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(9 Posts)
Bedsheets4knickers Thu 30-Jun-16 21:40:50

DS is 5.. He's 50/50 well behaved . When he's good he's charming and gorgeous when he's not he's beyond reachable .. We normally punish by removing what he enjoys most , iPad and treats .. He's had a terrible day at school been really obnoxious,. He's then returned home and Carried on . He has a bday party this weekend . I really feel like not letting him go ..
Do you think this is to harsh ?? I'm running out of things to try .. He's strong willed and gets people to the point of really having to shout at him before he stops what he's doing .. We've tried so many things ..
I'm his mum . I find it difficult to stay mad . He has me wrapped around his little finger . Even writing this I feel like I'm letting him down . Maybe he needs something to shock him , I,e not going to the party he's been looking forward to .??

Florentina27 Thu 30-Jun-16 23:31:44

Hi, I just read an article about punishing kids, haven't practiced yet as my dd is still a baby. Giving a non related punish to their behavior makes them behave even worse and eventually it will become a struggle for power. Your punishment has to make sense. Like he doesn't want to share something you take that something away from him. Not when he is throws things around and you forbid him to go to a bday party next week. It has to make sense your punishment otherwise they will get confused and just think you are just being mean because you cab be the boss. I know 1 relative of mine was punishing her kids like that and their behavior was getting worse around her. Not sure if it works but if makes aens to me and I think it was quite an interesting article, to shame I can't share it with you as it was just shared on Facebook and it was in Romanian. Worth trying I think. Hope it helps

NewStartNewName Thu 30-Jun-16 23:35:52

I would stop him going to the party and have done it myself previously probably more than once! You have to mean business though - no empty threats, if you tell him he's not going then he doesn't go. Ring the parent of the party and explain why he won't be going.

MrsJayy Thu 30-Jun-16 23:40:12

I think the party is to far away to punish him with it if it was tomorrow then fine but the weekend he is only 5 he wont know what he is being punished for because he wont remember how obnoxious he was if you are going to not let him go you need to stick to it though you cant dither

sixinabed Thu 30-Jun-16 23:46:36

In my bitter experience (mother of 8 yo and nearly 5yo twins) delayed punishment - especially if not a natural consequence, is ineffective and just promotes bad feeling and as pp said - worse behaviour through power struggles. I went through very similar with ds1, especially the winding people up to the point of shouting. I know it's really tough but I think you have to not shout and find other ways of dealing with behaviour. Do you do time out? Or time in bedroom? Or time in (like time out but you stay with them).

Do you think the behaviour is attention seeking? If so then there is a reason for that, and ime it is far more effective treating the cause, rather than concentrating on the symptoms. Praising good behaviour, and ignoring bad (as far as possible and safe) really does work, albeit not immediately.
Also special time, 10 mins a day just doing what the child wants (as long as safe and free) is super effective.

I have a wonderful book called 'playful parenting' which sounds ridiculous from the title but it's really not.

Daisyandbabies Sat 02-Jul-16 07:16:05

I think taking away the party will result in worse behaviour; he will resent you for it and probably spend the weekend playing up for you.
What I find works is taking a step back and looking as an outsider would to see what's led up to that bad behaviour. I can usually then pin point why my 4 year old is acting badly. With mine, it's usually either wrong foods/not feeling well/too much time at home/tired/too much iPad time/boredom. Sometimes it's just for attention and I realise that I haven't actually played with him or given him a sold chunk of my time for a while

Daisyandbabies Sat 02-Jul-16 07:16:43

Solid ^

babyblabber Sat 02-Jul-16 17:54:34

Google positive parenting. Seems crazy but it works

Bedsheets4knickers Sat 02-Jul-16 19:40:37

Thanks all . I am reading these through x

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