DD bitten at nursery - am I overreacting?(27 Posts)
Arrived at nursery pickup today to find them filling in an incident form as nearly 16 mo DD had been bitten on the temple. Obviously not pleasant for DD but these things happen. I undressed DD for bath tonight to discover two further bites on the top of her arm. I understand that things can happen quickly but am I unreasonable to think that someone should have been watching closely enough to have intervened before DD was bitten three times? The other thing is that they implied they had seen the whole incident but clearly didn't.
Ouch that looks nasty
Is it the first time anything like this has happened?
How soon before you collected had the incident occurred?
These things happen [nursery nurse/nanny]
Ouch - poor girl
Unfortunately these things do happen at nursery, and the bites on her arm may have happened at a different time. How do you feel they handled it? That would be the key thing for me.
These things can happen its nightmare for parents of child who bites and the child and other parents involved.
The nursery should have checked all over but my not have seen. If the other child bite on temple that staff saw then sort of slid down them butting in arm as they would - your child would be crying and staff would be rushing to stop it and do first aid. The 3 seconds it took for bitter to slide of your child could easily be enough to bite again.
Nursery should still be told and would respect an apoglogy but it is possible reasonable explanation while it was missed even if they saw incident.
That's the 3 seconds it took for the other child to climb or slide off yours easily enough time to bite on the way down
These things happen [nursery nurse/nanny] Are you for real?! I'm sure they do happen in settings where the children behave like wild animals and the staff don't watch them!
This is a nasty wound. And unless they are all going around viscously biting each other with enough determination to draw blood, I would guess this is two serious attacks from one child.
Why is the attacking child biting?
Why are the staff not noticing?
Has the offending child's family been informed / warned?
What measures are the nursery going to take to ensure your child is protected from violent behaviour whilst in their care?
Thanks all. It's hard to know if you're overreacting when it's your own baby! I agree it's less about the incident and more how they handle it. DD does love it there and this is the first time it's happened so hopefully a one off.
My eldest was a biter. He wasn't a "wild animal", nor were the staff not watching them. He drew blood too. We weren't "warned" - we were informed.
These things do happen unfortunately.
It's often children under two who bite. Saw children just do not because they are fighting over a toy or upset or anything. I used work in nurseries you could have two children on your lap and one could reach over and bite the other for no reason. It's not the nurserys fault they can't just expel said child nor can they put child in a cage! I've worked with prolific biters even on 1-1 care (at cost of other children getting less attention) it's hard to physically keep other children away far enough so biter can't lean forward and bite. It's nightmare all round
Wow. I am genuinely shocked. I've never heard of children biting each other. Not to draw blood anyway! If my DCs were repeatedly drawing blood I'd have been straight down the Child Psych's office. But clearly I'm in the minority there. I must lead a very sheltered life.
The fact is the can't watch them all the whole time, a little girl at our nursery was being mean to DS saying he couldn't play because she didn't like boys I went to the nursery they hadn't seen anything but 2 days later they got back to me saying that they had been keeping an eye and she was doing it on the sly. My point is they think they see what's happening but it's not always obvious especially when they are young and can't explain.
I would ask if she was upset at any other point in the day if they say yes then I would guess that's when it happened if they say no i'd be inclined to probe a little harder those marks would have hurt I would be surprised if there was no reaction.
It does happen but it's very upsetting especially when you discover it later on try to approach the nursery with an attitude of I understand it happens please keep a close eye since it's clearly been more than once.
I absolutely don't think the other child/ parents should be punished! I'm sure they are mortified. It's useful to hear some perspectives from people who have looked after children professionally. Now I think about it it's amazing how mischief DD can manage to get into in mere seconds and I only have her to watch!
I think on the whole they handled it well other than that they didn't see the other bites happen but can see how that could be. I will definitely discuss with them tomorrow. Mainly I feel awful for DD as it looks like it REALLY hurt!
Whatthefugg I really doubt child psychiatrists are interested in the normal toddler behaviour of biting. OP my DD (23months) came home with a big bite mark on her head today, the staff were very apologetic. Apparently another child suddenly turned and bit her during their storytime. It happens. My DD wasn't too perturbed, and when I asked her what happened she said her keyworker bit her (I'm sure she didn't!).
Thanks for the advice Kiki. I like your approach on how to bring it up with the staff without beinh massively accusatory.
You need to tell them so they can put it down as an existing injury.
Also it helps them as they will put measures in place with the other child once you let them know how many bites they were able to make.
It wouldn't have been a prolonged sustained attack as I'm sure you child quite sensibley yelled her head off poor thing.
Dd was tiny when another child picked up her hand as if to hold it then but her and drew blood. I had to make a huge effort with the child's mother as she kept actively avoiding me or making eye contact. I didn't blame her at all .... It was the first occasion her child had ever bitten, poor lady and it clearly affected her
I hope it helps even though it's normal for biting to happen the nursery will want to know how serious it is so they know what they are dealing with. The teacher will likely be upset that she's been hurt more than she realised on her watch.
I don't think there's anything wrong with bringing it up at nursery.
My DD was bitten several times at nursery. I didn't make a fuss and completely understand these things happen, but it has had a big impact on her and she still dreams about it now (it's 1.5 years ago).
Her bites were not as bad as the ones you have posted, and it was only ever one bite per incident.
I would simply say you've found two further bites, ask them what they think happened, and what strategies they have to prevent it from happening again.
In the case of our nursery we were told the DC who was biting was being more closely supervised and they were avoiding certain types of activities which triggered his biting.
My son (5.5) has aspergers and he bites other children when they do something he doesn't want them to. It's horrible when you know your child is hurting other children.
When I saw the thread title I thought I was going to say that this happens all the time, but when I realised she had three different bites I was a bit surprised. I would probably be asking questions about how well-supervised the kids are. Not many children would get a chance to bite that hard three times in a row!
Children put everything in mouths from birth for some children this also extends to other body parts. To them it's exploring they have no comprehension of pain to others. Same way also bite table or remote control.
I've got three dc. The older two were both bitten at nursery. Two different nurseries. One of which was Outstanding according to Ofsted. I had 100% faith in both to look after my children and continued to do so after the biting happened.
My third child was the biter. He only bit someone once and didn't draw blood. He was a toddler. He wasn't an 'animal' and his pre-school was also excellent. I was friends with the mother of the child he bit. She shrugged it off and said 'meh, it happens'.
Toddlers bite. DS1 was bitten on the face. It bruised quite badly. The boy's Mum was apologetic. I was fine about it.
But do get the other marks recorded at nursery.
DD was bitten a few times at nursery between the ages of 2-4, including on the face.
It hasn't always been the same child
dd proudly tells me who did it, not nursery staff it seems she is just...um....the tasty one
I always felt a bit sorry for the biter, and their poor parents. Labelling them "wild animals" isn't very nice, they are just little children.
I think the nursery do need to know about the bites they missed.
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