets to mix with lots of other children.

I didn't start her there until ds was a couple of months old though, as I worried about her feeling pushed out. I may have been worrying about nothing - she's incredibly confident - but I am a worrier and wanted to be sure she was used to ds first.

wobblywonderwoman Mon 11-Jul-16 20:20:22

14 month gap between my two. It is doable and I went back to work when my first was six months old and told them I was pregnant. It was fine.

I had two c sections in that time and that was tough. Dh took four weeks leave and we were OK.

FreeFromHarm Mon 11-Jul-16 20:32:43

18 months between my two ( both men now0, they were brilliant and I was left on my own, they were so close and loving to each other ( no so much now afraid to say) but I never had a problem.

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