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how to manage not to effect them?

4 replies

lora1 · 21/01/2007 12:20

In our lives we face many things, which can cause anger, rage, sadness, etc. to us.
how do you manage such feelings not to effect your behaviours to yr children?
for example are you able to be tolerant like other times to them when you feeling lots of anger in your mind for something else.
i would like to manage that, i can see my feelings really effect my behaviours to my ds and that's not good.
advices will be really appreciated, thanks.

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Fillyjonk · 21/01/2007 12:24

generally I think kids need to see a range of emotions. They need to see that we fly off the handle, that we are not perfect, and that we sometimes need to work on ourselves.

Having said that, they should not be our emotional or other punch bags. I dunno, some distance from the situation, maybe Parentline (? have I got that right?)

It sounds like you are going through a tough time. I need to go but I hope someone else will post more. If not, try posting with a more specific question?

take care

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lora1 · 21/01/2007 12:51

bump

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goblinqueen · 21/01/2007 13:00

I agree with Fillyjonk, they need to see it and to see these range of emtions to see that they are normal and can be dealt with.

If I have been short tempered with my DS then I will explain to him that I am short-tempered because of xyandz... something age appropriate like "grown up things" and therefore I get angrier easier than usual and it's not his fault, but it would help if he didn't decide to start throwing things etc. Also lying is good, I've been in tears a few times this week due to stuff and I've told him it's because I've hurt myself and he kisses it better, so it's easy for him to handle.

I think as long as there are reasons for things and they understand that then it helps as I am sure adults can seem amazingly irrational to children.

Though I'm not always 100% in control I do remind myself that it never helps to let this bleed over too much into DS as it makes me feel so bad, for instance if I'm more short-tempered his behaviour gets worse and it's a vicious circle, or if I'm upset he worries about me being happy. Which helps.