DS 3 - behaviour with other children - please help need advice. Have also posted in behaviour/dev hope that's ok as need as much advice as pos

[Newtobecomingamum]

My DS 3 years has started pushing, knocking, shouting, growling, stamping on toes/hands and charging at other children. He does this to bigger older children and younger children. He's not scared of even the older children, he has also done this to adults just walking by.

DD arrived 3m ago and before that he was fine. He's so so at home, loves the baby most the time (has his moments). I feel so stressed taking him out to the park, soft play or seeing his cousins because of his behaviour. He goes to nursery 3 tikes a week and is an angel there, or so I am told!

When he does something to another child I tell him off, give him a warning not to do it again and say a consequence of what will happen if he does it again depending where we are eg we are going to leave the park. I probably give a few too many telling offs/ warnings before following through on consequence e.g actually leave the park. Just because I feel sorry for him and want him to be able to play in the park or soft play.

My husband and I are guilty of maybe giving him too much attention when he was younger in relation to playing with him and him not having much independent play. For example going around with him at soft play as he would want us to and him not going off exploring and playing by himself.

What can I do to nip this behaviour in the bud? I am worried an older chd or someone is going to hurt him. Other parents are giving me evil looks too. He's such a lovely boy really (honestly) and he looks confused and gets upset when I tell him off. I explain why eg he's hurt someone etc.

I see all other parents sitting chatting at the parks and soft play whilst their children are off playing. I'm constantly running around or on standby at the edge of the soft play with horrendous nerves feeling sick keep telling him off or watching he doesn't get hit back. What do I do? Should I sit back and let him learn the consequence of his actions? Eg someone push him back so he knows he can't get away doing it? I don't want him to get hurt though.

Please help, I feel so upset for him

X

[daisydalrymple]

Can you reduce your outings right down and simplify them, so start with a simple trip to the park. Say that you'll stay for x numbers of gos on swings / slide etc if he's a good boy. Tell him hitting etc is not good and you'll go home if he does it. And follow through calmly.

If you do get disapproving looks, go over and say to other parents, I'm sorry, he's slightly unsettled since dd has been born and we're working on it. You Don't need to sound as if you're in the wrong, but do acknowledge it.

Are you able to give ds one on one time without baby dd around? It sounds like he's reacting to her arrival by this behaviour, maybe he's feeling insecure and needs reassurance and this is his way of getting your attention (any attention).

Praise praise praise as much good behaviour as you can, and whenever you go somewhere with him, set simple boundaries before hand. So this is good behaviour a b c and this isn't x y z. If we do a, we can stay for five bounces etc, b ten bounces, y we go straight home.

[Newtobecomingamum]

That's such great advice Daisy thank you for responding to me. That's really helpful. x

[daisydalrymple]

You're welcome, just hope something works for you all it's hard going juggling the needs of different ages and trying to give equal attention. I remember when Dd arrived, ds1 had just turned two, he was ok, but just wouldn't say her name. Baba. He'd point at her and call baba, go to her chair and call baba. Then occasionally he'd forget and say f-baba (name begins with f) it was as if by not giving her a name she wouldn't be permanent, even at that really young age!

It's amazing what they must take in.

[Bertieboo1]

Our son's behaviour went downhill for exactly the same reason (baby is now 6 months old). We love going to groups/soft play etc but I decided to limit it, like the poster above has described. He wasn't hitting other children but whinging and crying for my attention constantly - I guess he felt unsettled with the baby.

Having calm time at home with lots of cuddles and 1 to 1 time, especially now baby is napping in his bed has really helped. Xx

[Lunar1]

I wouldn't sit back and let him face the consequences, nobody with thank you for sitting there while he's aggressive and it will stress you out no end.

I'd tell him before you go out that he will get one warning if he plays up and then you will be leaving.

It's probably just a phase as he's adjusting to a sibling. If you nip it in he bud now it will pass quickly.