advice needed

[Tink2015]

Hello everyone I'm currently 8 weeks pregnant All is well and ok expect my mum asked me if she could be the first to dress baby when baby's being born and as I was ill that day and didn't want to talk on phone for too long I said yes not realising that it was a special moment that my partner wanted to share with me.

My mum keeps saying to me how special it is and how much it means to her because she never got to do it with me and my brother. After speaking with my partner he said he would like to share that moment with me how the hell am I supposed to tell my mum that she can't now ?

[Pinkheart5915]

Your mum shouldn't really of asked its a moment for the parents.
Just say you've spoke to your partner and you've both decided you don't want to miss out on the dressing first time.
Also it's best if you don't agree to anything else like this as you don't know how your feel about once the baby is here

[pitterpatterrain]

Unless she is going to be in the hospital during your birth I'm also not sure when it would work out practically as well. I actually can't remember when we dressed DD first. It was an EMCS so it might have been a nurse tbh.

[chunkymum1]

If she's saying that she never got to do this with you and your brother, and that this is why it is so special to her, I'd use that to start the conversation. Something like- I know how much you would have liked to do this with us and it's made me realise how special it is I know you'll understand that DP and I want to have this special moment.

[Tink2015]

She's just being really happy about everything but she's also the kind of mum that has to have things her way otherwise she won't be happy. Soon as I tell her she's going to say things to make me feel guilty and she going to be in the room with me while I'm giving birth. I just don't want to hurt her but I can't take this away from my partner

[Eminado]

I think you need to start getting used to prioritising your partner.
Imagine if he agreed something with his mum about the baby that you wanted to do?

Also as said above, you can't always control who does it depending on how the birth goes. I had an emcs and neither of us did it - must have been a nurse

[GoldPlatedBacon]

Are you planning on having your mum with you when you give birth? If not, I don't really see how she'll have the opportunity unless you're planning on leaving your baby in a nappy wrapped in a blanket until she arrives (you can of course do that!)

My DP was the first one to dress my dd. I had a relatively straightforward vaginal birth but I had a tear and it took a while before I was stitched up. By the time I held my dd again my DP had dressed her after the midwife suggested he did it.

Congratulations btw

[Tink2015]

Yeah I know what you me saying and I'd be devastated. I guess I just got to find the right time to tell her

[Tink2015]

Goldplatedbacon

I want my mum at the birth and yeah I know there are possiblites that I might not be able to do it with partner and he's scared of doing it on his own for the first time I guess it just depends on the birth.

[GoldPlatedBacon]

I think chunky has the best approach.

As a tip, put a hat, mittens, babygrow, vest and nappy in a clear bag (I used the bag that a pack of baby grows came in) and label it 'first clothes'; it made my DP's life a lot easier. Tbh, by the time I had my dd all I wanted to do was rest and eat and I couldn't give a toss that I didn't dress her but it did mean a lot to my DP.

[Tink2015]

It would mean alot to my partner too what does DD and DP stand for ? And he's just scared of I can't do it I don't deal with pain very well so not sure if il be able to do it with him and that's a good idea thank you

[GoldPlatedBacon]

Dd - dear daughter

DP - dear partner

(if you're concerned about the birth research pain relief and have some!) good luck!

[Tink2015]

Thank you very much

[AnnieOnnieMouse]

How about if you get your partner and your mum to dress baby between them?
The midwife dressed mine each time; I never thought of it as a 'thing'. I was too busy getting over it to give too hoots, to be honest!