How to support friend but protect my DC too?!

[Binkybix]

Hello

I'm not very confident dealing with other children so I'd really appreciate some advice from more experienced parents. I'm friends with a really nice lady as part of a wider group, our DCs are nearly 3. Her DC has always been on the normal end of pushy, but has recently got a lot worse. Lots of pushing of others (particularly when he thinks adults aren't looking) and has started doing things like trapping my DC by physically hurting him.

My DC is very reticent and finds it difficult to join in groups at the best of times. To my knowledge he's never hit or pushed, but fully aware I may have missed it and that this can change!

For various reasons they're both going through a really rough time so I don't want to make things harder for them, but I also want to protect my DC who gets discouraged really easily. The mum does intervene when she sees stuff but we have younger ones too and she doesn't have eyes in the back of her head.

So - does anyone have suggestions for the kind of things I can say to him to intervene when I need to firmly but fairly? The group is generally ok with each other reprimanding others DCs within reason.

Thanks for getting through this essay!

[littlemonkey5]

you have a fine line with boys between defense and offence.

On one hand you want to protect them and on the other, you really want them to stand up for themselves and be independent.

I have a spiteful 5yr old and a very laid back 3yr old (who thinks he is 5), the 5yr old is so nasty to his brother, mainly in the back of the car when he knows I can't do anything at that moment. He does know that I will stop at the side of the road and remove him though, which does work. *disclaimer - we never leave him, we just stop, take him out, have a word and make him apologise before letting him back in.

Unfortunately on a different occasion, he will do it again.

As much as I want to defend my 3yr old, I also really want him to give back as much as he has been given. TBH if you saw my 3yr old, you would see why just one swipe would sort his brother out once and for all!
I am not suggesting this for your situation though.

I would try to teach your DS to be assertive, tell him what is acceptable, what is not, when to act and when to react. Hopefully if it is nipped in the bud firmly, they will sort out their differences quickly. Don't let your DS feel like a victim though, he needs to feel empowered.
Good luck

[Binkybix]

Thanks - yes, that's how I feel. I want him to be able to assert himself too, without making him the aggressor.

I wasn't totally clear in previous post - it's the other mother and her little boy who are going through a tough time, not the two DC. It's not just my son the other bit is aggressive too, but mine is definitely affected more than the others who seem a but more robust and likely to give back as good as they get!