So a little back story- My ex partner and I were together for almost 4 years and have a 2 year old together. In October he moved off the island we live on to a new city for a job and came home each weekend. This was only a temporary thing as we were saving to buy a house. We finally saved up enough and 4 days before we were due to sign contracts he turned around and said I don't love you any more that's us done. He already had a job lined up on the island as his biggest complaint was that he didn't get to spend enough time with us, and that he is only staying on a friends sofa over there and isn't really keen on the job.
So when I came to terms with everything and moved back to my parents I told him we need to sort childcare out. I'm due to start full time work next week (something that we had planned because we'd be in our home, he'd be here and childcare would be easier). I suggested to him that he stuck with his original plans, to move back here where all his family are and where he has a job lined up and so we could split care for our daughter 50/50. He said this was fine, and I offered to set up some viewings for him, he agreed. Then when I try and talk to him again about it he's trying to throw it into my face that I'm only doing all this for myself and that I should wait until she's in school to have a career because he won't pay for childcare. He then got annoyed at the fact he'd have to have her for part of the weekend because apparently he still needs a life too because he's only 24 (hmm) (i am 21). I told him this was not about either of us this is about what is best for our daughter. When you chose to have a child you chose responsibility. Your party life gets put on hold.
He has told me for the past month that he is 'sorting it out' yet nothing has been done. He has nowhere to take our daughter when he does see her on the Saturday and Sunday that he does have her, meaning she gets brought back to me overnight whilst he goes out with his friends and sees nothing wrong with it.
How on earth do I get it into him that our daughter doesn't need his money (I have asked for not a penny) she needs his time and for him to be in her life. She absolutely adores her father and I would never dream of stopping him see her, I just want him to want her as much.
I never thought he could ever be like this and at first I was trying to get our family back but he has told me more than enough times how he never wants me (yet it didn't stop him sleeping with me twice since (hmm) ). And getting jealous over any guy commenting on my posts or when i went out and told him it was constant texts. He claims its because in his head he still thinks he 'owns me'. Our whole relationship was built on control and I feel very ashamed now that I can only just see him for what he is. I know this split is for the best.
Now how do I make him be in his daughters life? (sad)
Is mediation the way forward?
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Can i force him to have 50/50 contact?
4 replies
xxatu · 26/05/2016 11:00
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