ds2(age 3.5) seems confused about the baby in mummy's tummy!any advice?

[divastrop]

hi.i am expecting my 5th child at the beginning of march.i already have ds1-age 9,dd1-age 8,ds2-age 3.5,and dd2 age 13 months.
when i was expecting dd2,ds2 just accepted there was a baby in my tummy and then she came out and became his baby sister.now he's older,he seems confused about everybody's place in the family.he's not concerned with how the baby got there,but he keeps saying 'you're my mummy' and things like '(dp)baby's daddy'.

he hasnt seen his biological father since he was 4 months old,but he's still to young for me to explain what happened.dp sees him as his own son and we have seen a solicitor about dp adopting him.

i realise its a confusing situation for a little boy who's just starting to understand about families etc,does anybody know of any books/websites/organisations where i can get advice on how to explain things to him in an age appropriate way?!

[TooTicky]

You may just have to explain it lots of times. What a wonderful family! (And I thought I was brave having 4!)

[ticklemepink]

my ds and my step sister both have had similar situations in regards of absent father with new dp acepting as new dad role...from both sidesthey are both happy, informed and content now knowing and having contact with absent father at their request. my view is that as far as 'telling him' about the situation, it is probably better to let him ask stuff and you answer what he asks...this may sound obvious but what i mean is to only tell him what he wants to know ...he will soon ask if he wants more info than you gave him at that time...this allows him to be less confused about the situation...as far as baby is concerned...what about books from the library...they have lots of good stuff these days purtaining to our lifestyles and complicated family setups! another suggestion is to try to tell him you are 'growing' him a new sister/brother....maybe relating this to flowers growing might help him to see this wonderful event from a different angle..what ever your choice, good luck!

[KTeePee]

Tbh I don't think it's to do with your dp not being his biological dad - it's more that he is being possesive of you and is worried (maybe subconsciously) that the baby will take your attention away from him. When I was pregnant with ds2, ds1 would regularly say "DS1's mummy, DD's daddy" - when I said "What about the baby" he would get all grumpy! He and Ds2 (now nearly 3) now regularly have arguments like "She's MY mummy, no she's MY mummy", etc, etc!

[divastrop]

thanks for you replies

i think what worries me is his language is quite limited for his age(he's got an appointment with the speech therapist next week)and he can understand alot more than he can manage to put into words.
dd1 was only just 4 when i told her i was expecting ds2,and she wanted to know exactly how the baby had got there in the first place,how it was going to get out etc etc!but she's always been very articulate.i can see ds2 wants to ask questions but hes struggling to make himself understood.

i will go to the library and see if there are any suitable books i can read him.

[Megglevache]

Message withdrawn

[divastrop]

thanks-i have reserved the book at the library(no point buying something i'm only going to need for a couple of weeks).

dd1 wanted to call ds2 'finn stiff' or 'sweet star'.luckily her taste had improved somewhat when i was expecting dd2 and she got to chose the 2nd name.

[divastrop]

i'm due march 14th officially,but getting induced on 7th(sofar)due to previous probs with high bp etc.

i've noticed now that ds2 is saying 'my mummy,dd2's daddy' as though he's trying to work out who the baby will belong to.i'm sure he must think his big brother and sister are just lodgers.

[ticklemepink]

good luck with that then will keep an eye out for how you get on