Tempted by DC2

[Needmorewine]

Not sure what has happened to me after being adamant for the past 3.5 years there would be no DC2 and thinking of all the pros of having one child I am now thinking wistfully how nice it might be to have another baby, watch another toddler grow up and generally add another little person to our family. I also think DD would love a sibling.

DH is open to the idea but would like to wait about 18 months before we start trying so DD could easily be nearly 6 or older by the time a second came along. Would that even work ? I am 27 now so we do have time on our side. I've also retrained since having DD and would hopefully have a job by the time DC2 came along and ideally would go back to that full time / part time afte maternity. I'm hoping this might alleviate some of what I found so hard about having DD - I don't think I'm particularly great at the whole SAHM thing ?

As DD would be older I guess they wouldn't play together as much but
potentially could still have a strong bond? I don't even know why I'm thinking like this now - I had an awful birth, didn't cope at all well with baby stage and even now find being a SAHM to three year old trying. But it's like something in me knows that despite all of this another child would be lovely. I like the idea of having two older children in the future ?

Anyone been in a similar muddle ? What did you do?

Sorry for the ramble. I'm a bit surprised I feel like this to be honest we were so set on sticking at one.

[nonladyofleisure]

I had my eldest very young and then decided I wanted another and have a near on 7 year age gap.. It has its issues but I quote like it it's like having 2 only children in a way... Eg tonight my youngest is with his dad so we've had pizza and are watching a film.... Another weekend the eldest will bugger off out with his mates as he's too cool for school and doesn't want to do trips to the zoo etc so I have little one time xx

[lovelyredwine]

I also had a traumatic birth, hated the first 6 months and wasn't too keen on the second six months either to be completely honest! I'm not a baby person and much preferred the toddler stage, although dd1 is stubborn and strong willed so it was hard work. DH and I were adamant there would be no more, but like you we started to wonder about 1 more when dd1 was 3 ish.

We decided to let nature take its course for a year (took 2 years of serious effort to get pregnant first time!) and if I wasn't pregnant after 1 year then we would stick with one child. We went on to have dd2 when dd1 was 4.9; dd2 is now 9 months old. It took 2 minutes of effort for dd2!

Honestly - life is more difficult now, but nowhere near twice as difficult as dd1 started school just before dd2 arrived so i only had one child to care for most of the day. DD1 is also much more self sufficient; she can dress herself, put shoes on, entertain herself a bit and tries to look out for her baby sister (i.e. stops her eating shoes and playing with the bin if I nip to the loo!). DD1 loves having a little sister and dd2 absolutely and completely adores her big sis; it's lovely to watch her laughing at everything she does. It is also massively helpful that dd2 is an absolute joy; she is so happy and chilled out most of the time.

I do, however, miss my sleep and am getting fed up of being disturbed most nights to feed dd2, for teething etc, but I also know this will end and that we've probably broken the back of the sleep disturbances. DD1 does get jealous of the attention that her little sis gets sometimes and has been a bit stand offish with me recently as I am still breastfeeding so can't just go off with dd1 for the day like I used to do. Daddy is currently the favourite! I will stop breastfeeding in the next few months so hope she spreads the love out again when this happens. Basically it's not all fantastic family times, but I do not for one second regret having dd2.

[CPtart]

Crack on. I never had the urge to have a second child but did so because I didn't want DC1 to be an only, and it was the single best decision we've ever made. There is only 2.5 years between them though, so days out, holidays etc have been great as it's easy to do activities that suit both. I don't know how I'd have felt starting again with a seven year gap. That seems like doing it the hard way.
FWIW, DC2 was far far easier than DC1. Watching the relationship grow and develop between siblings has been by far the best part of parenting.

[Needmorewine]

Thank you everyone for your comments really helpful, appreciate the honesty !!

The way in feeling at the moment I would almost be tempted to start trying straight away but DH is fairly adamant and I don't feel given its me who's suddenly done a U turn it's fair to put that pressure on him (he's currently the sole earner while I'm retraining and I know he finds it stressful). I need to get back to work first & save a bit really.. But yes I am worried that we will struggle going back to baby stage after so long but I am so hoping wth the right strategies / support in place I might be able to enjoy it more this time ?!

[SecretlycrushingonTomHanks]

I was just like you!
I spoke to a midwife about my previous birth and made peace with it firstly then had a few conversations with DH about money and other things. After that we decided to go for it! It took us 9 months to fall pregnant (I was only 27 at the time) and now we have two lovely daughters aged 5 and 9 months. There's 4 1/2 years between them and watching them together is beautiful. I can honestly say that I'm glad we just did it and didn't wait any longer. I love their age gap as DD1 is old enough to understand that DD2 needs things and she sometimes needs to be patient and also that she needs to be gentle. It's made everything a lot easier. Plus my birth was far better this time .

[Givemeabone]

Lol, I was thinking the exact same thing as you 3yrs ago, when ds was 3.5yrs old.
Now we have a 6.5yr old & a 2.5yr old.
The age gap is brilliant! I have one on one time with dd, like I did with ds.
They also play really well. They do wind eachother up, but it's easier to handle due to ds being older.

The thing I've found the hardest is being a sahm for 7yrs. It's a looooong time to be at home, and only have 1 income. If we'd had them closer together then we'd be financially better off sooner. But hey ho the baby/toddler years go so quickly, before you know it they're in school!

[Ifiwasabadger]

I'm an only so maybe biased...have a husband with a brother and sister and they hate one another...yes they may get on great when tiny..they are children.

Do it because you want another child, not because you want to give them a sibling. It's no guarantee.

[Needmorewine]

I'd say it's about 50/50 at the moment... Half is me wanting another baby because I feel like I want to get it right this time and am willing to put up with baby stage as I know it does go quickly..whereas honestly half is because I want DD to have a sibling which again is illogical as my relationship with mine fluctuates all the time and DH's sister has done nothing but cause problems !

I feel cross with myself now as well for not just "getting it over with" and having two close together.