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Any advice on keeping the peace?

2 replies

EJQuirky · 19/05/2016 15:07

My DS (22) has announced that his fiance (18) is pregnant... I'd seen it coming tbf. I was totally prepared for the announcement and have offered them both my warm congratulations. However, DH and my mother are not happy, no, not happy at all and say they have no intention of getting to know the fiance better. AIBU in thinking that they need to man-up rather than risking the future relationship we will have with this baby when DIL gives birth?

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Thataintnoetchasketch · 19/05/2016 16:10

You're absolutely right. I think they need to realise that this may mean they also don't get to know their grandchild/great grandchild when he or she is born? Your sons fiancé & the little one will come as a package esp initially if she is off on maternity leave and/or breastfeeding. You're doing the right thing by being supportive.

My MIL is mother to two boys - she openly dislikes her other DIL and even asked her DS not to marry her. Now she is very bitter that DIL does not bring her grand daughter to see her often & why they as a family choose to spend more time with the other grandparents. I completely agree with DIL though - who would want to spend time with someone you know still bad mouths you to anyone who will listen?

The bigger picture is that you will love this grandchild & want to be part of his or her life. Has this girl done something to make them dislike her so much?

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EJQuirky · 19/05/2016 16:27

I think my mother is projecting how disappointed she was with me... I had DS when I was 19 and to say she was angry would be an understatement, so for her this may be her version of 'history repeating itself' (despite the fact that she dotes over all her grandchildren). DH is of the mind 'they can't even look after themselves' (they live with DS's fiance's mum and are always skint)... so maybe he's just scared for them.

So, no, she hasn't done anything wrong. She's feisty, funny and exactly what DS needs...he's so laid back that he's horizontal and they seem to be totally in love with each other.

I can't bear the thought of their hostility having an impact on my relationship with my first grandchild... hey I may only be 42 but it is the 21st century right?