any insights into 5 yo ds behaviour?

(2 Posts)
culturalwasteland Sat 09-Jul-16 00:09:04

Apologies in advance for long post as I couldn't explain it in anything shorter. My ds2 is five years old and is a healthy, happy enough little boy. He started school this year and is doing really well and enjoyed it hugely. At home his behaviour can be extremely challenging at times and has been since he was around 2.5. When things don't go his way his rages are biblical and he will roar and shout and say 'I hate you' to whoever has annoyed him, me or dh or ds1 who is 8. This is a regular enough occurrence most especially if he is tired (we work hard to try to prevent this). he is often apoplectic with rage and I try to work with him around this to get him to calm himself and to articulate his feelings etc. I suppose I must admit to finding it quite hard to deal with at the moment, it can feel very oppressive and I feel like I'm getting it wrong somehow. He is an extremely strong willed character and I know a lot of it comes down to this. It feels sometime that he can be quite hard to please as well, he can be critical of the house being small and say he wants a different house and garden (both small unfortunately but comfy and nice!). He digs his heels in at everything, clothes, mealtimes. it almost feels like a prolonged period of toddlerhood. I'm still not able to quite trust him with the road even. I must admit that the overriding feeling is that I'm failing to understand him somehow. My dh and I are not perfect parents by any stretch but have provided a loving and secure home for them and do our best to talk to them about their feelings and create a respectful atmosphere as much as possible. I do shout and give out sometimes but not frequently (I think?). Dh is grumpy sometimes but a loving, warm and fun Dad) Him and ds1 have a relatively average relationship for two boys with that age gap. They kill each other one minute and are wrapped around one another the next minute. Their violence to one another has gotten worse towards one another lately (We are trying to deal with this too) and it feel like their relationship is deteriorating which is possibly why I'm posting now. I think I need to revisit some parenting books perhaps. We do consequences in terms of limiting screen time etc (they only have it at weekends anyway). I am struggling a bit as its not just the anger that's bothering me. even when he's not angry he can be quite rough and what begins as a cuddle in bed can suddenly turn into him jumping on your head (I don't mind rough play at all but this is getting a bit much when he's a very big five year old) Obviously we talk to him about this and try to put boundaries in place but not sure its making a blind bit of difference. He is never like this this with anyone else, just us at home. he has plenty of friends, is well liked and when he's in good form he is sunny and full of chat and really affectionate. He is a lovely child in lots of ways but I am finding this hard to deal with and it can leave me feeling quite negative sometimes and there are aspects of his personality that I struggle with. There is also the guilty feelings that I have in relation to my ds1 with whom I have a far less fraught relationship and I know ds2 picks up on this of course. I do try to compensate and love bomb etc and he gets lots of support, play, encouragement and affection from us and I often have lovely mother son interaction with him. I work part time so am at home quite a bit with them. Like I said, not perfect but good enough I would have thought. Maybe it is good enough for one child but not for him? So I feel like I need something extra insights here to get some key to his personality? I'd love to hear from people who have had similar experiences with children of that age and what worked and didn't? I think sometimes its the frequent screaming and roaring that gets to me as its just SO loud. We are all a bit oppressed by it I think (not that we are a timid quiet bunch ourselves in the slightest), feels like we are living with a hurricane. It really is like having the wrath of God down on you when he gets upset. Any feedback welcome.

Wolfiefan Sat 09-Jul-16 00:23:27

Limiting screen time will not help if they only have it at the weekend. Consequences need to be immediate.
Also look at removing triggers. My two would often kick off whilst I was cooking dinner so one came in with me whilst I cooked. We would chat and they could "help". Kids separate. No WW3!

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