When is a good time to TTC no 2?

(10 Posts)
HariboFrenzy Tue 05-Jul-16 19:27:06

I know this has been asked before but really interested in opinions.

We currently have 1 ds, 13 months. I know we definitely want another but keep going round in circles as to when would be best.

DS has milk and egg allergies. In addition to a worrying first few months when he was failing to thrive this also means he doesn't sleep. Even now. In the last couple of weeks he has slept through a couple of times and it has made life feel amazing!

On the one hand I think well, we're not sleeping anyway so might as well go ahead and have another. But then the thought that sleepless nights might continue for years fills me with horror.

I worry how I would cope looking after a 2 year old and a newborn. But then I think a close age gap would be nicer for the siblings growing up.

I think it would be better for my career to have another fairly soon, so as to get the maternity leaves over and then get back to it. But then childcare would be a factor - atm family look after ds but could not hope expect them to look after two. So then I think it would be better to wait until ds gets his free childcare hours. But I am 33 so what if it takes a while to conceive? On the other hand ds was a honeymoon baby so don't want to try too soon!

What to do??

WasDat Tue 05-Jul-16 19:28:51

No advice but watching with interest as we have a 14 month old and having the same discussions.

Dairybanrion Tue 05-Jul-16 19:30:50

Mine were 14 months. I wasn't sleeping anyway. Had all baby stuff.
Now my youngest is 5 I can't imagine starting again but then when no 1 was so young it was waaaay easier.
Gap of 16 months between and my sibling. We always played and dos everything together.

ParisGellar Tue 05-Jul-16 20:22:45

My DS is 13m too and we've been wondering the same.

uhoh2016 Wed 06-Jul-16 04:25:42

I fell pregnant as dc1 turned 2. I'd say it was hard at 1st but you get through it and now they are really close its lovely to see when they aren't trying to kill each other

skankingpiglet Wed 06-Jul-16 15:41:35

What's right is going to be different for everyone depending on finances, career, etc. There is no 'right' answer, which is what makes it so difficult.

Personally I want to be mostly at home with them pre-school age, and didn't want to take a massive break in career progression. DH is no spring chicken and he felt he didn't want to leave it too long and end up "the oldest dad in the egg and spoon race" come school sports day. We are fortunate enough to be able to afford to have them close together (although we'll have 5 months next year before DC1's 15 free hours childcare kicks in which will be painful), and wanted a small age gap in the hope they'll be close. As a result we have a 2.1yo and a 2wo. We know the downside is going to be a hard slog in the short term, but (hopefully!) things will get easier from there. The thought of getting through all the years of nappies and no sleep only to return to it again just as the first goes to school is my idea of hell, we're definitely in the 'in for a penny...' group!

If you feel like you'll cope now then go for it, although as you said, it can happen very quickly! DC2 was the result of 6 weeks 'trying', but only DTD 3 times... The Happy Accident that is DC1 should have given us fair warning it may happen straight away, but it still surprised us.

TodayCrosbyToday Wed 06-Jul-16 16:11:27

We started ttc DD2 when DD1 was 14 months. Having taken several years and medical intervention to conceive DD1 we thought we should 'stop preventing' and see what happened- assumed we would end up with a 3 -4 year age gap . . . DD2 was conceived the very first month! As a result there is a just under 2 year age gap but I wouldn't have it any other way! Some days are more of a struggle than others and the sleep deprivation is horrific. However, they absolutely adore each other and I can definitely see the light at the end of the baby/toddler tunnel! For us, having our children close together definitely worked- we always knew there would be a few years in 'the eye of the storm' with two toddlers but rather that than having to start all over again once we were used to sleeping at night! The problem is you will never know whether a smaller or larger age gap is best between DC1 and DC2 because you can't do both!

HariboFrenzy Wed 06-Jul-16 20:03:58

Those of you with small age gaps - was your first dc sleeping when dc2 arrived?

TodayCrosbyToday Wed 06-Jul-16 20:43:23

Reasonably well through the night but has always been an early bird so the first couple of months with DD2 were hard. . . night feeds with DD2 then up for the day at 5am with DD1! She now sleeps until about 6am but unfortunately DD2 appears to have read the same rule book as her sister . . 5.10am on the dot every morning! (Apart from a hellish month or so where she decided a 4am start was even better . . . confused). They do both sleep through the night pretty much now though so I can cope with early starts as long as I have plenty of brew

skankingpiglet Wed 06-Jul-16 21:06:33

DD1 sleeps through half the time, and will have one or two waking the other nights, she was consistently waking a couple of times a night when DD2 was conceived however. She is currently up for the day 5.30-6am sad DH now deals with all her waking as I'm dealing with newborn DD2, which tbh has not been the most positive thing. Whereas previously when she woke I'd pop in, quickly solve any issue, then remind her it's still sleepy time and go and she'd go back off, DH is much softer and she knows how to work him. He'll often go in for something as simple as a dummy retrieval and end up spending an hour in there bargaining with her to go back to sleep... I wouldn't care but I can hear and it keeps me up angry

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