So my daughter's of the age (nearly 8) where she is realising that some people are more popular than others. She sometimes complains that other people seem to have more friends and get invited to more parties. She has 3 or 4 good friends, another 3 or 4 less close friends; she gets picked on a bit, but I don't think anyone is systematically bullying her. She's never going to a be a 'cool kid' (thank God for that, I say!), she's a bit quirky, but she has several people who are always pleased to see her when she arrives at school, and to me that's a good sign.
I'm of the view that what she has is 'enough' and am inclined to encourage her to accept that she has good friends (her closest ones I think will always be loyal) and that it's not a numbers game. I would be worried if she had no friends, or was reliant on one or two friends who might not be reliable, or if she was being heavily bullied, but I don't feel she's at risk of being ostracised or anything.
My husband, though, is really ultra sensitive about this kind of thing - he fears we've 'failed her' (as he puts it), by not having arranged enough playdates, and says I'm being complacent when I say I don't think things are really a problem. The thing is, in some ways I'm not sure what we can do other than trying to be a bit more proactive about getting together with friends outside school (which I have been lately). We can't change who she is. I want to be able to tell her that things are OK and she should enjoy what she has, but I suppose DH would see that as giving her low expectations. And what is going to be 'enough' friends anyway?
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What is 'popular enough' (7 yo)?
Echobelly · 09/05/2016 10:01
Thing is she's not that happy and I want to tell her she's OK (and I do); she's not so hard to deal with, it's DH that gets really despondent. I've told him that if he thinks it's so important she sees more of her friends outside school, he can help organise it. We both work ft and I find it so hard to juggle this kind of thing, especially as we have very limited capacity to give return playdates when the kids go to after school club and I find you have to arrange weekend playdates either at the last minute or weeks and weeks in advance. I don't honestly think I could manage dealing with managing more than about 4 friends!
DD also really admires the 'popular girl' and this girl's been playing with her lately and saying Ez can be her '2nd best friend' or whatever, which makes me kind of 
because I think girls like that like to toy with girls like DD so they can turn on the when they want to display their clout. And I have warned DD to tread carefully with this girl and be prepared that she might not stay her friend. I've invited her to DD's party, but I fully expect her mum not to bother replying.
I guess I was thinking about this all this morning, as a girl DD was talking to from the other class as we came in asked if DD had been to a classmate's party yesterday and she hadn't. I felt a bit sad for her, but then this was one of the kids whose mum had declined offhandedly last year, and although they looked like being chummy in Reception I don't think they've been close since.
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