Name crisis(6 Posts)
This is pretty embarrassing. My DD2 is 13.5 months, and I'm still not happy with her name. During my pregnancy DH and I had a clear favourite for a girl, with a second choice DH family name that was also nice. As soon as she came out, I thought she looked like the family name, but after a couple of days I went off it. Unfortunately MIL and FIL were told in the interim, and seized upon it and have never called her anything else. That's part of the problem, but in no way the main issue. In the meantime, my DM, who likes to stick her oar in, completely laid in to our original choice (which she had said was lovely when I was pregnant), and then started making her own suggestions. By the time the six week deadline was looming, I felt panicked, DH just wanted it done, and we ended up going with DM's suggestion, on the last possible day. I remember saying to the registrar that I still wasn't sure, and could we change it - it felt wrong, and I knew that the name I liked best was our original favourite. The name she actually has is classic and very popular (as is our original first choice. Both are consistently in the top 5), but it's not one I've ever liked. As soon as DD2 was registered (with the other two contenders as middle names), everyone said how beautiful the name was. But I've never been able to bring myself to use it. I've used a contraction, which is a name in its own right and which I vastly prefer, but which DH hates and refuses to use. We tried using the family name for a while, but it just isn't her, plus it's a bit plain. A very good middle name, but not a first name. We've kind of used all three, plus her own pet names, but she desperately needs a definitive name. DD1, 6, who's been remarkably sanguine about all this simply says "I don't know!" when someone asks her baby sister's name, and it's mortifying. We have until tomorrow to change the birth certificate. DH wants to change the order of the names and go back to our original first choice, but I'm still feeling influenced by my DM, who practically spat blood when the idea was tabled (though she very graciously(!) accepts this is not her decision to make). Help. I don't know what to do. I'm thinking maybe we should just keep it as it is, or maybe it's best to use the original first choice just so that both sets of grandparents have to use something different, and we have a name we actually intended. Then again, I'm wondering if the actual name has grown on me... But I really can't tell what I like anymore. Such a mess! Sorry, it's a bit of a splurge. Any thoughts gratefully received!
Your gut instinct is telling you something here. Listen to it. If the name was growing on you or didn't bother you so much, why can't you shake the feeling that it's wrong. And to hell with your mother, it's your child not hers.
Go back to your original first choice if that's what you want to call your baby. It has absolutely nothing to do with your mother or your inlaws. She can spit blood all she likes, and she can call your daughter what she likes and be the only person using it, but you need to pick a name you're happy with.
My MIL really didn't like the name we had chosen for DS when I was pregnant & it was putting me off using it, but we did & now she likes it!! You've got to use what you like!
What did you decide OP? Too late to help now, but I hope you're content with whatever choice you made
Thanks all. Bringmewineandcake, I did change it, with just a couple of hours to spare. It felt like a rushed decision in the end - half an hour before I left for the registry office I was on the phone to DH saying "maybe we should just keep it as it is", but I just didn't know what to do. So I did it, and now feel worse than ever. I really feel that she is the short version of her original name (the one DH won't use). Her new name is too fussy and now she has it, I really don't think it suits her. Really, really wish I'd left it and just called her the short version. Now I think we'll have to change it by deed poll back to what it was. What an unbelievable fuck up.
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