Yet another "best age gap" thread

(23 Posts)
TheOracleAtSelfie Fri 22-Apr-16 09:31:54

Title says it all really. We have one DD who is 12 months, and considering when to TTC for number two. What are your age gaps and would you recommend them?

Current thinking is we would like a 2.5-3 year gap but want to err on side of caution in case it takes us ages to conceive; we don't want a gap of more than 3 years really.

Advice and views gratefully received! X

MrsJayy Fri 22-Apr-16 09:35:50

I have nearly 5 years i didnt want a baby and toddler I would have struggled I dont think there is an ideal gap really

minipie Fri 22-Apr-16 10:10:00

I used to think 2-2.5yrs was the best gap (based on nothing really!)

I now have two with 2.4yrs between them. I've changed my mind and think at least 2.10-3.5 yrs would be the best gap. If you won't have much help, then I would definitely suggest at least a 3 year gap so you can put the older one in nursery for the 15 free hours.

MyBreadIsEggy Fri 22-Apr-16 10:15:12

I have a 12mo DD, and am pregnant with number 2. There will be 17 months between them. I'm terrified at the thought of having a baby and a toddler, but excited at the same time smile
We always wanted a small age gap between our children so they will grow up together and we can get nappies and baby stages out of the way in one swoop!

Lolly12 Fri 22-Apr-16 10:22:12

As already said there's no perfect gap. There's pros and cons with both small and bigger gaps. There's 2.4 years between my two but with no family nearby I still put my DS into nursery 2.5 days a week when I was on mat leave (which I felt mega guilty about but it needed to be done for my sanity). It was hard at first but a lot easier now with a 3 and 5 year old as they play together a lot.

I know quite a few people with a 4 year gap who have their second just as first starts school which seems to work quite well. You get time with new baby when older child at school and if you work then you're on mat leave for you child's first year at school so can do school run, play dates etc.

Ludways Fri 22-Apr-16 10:22:58

There's 5 years between me and my sister, we get on great now but I think that gap was a too big, we were never at the same stage growing up and when I was 13 she left for uni and I was lonely. There's 4 years between my two, it's better but I think 3 years would've been best tbh.

MrsJayy Fri 22-Apr-16 10:29:06

when dd1 was a teen was hard but a relative who has 13 months between hers teens tore lumps out of each other . My friend is struggiling atm with her 13 and 10 year old not getting on friend is upset because they used to be close so it really doesnt matter the gap as there will be struggles anyway

TheOracleAtSelfie Fri 22-Apr-16 11:43:13

Thanks all. There's a big gap between me and my siblings which makes me want a smaller gap between DD and future siblings... However the free nursery hours seem very useful when thinking about a second!

FuckyNell Fri 22-Apr-16 11:47:10

Well tbh you get what you're given grin

MrsJayy Fri 22-Apr-16 11:54:25

I liked the high school stage 1 was nearly leaving another starting

Miffyandme Fri 22-Apr-16 15:59:43

We have 17 months. It's exhausting and taking it's toll near the end of the first year but we have both said that it would seem far easier for DD1 to have had a baby sibling when she did than introducing a newborn now at just over two. I've heard the same from friends too.

MrsJayy Fri 22-Apr-16 16:13:39

On old neighbour of mine had an 18month old and twins poor woman didnt know her arse from her elbow for 2 years

Spotsondots Fri 22-Apr-16 18:33:57

I wouldn't get too hung up on it. You can't choose these things. My 'ideal' gap of just over two years has long since passed. And not through lack of trying.

uhoh2016 Fri 22-Apr-16 20:33:15

I've got 2.5yrs between 1 & 2 then a further 5yrs between 2 &3. Pros and cons with both gaps.
Pros between 1&2 :
They've grown up really close and have a lot of common interests.
I could recycle ds1 clothes for ds2.
Cons:
If I'm honest it was all a bit of a blur with a toddler and newborn, I didn't think beyond getting through the day.
I can't say that I really enjoyed the newborn/baby years of ds2.

Pros for 5yr age gap
The older dc at school so get much needed 1-1 time with baby.
Ds3 had to fall into the routine we already had with the older dc.
I was much more confident in my parenting abilities.
Older dc can feed toilet and play independent and can help with baby ie getting wipes/bibs etc
Cons:
Starting again with night feeds and nappies.
They've nothing in common and at different stages of play.
I'd sold all older dc baby stuff so had to buy new again.

DiggersRest Fri 22-Apr-16 21:07:42

I have almost 5 years as l didn't want a baby and toddler. There is only 20 months between me and my sister and it was shit tbh. Our friendship circle merged, there was no getting away from each other, getting to be our own person not just LittleDiggersRest or BigDiggersRest. We are close now because our paths veered massively around 18 years old and we could finally not be in each others shadows.

But everyone has different experiences l know.

cudbywestrangers Fri 22-Apr-16 21:19:35

We're nearly 3 months into a 2.10 year gap and it's not too bad compared to what i expected... so far!

Ds1 is pretty independent so can eat, toilet and wash etc mostly on his own with supervision. He also sleeps reliably at night and doesn't need too much lifting etc. He is also still at nursery for the normal hours he did when i was working, i haven't dared to upset the routine just yet even though we don't get free hours until September.

On the downside, we have had some issues with adjusting including toiletting regression and jealousy which manifests as grumpiness and tantrums. I guess these may be less of an issue with smaller (both in nappies, less jealousy) or bigger (better understanding) gaps. I'm not complaining though and think around 3 years has worked well for us in these early days

TheSuspiciousMsWhicher Fri 22-Apr-16 21:25:14

2.5 years between my DDs. In retrospect, waiting a year so that DD1 was at nursery for 15 hours a week would have been a good idea. I had no family nearby and looking after a toddler and a baby all day with no break was tough.

danadas Fri 22-Apr-16 21:28:36

I have a 2 year and 8 year gap.

Much prefer the bigger gap and wouldn't repeat the two year gap.

TheSuspiciousMsWhicher Fri 22-Apr-16 21:29:51

Also, DD1 wasn't quite potty trained at 2.5 meaning I had two in nappies. By 3.5 she was reliably dry day and night.

Although there are 2.5 years between my DDs, there are 3 school years between them. This means that DD2s GCSE's will not clash with DD1s A2s which can only be a good thing!

yolorolo Fri 22-Apr-16 21:36:49

12 months here between ds and dd. Planned for a close gap but didn't expect to conceive quite so quickly! It has been hard work at times, some days are a blur but most of the time it is lovely. Thankfully our dd sleeps better than our ds who has yet to sleep through. Despite the tiredness my dh and I agree having them so close wasthe best decision. My only advice would be don't move house three weeks before due date with an 11 month old with hand foot and mouth.

MiaowTheCat Sat 23-Apr-16 17:02:38

11 months between my two (now 3 and 4) and it's getting increasingly lovely now. They have some stuff they do together and some separately - things like dancing they do at the same time but in different classes so I get shared logistics but separate identities developing.

Bravada Sun 24-Apr-16 10:56:47

Oh interesting OP - we are at the same stage and wondering the same thing! 5.5 years between me and my brother and I wouldn't want such a large gap. He was just too much younger, couldn't play the same games etc. We weren't even at the same schools very much. My parents didn't intend to have such a big gap though sad so I bear that in mind, not knowing how things will go when we do start trying.

I'm thinking, ideally, I would like pfb to be sleeping in a proper bed, able to climb stairs and into bath etc before I am heavily pregnant. Ie not needing picked up and heaved about all the time. Not sure when that it is though..

Daisyandbabies Tue 26-Apr-16 11:27:54

Most people are probably going to think their age gap is the ideal as that's all they've experienced. Mine have a 2 and a half year gap which was planned and I love it. By the time baby was born, my toddler was fully potty trained and able to do some things for himself and play somewhat independently if I was feeding the baby, etc. Old enough that baby crying didn't wake him in the night and he also didn't nap anymore so I didn't have to worry about fitting together two different routines.
Now that my youngest is 1 and a half, they can go to playgroups together and play a lot together at home, like best friends. They both go to bed together at 7 and apart from youngest having a nap in the morning while big brother is at preschool, they have the same routines. Also, my eldest is old enough (at just turned 4) to come and tell me if my youngest is doing naughty. I love it

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