Daughter cries when I go to work

(5 Posts)
fluffymummykins Wed 29-Jun-16 21:43:09

My almost 3 year old cries when I go to work. She holds my hand and says she wants me to stay with her and my 1 year old. She points to the nappy box (with a Mum holding a baby) and says she wants us to do that. She says she will phone my boss and tell him he's naughty and mummy isn't going to work. When I leave she is clingy and she cries and holds out her arms as I wave goodbye. It breaks my heart to drive/walk away. At first it was kinda cute, but now it really upsets me. She's too young to understand that as the breadwinner I HAVE to go. I feel guilty but does anyone have any advice on how to deal with it?

DelphiniumBlue Wed 29-Jun-16 21:52:25

No advice, but I feel your pain.
My youngest son cried every morning when I went to work, until the age of 6! It was horrible, I'd start every day feeling stressed and upset. Nothing made any difference, didn't matter who he was with ( nursery, school, childminder, even Dad or Grandma) or how or where the handover was done.
He did eventually grow out of it, but it took a long time, and I worked Mon-Fri from when he was 4 months old, so he should have got used to it much sooner.
Don't feel guilty though, it doesn't sound like you have much of a choice, if you have to work there's not much you can do about it. I do sympathise.

Kiwiinkits Thu 30-Jun-16 08:50:24

I had a bought of this from my four year old (just for a few days though) when I went back to work. The advice I recieved was to tell her that I was really, really looking forward to my 'mummy day' with her on Friday. And that I was hoping that we'd play with the My Little Ponies. She really took that on board as it gave her a tangible day to look forward to, and reassured her that I loved spending time with her.

Suzietwo Thu 30-Jun-16 08:56:35

I'm a tough old bag and ignore any crap like this. It might pull at your heart strings but you need to get out the door without fuss and a huge smile on your face which says 'I'm doing this because I want to'. A quick kiss, see you later and go. Weep in the car/tube if you need to but sharing any distress you feel about it won't help. And if/when the concept of work is raised at other times it's never a chore and it's something I enjoy doing. I feel any other approach builds the wrong understanding of work for the kids.
But
Like I say
I'm
A tough old cow

smileyhappypeople Thu 30-Jun-16 09:53:23

I work in childcare and I've seen this lots of times.... She's only 3 but she probably knows exactly how to play you! I have had many a child who has cried and hugged and begged mum not to go to work making mum late or cry all the way to work and literally a minute after mum has gone they have been absolutely fine!
Can you ask whoever is caring for the children to send you a photo as soon as they are happy so you know they are fine.
I think the easiest way to deal with this (this is my professional side not my mum side that says quit your job and run away to an island and cuddle all day! Haha) is to keep it short and sweet, do not give in or show your weakness! The more cuddles and sorrys and I don't want to I have tos you say the more she will know she's breaking you down slowly. Just stick to kiss, cuddle, have a lovely day, I'll be home soon bye bye.
It's sounds harsh but it honestly works
Obviously if she is not settling all day and is asking for you etc then you need to go down the reassurance route... Giving her a breakdown of routine can help.. So she has things to tick off until your home...
For eg 1st you play with carer, then you have lunch, then you do xxx, then you have tea and then mummy comes home.
Even if she is the second child though I still think short and sweet goodbyes are the best.
Hth?

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