To want to kiss and hug child in the morning before I go?

(28 Posts)
Jasperkiss5 Tue 24-May-16 17:38:51

Is it reasonable to want to be able to have 30 seconds say, to kiss my son good bye and tell him I love him and will see him soon without the person who is looking after him for the day standing there open armed the entire time?

I leave DS with mil 1 day a week, I don't like doing it but have to to keep peace with husband. I don't get on great with mil for various reasons, largely that she was very patronising and undermining with me regarding my son and ignored very basic requests of mine. She's taken first grandchild to the extreme and comes across quite possessive over my son.

Anyway the mornings I drop him off to her, whilst I'm unloading his stuff, she is talking to DS the whole time. We barely speak but I feel when we do it's because I ask her how her weekend was or something like that, otherwise she would Just never ask. It saves the awkward silences. So once I've unloaded she will say 'right mummy's got to go, let's say bye'. Without letting me kiss and cuddle him bye. Bearing in mind she knows it'll be 10
Hours before I get to see him again. Bearing in mind, my son is at no sort of clingy stage at all so when I go he doesn't get upset at the moment, as he's content with her, so that isn't her reason. I get to here 20 minutes before I start work and my work is 3 minutes up the road in the town, with no traffic at that time. But no, as soon as I'm in the door she cannot wait to get me out.

So I've been having to say come to mummy for s kiss and taking him for a few seconds for a hug. The first couple of times, no lie, she stood there open armed smiling at him while I gave him a cuddle. Her arms must have ached she held them out for that long. I felt pressured to just pass him back. So the next time I walked into her kitchen with him
And stood by the mirror pulling faces and making him chuckle while I said bye and she followed me right up to the mirror and stood within a cm of us cooing at my son saying 'nannys boy you are', again open armed.

Is it me? Or could she just fuck off for 20 seconds and be normal and let me say bye to him? Or is me saying bye to him over the top or something? I just feel I want to kiss and cuddle him before I go that's all.

usual Tue 24-May-16 17:43:22

She sounds like she really enjoys looking after him ,you should be grateful for that.

Jasperkiss5 Tue 24-May-16 17:44:24

She does you're right. Not the point I'm making though.

ElspethFlashman Tue 24-May-16 17:45:15

Always kiss and cuddle him. What if he had an accident whilst you were at work (or god forbid worse) and you were haunted by the thought that you had felt too intimidated to cuddle him?

Fuck her. Get more assertive. Kiss and cuddle him as ostentatiously as possible and take ages doing so!

MaterofDragons Tue 24-May-16 17:50:00

I think it's entirely reasonable to kiss and cuddle your own child before you leave for work. Enjoy that time with him and do your best to filter out everything else for those 20 seconds.

ohlittlepea Tue 24-May-16 17:51:09

Ffs why do we always get these shitty pa comments on these posts.

This sounds really tough for you Op, you say you feel uncomfortable in your relationship anyway so it feels awkward when you drop your son off. It isn't unreasonable to want to kiss and hug your boy. Mil isnt necessarily trying to prevent that, she might feel really awkward too.. Or she might be being a bitch. It's hard to know 100%. If shes going to be looking after him I'd put some time in investing in making the relationship as healthy as possible.. You can try being honest with her and see what happens. Maybe saying (away from. Him) how hard it is to hand him over to anyone and how much you miss him and that you'd like to huggers and kiss him before you go...she might be weird about it or she might open up and tell you she felt that way once too...good luck with it all sorry it's so hard at the moment xxxx

BrandNewAndImproved Tue 24-May-16 17:53:40

I think it's because you don't like her that this is annoying you.

Just carry him in, give him a squeeze say bye and plop him on Mil and go to work. It sounds so unnecessary to make a big song and dance about saying goodbye without her looking on. She obviously just wants to get started having a nice day with your ds.

Smidge001 Tue 24-May-16 17:54:45

Maybe it would be easier if you did your goodbyes in the car/on the driveway/on the path or outside her front door before you knock on the door? That way you won't feel watched or under time pressure and can then just hand him over afterwards?

FrayedHem Tue 24-May-16 18:14:28

I would make the drop off kiss and cuddle short and sweet and do the big hugs and kisses at home/in car seat.
I would respond directly rather than engage with her in talking through your baby - so when she says "mummy is going say bye" "MIL pass him here I'll have a quick kiss and cuddle first."

MaterofDragons Tue 24-May-16 18:15:13

I'm confused about the pa comment. What does this mean - personal attack? If so, how is it a pa?

Costacoffeeplease Tue 24-May-16 18:18:14

I don't like doing it but have to to keep peace with husband

I don't think it would matter what she did - this sounds like the problem right there

SapphireStrange Tue 24-May-16 18:19:39

Master, passive-aggressive I think.

OP, fuck her. He's your son. If she won't voluntarily give you a minute to say goodbye in the mornings, take the minute for yourself.

Turn your back to her while you do hug/kiss, so at least you can't see her standing with her arms out like a weirdo.

If she tries any 'come to Nanny' or 'Mummy's got to go now' shite again, say crisply 'Mummy's got to go when she decides', then turn your attention back to your son.

VagueIdeas Tue 24-May-16 18:21:26

Considering your history, it's probably a power trip. Must get a real kick out of denying you a proper goodbye hmm

It would drive me insane, it really would. Shame your husband can't be more supportive and stop putting MIL's needs first.

ohlittlepea Tue 24-May-16 18:24:39

Sorry sapphire I was referring to usual's response, I give it ten minutes before someone else comes along and refers to a dead relative. I just feel it's OK to find relationships difficult and to moan sometimes, I hate it that people come on abd say 'this is hard for me' and always there's a response saying 'youre so lucky all of my relatives were killed in an elephant stampede and even before then all of them hated my children and when I let one look. After my son for ten minutes she sold him to the circus, so count yourself lucky!! Sorry I'm full of rage today smile

ohlittlepea Tue 24-May-16 18:25:52

Rage and terrible grammar smile sorry x

MaterofDragons Tue 24-May-16 18:26:43

Ok thanks sapphire that makes a bit more sense (I'm probably being a bit dim)

SapphireStrange Tue 24-May-16 18:27:53

What? pea, I think you misunderstand me. Did you think I meant 'fuck her' ie you? !!

God, sorry. blush I was saying to Master that I thought 'pa' meant 'passive-aggressive' and then I moved on to tell the OP to fuck the MIL. NOT you!!

ohlittlepea Tue 24-May-16 18:32:49

No harm done smile xxx

SapphireStrange Tue 24-May-16 18:39:12

<<phew>>

Imnotagilmoregirl Tue 24-May-16 18:43:19

She's either clueless or a cow. Maybe if you have a big snuggle and kiss, and then pop off, it makes little one upset and she doesn't like it/can't be bothered to deal with it? If so, tough tits, you and your child are entitled to a kiss and a cuddle.

Some people are genuinely unaware of how awkward they are, some people are skilled at being a bitch whilst being "helpful".

I would totally ignore unless it gets to a point where she's actively trying to prevent you from cuddling. Then I'd have her face off grin

AwfulBeryl Tue 24-May-16 18:46:58

Ok, I am not being shitty...but, it just sounds like she is trying to hurry a goodbye so you don't both get upset. I am not suggesting you don't cuddle your baby, but I always appreciated someone doing what your mil. I didn't take it that I couldn't cuddle my baby or say goodbye, just that it was better to get it over and done with, in a bright and breezy sort of way. I always found it hard to do when they were little, maybe your mil thinks this is the case.

usual Tue 24-May-16 19:00:20

Of course she's being a cow, she's a MiL,Mils are always cows in MN

Is that pa enough for you ohlittlepea? smile

usual Tue 24-May-16 19:03:36

Oh and if you have an issue with one of my posts then please address me and not slag me off to another poster.

BrandNewAndImproved Tue 24-May-16 19:05:32

You're going to be a Mil when your ds grows up, you do realise this yes op?

ohlittlepea Tue 24-May-16 22:50:51

Hi usual, point taken. I didn't like what you said, but I didn't mean to make you feel that I was slagging you off as a person. Sorry, Will do better with my words next time, pea

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