Clingy Baby(10 Posts)
So, I'm after a bit of reassurance / help / advice please?!
I'm an army wife, I live away from my family and my husband is away A LOT. My DD is 18 weeks and my husband has been away for 11 of those weeks, so it's literally just me and her.
When we go to visit my mum, and if my DD is upset she won't settle with anyone but me. My mum has told me about 20 times that I've spoilt her, and she has become "mummyfied". I've politely told her several times that it's only natural because it is just me and her, but it doesn't stop my mum from saying it over and over again.
So I guess my question is, have I made a rod for my own back with fact she only wants to be held by me?!
And also can I tell my mum to politely
eff off stop saying what she has been saying?!
Your Dd knows only you at the moment and feels comfortable around you
Everyone else is a potential threat in her eyes
Ignore your dm. She's perfectly fine and not spoilt
Explain to your mum about secure attachment; the bond that a baby forms with one person which ensures development of stronger self-esteem and better self-reliance as they grow older. These children also tend to be more independent, perform better in school, have successful social relationships, and experience less depression and anxiety. From six weeks of age to seven months, infants begin to show preferences for their primary caregivers. During this phase, infants begin to develop a feeling of trust that the caregiver will respond to their needs. While they will still accept care from other people, they become much better at distinguishing between familiar and unfamiliar people as they approach seven months of age. They also respond more positively to the primary caregiver. You are not spoiling her.
My health visitor said it's impossible to spoil a baby, they just don't understand what it is to be spoilt and are still so tiny. My DD was clingy to me right up until I stopped breastfeeding at 8 months, and still is very clingy to me when poorly or teething, she however settles better for others now, I don't think that's due to stopping breastfeeding, I think she's just got to the stage where she is a little more accepting of other people like my parents or DH. I was told from the beginning that I was making a rod for my own back, my DD is one tomorrow and I so far have no regrets
She's not spoilt and mummyfied is a completely revolting term that means nothing. She's attached to you as her primary caregiver and only safe base in a scary world. It's completely normal and do not let a jealous woman make you doubt yourself.
Just to add that I kind of snapped in the end and got upset,I told them that they were making me feel like I was doing a bad job as a Mum,I asked how they would feel if their style of parenting came into question. They apologised and to their credit have been great since.
My son is 18 weeks and only just getting used to his dad who he sees everyday. I do most things for him, hubby will spend time with him during the evening after work.
My mum said she'd put me down and I'd cry but apparently got used to it. My cousin did the same with her sons. I don't want to leave him crying, I feel I'd rather he felt secure in my arms than ever afraid. My mum had a go at me too, but I just won't be persuaded otherwise. Same with giving him water; she doesn't understand why I don't want to just yet. My mum and MIL understand that babies are always going to want their primary carer, but difference is my mum reckons I need to do something about it now. Like you OP, I'm trying to figure out what to say the next time
Im the exact same with the water thing! My mum KEEPS saying it every time I see her and looks at me as if I'm crazy. I keep saying things have changed since I was a baby. She's even started touching her head and if her fontanelle is a tiny bit dipped, she says it's because she's thirsty and I'm depriving her! Lol. I've got to shrug it off otherwise I'll snap!!! Next thing I know is hat she will tell me to leave the baby in the garden to "air her out!" 😂 X
Haha! You're sure we're not secret sisters? . Luckily DS won't stay in her hands long enough for probing, I'm sure that's next on her to do list! I'm an expert at grinning and baring, she'll soon get the message. Enjoy your DD and don't let anyone undermine you
Just to add to what everyone else has said, little babies need mum. Dad is OK after a while but they really need mum to start. From about a year onwards (maybe a little younger) they start to be interested in other close family and carers but until they seem ready and you feel comfortable just keep clinging on to your baby. They are only tiny for such a short time.
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