How do I get my kids to keep bedrooms tidy and respect their things HELP

[Bananaknickers]

I have just come down from my childrens bedrooms and as usual I am pissed off. I am feed up with cleaning them. They leave dvds out of cases and leave them on the floor. I have a washing load from ds2 bedroom floor ( basket outside his bedroom door). I laydown rules which are broken. I will take toys away ( they will just play with others). I pay them 10p per juob around the house so they have to earn there pocket money. I can't think of anything else now. I don't want to keep nagging them. I want them to enjoy having friends over e.ct but I won't have them over unless the bedrooms are tidy. So they never come over. When they are in there tidying up I have to be on their backs constantly.I have been in there and tidyed with them so they know what to do. Last weekend ds1 spent one whole day in his bedroom crying on and off because he wasn't alowed out until he has done it. How do you do it. I even hate going in their rooms to put washing away

[mytwopenceworth]

how about anything on the floor / stuffed somewhere in an unacceptably messy way at the end of the day gets put in a bin liner and taken to the bin?

or you could have the 'its your room, your job i do nothing' attitude. no tidying, no fetching clothes out for washing etc. let them stew in their own filth.

or start off with pocket money written down on a board at the beginning of the week. deductions are made for broken rules (at preset vaule, eg messy bedroom at inspection time = lose 50p) and the amount left (if anything) on a friday is all they get.

[Bananaknickers]

I have tried the your room thing , but it gets me down. bin bag I have threatened. I don't want my kids being slob adults i.y.k.w.i.m

[bran]

Have you taught them how to tidy? My mum just sort of kept things tidyish around the house but she used to get really frustrated with the state of my room. She never taught me how to tidy, I think because she was naturally fairly tidy and hadn't had to 'learn' to be that way. I didn't even know where to start when I was sent to my room to tidy and used to get swamped. If she had said, first you put dirty clothes in the basket, then you put clean clothes away, then you take everything that shouldn't be in your room back to where it should be (eg dishwasher), then I would have known where to start.

I'm still pretty rubbish at tidying as an adult, but at least I know enough now to focus on the bits that make a difference (like clearing the floor) rather than wasting time on the bits that don't matter so much.

[titchy]

I make mine do it for pocket money. They have to tidy up on 2 specific days per week, irrespective of whether their rooms are messy or not, and each get £1 on both days. Taking washing to the washing basket is ds' special job - he gets a further £1 a week for doing this (dds special job is loading the dishwasher after breakfast).

I personally don;t care if it takes them all day to tidy (more peace and quiet for me ), but if they look like they might take forever I up the anti and say if they get it finsihed within half an hour they get £2, if between half and one hour they get £1.50, otherwise it's the basic £1.

They've been doing this routine for a couple of years now and it more or less works (they are 8 and 6) - probably took a year of persistence though.

Star charts might help -not as reward, but to remind them what needs doing and when.

[Bozza]

Gosh titchy you are forking out a lot of cash. DS is nearly 6 and gets £1 on a Saturday morning. He has to tidy up his room, but I also make him tidy up between times. I think DS actually knows how to do it. He knows where things go, although I do have to go in at the end and go through all the things he has missed.

BK how old are your children?

[kittypants]

Bananaknickers how old are your lo's?my eldest 2 are 6 and 5.they get 50 pence at end of each day for tidying their bedroom ,playroom and any toys that are in front room on floor of theirs.this usually works but their is a 'if your toys are put away properly and looked after they'll end up in bin'from me as i got fed up with toys being broken just because they were left on floor and trood on.nasty mummy.works though.and ive not had to throw anything away just occasionally reach for black bag then there toys magically get put away.

[Bananaknickers]

My children are 10 and nine and dd is 4. She seems to be tidy. Both sons have dyslexia and I know it is difficult for them to organise and remember. I have been in there and done it with them too. Perhaps not explained though

[yorkshirelass79]

Message withdrawn

[Bozza]

Maybe split it into smaller tasks BK? A checklist for them to run through:

Put clean clothes away
Put dirty clothes in basket
Take dirty pots to kitchen
Put books back on shelves
Put DVDs back in cases and then away
etc

That sort of thing. Then you can go in part way through and see how far they have got?

[kittypants]

agree with bozza,check list sounds fab!maybe you could give a star for each one completed?

[kittypants]

or do 10 and 9 y /o not do stars!

[Bananaknickers]

well we have a point system.They get points on the chart for doing jobs around the house.Each point is 10p. put I can't get my head around this bedroom thing. The list sounds good though. Maybe dive them a list that they can tick off when they have done each job.

[IlanaK]

I think it has to be about more than bribing them to do it. My view is that there are cetain jobs that need doing to keep this household running well. As part of the family, everyone has to do some. My oldest son is nearing 6. We have always taken the approach that if he doesn't tidy his room when asked (generally at the end of each day), then either me or my husband would have to do it which would mean less time for us to spend with him. For my ds, story time at the end of the day, or game playing in the middle of the day, is something he really values doing with us. So, if he does not tidy up, we have to do it and don't have time to do those things with him. This is pretty effectove with him.

With my younger son (2.5), he will tidy up very quickly if it precedes something he wants to do. LIke, we can't do xyz until we have space on the floor, table etc. Quick, put these away and then we can play.

I am a tidy person by nature so insist on it with my children. I think because they see me keeping things tidy, it has become part of what we all do. I also make sure they have a place for everything. If they know where something goes, they are much more likely to put it away.

[JackieNo]

I tried my 7 year old DD on the Flylady student control journal (and by 'student' I think it's just aimed at people who are school age and upwards). It worked for a while, and then she let it lapse, but has started doing it again. Using the timer and doing it against the clock really seems to work. I personalised the routines for her, as obviously not everything was relevant, and there were other things she needed to do.

[Bananaknickers]

jackieno that is great. That could really help them to be more organised

[JackieNo]

It is a bit American, but you just adapt it to suit your lives and your DCs. Hope it works for you.

[JackieNo]

(and if you don't have any folders at home, it's an excuse to go out and buy lovely new stationery - good if you let them choose the folder)