What age did you leave your child overnight for the first time?

(20 Posts)
Newmamatobe Thu 31-Mar-16 23:44:55

Hello,

I'm a lone parent with a 7 week old beautiful DD. Had a rotten situation at 8 days old where I was rushed into hospital by ambulance with a post labour infection and was away from DD for a night on the critical ward.. She joined me after that on the postnatal ward.

Since then she has stayed with my Mum (we are very close and sharing these early weeks every day, Mum more or less lives at my home for now) once to give me a break and help me recover from illness as I couldn't switch off and sleep with her here. I had lots of updates and pictures sent by text...

It was a really glum time but I banked a 12 hour sleep.... Which in my mind means it's better for DD to have a fresh Mum rather than a totally broken one... Hmmm I'm on the fence though with guilt around this- I've even asked Mum not to tell other family members about it.

Be great to hear similar experiences around this for me to gage whether my thoughts are healthy on the subject - mothers guilt hurts!!

uhoh2016 Fri 01-Apr-16 08:16:16

My dc all slept at Nans within a few weeks old to give me a break and to recover from the birth.
Don't feel guilty at all she's with your Mum not some random person you found in the street. Your baby will suffer no ill affects at all and will not be scarred for life. Like you said it's much better for both of you that she's got a well rested Mum. These early months are difficult enjoy the rest when you can get it.

expatinscotland Fri 01-Apr-16 08:28:03

She's in safe hands. Rest up, you have been seriously ill. You are right: you NEED to look after yourself. Let your mum look after her, I'll bet she was so worried about you! Try not to feel guilty, your daughter will be just fine. smile

doyouseeme1 Fri 01-Apr-16 08:33:01

I left my dc with my parents at around 5 weeks old. I was struggling and needed the help, one full night of sleep and I felt like a new woman again. Don't feel guilty, you need to look after yourself just as much as you look after the baby.

skankingpiglet Fri 01-Apr-16 09:30:11

We first had a night away when DD was 5mo (and for nothing as sensible as more sleep, we went dancing in the big smoke), but the biggest difference is there is me and DH at home so we are able to share the responsibility day to day and give each other a break. We both got odd nights in the spare room (DH would bring DD in when she needed a feed on my nights). In your situation you are doing completely the right thing. A burnt out mum is no good to a baby, it's really important to take care of yourself. Please don't feel guilty about it. And good on your lovely mum for taking her for you. Remember she's been there too and will know how tough it is. I'm only 21mo in with DD (and another on the way!) but I can't imagine I'll ever forget how tough those first few weeks and months were. I would have really struggled if I had had to do it completely alone. Think on it as an excellent bonding opportunity for your DM and DD too, having a close extended family is so beneficial to children.

LunaLunaLovegood Fri 01-Apr-16 09:33:58

I thought this was about leaving them ALONE overnight, I was going to say about 15!!

OP you are doing a great job, it is really important to get rest when you are unwell and also looking after a tiny baby. If I was your mum I would be glad to help, I bet your mum is very proud of you.

Thurlow Fri 01-Apr-16 09:36:38

Probably about 4 months old when I went to a wedding for a night and left DD with my parents, which was obviously easier to do as she was bottle fed. From about 6w I would stay at my parents occasionally and my mum would have DD in with her so I could sleep.

Never feel guilty about getting some sleep!

ForeverLivingMyArse Fri 01-Apr-16 09:38:09

Both around 7 weeks for purely selfish reasons.

GlitteryFluff Fri 01-Apr-16 10:00:19

I haven't left DS overnight yet and he's 19 months.

Amberlight003 Fri 01-Apr-16 10:23:15

As you've said, you are a lone parent. I don't know how lone parents would do it without support.

Even if you hadn't been ill, there would be no need for you to feel guilty as you are a single mum! You need your rest of you are doing all of the nappy changes, feeds, cuddles, housework etc.

I first left mine when she was just under 5 months. It was over New Year's Eve. We had some friends over and I thought it wouldn't be fair having her here with all of the noise, plus I don't think I'd be in a fit state to wake up the next morning with her! I did feel a bit sad, that I'd shipped her off so I could get drunk lol. But I think I'll always be like that, it's just me and how I am personally. But I see on Facebook how women with husbands leave their babies at 3 weeks with their mum to go out, not that I judged them at all, but that wouldn't be for me. Basically everyone feels comfortable with different things, but i do suspect even those mums have a bit of guilt and feel sad. It's just being a good mum!

corythatwas Fri 01-Apr-16 11:37:33

Ds was younger than this when dh took him on a cross-country journey to be shown to his (as we thought) dying grandfather and came back the next day. Not ideal as he was breastfed, but at that particular moment we thought somebody else's needs were equally important (FIL to have seen his granddad, dh to know that he had which would have helped him with the grief afterwards). I have never felt the need to justify that decision to anyone: it was so very obviously the right thing to do (and FIL recovered and lived for another two years smile).

In your case I would definitely say the need to keep you- the most important person in your dc's life- well is worth prioritising.

MattDillonsPants Fri 01-Apr-16 12:38:56

Oh I'd have done as you've done OP if anyone had offered! Well...if my Mum had offered! That sleep is like golddust when you're recovering as you are.

SpeakNoWords Fri 01-Apr-16 12:51:13

Are you feeling guilty because you had 1 night away from your child, where your mum has her instead, in order to recover from a critical post-labour infection?

Please don't, if that's the case! Goodness, you needed to rest and recover, and your mum sounds great for stepping in to help. I think that anyone in your position would do exactly the same. I didn't see my DS for a day and half after he was born because I was too ill, and he was whisked away to the SCBU. I don't feel guilty about that for a second, it was unavoidable, as was your situation. It would have been no good to have delayed your recovery by pushing yourself too far on coming back from hospital. You did the right thing and asked for help, no guilt needed.

kiki22 Fri 01-Apr-16 16:13:43

DS went to my mum's about 3 weeks old I was recovering and needed a restful night, when dp got up with DS I still woke up, that night was great, he's spent 1/2 nights a month at my mums, mil or my sister's since I love it gives me time to myself and he gets spoiled rotten good all round.

I don't understand why people frown upon sending kids to stay over with trusted family members Imo everyone wins mum/dad get a much needed rest, child gets spoiled and doted on and family gets some lovely 1 on 1 bonding time. I bet your mum loves it and you can obviously trust her I don't see a down side.

Newmamatobe Fri 01-Apr-16 17:20:33

It's so comforting to hear it's a normal thing, I think the pace and downright draining few months can affect my thinking and make me worry too much....

When I see DD with my Mum I can see how close and amazing they are and are going to be together actually. My mums waited patiently for a grandchild with me, my sister and brother all choosing careers first and all in our 30s...

I'm considering making it a regular thing, perhaps once a fortnight ONLY if DD is settled and happy that day if she wasn't I would change it...

Would be really healthy for me to have solid recharge rest, even watch a film in the silent house (bliss) regularly and likewise for Mum to have her granddaughter to stay...

It's funny, as a lone parent I haven't found the cycle of looking after DD a struggle as such it's more the hugs and someone to talk to for a second opinion who shares the parental love, didn't expect that when I was pregnant... Families do come in all shapes and sizes these days though, I know we will be fine!!

Thanks to all you OP who have posted I can confirm I am no longer bashing myself over this one and see it as a bloody great gift!!

Xxx

Caterina99 Fri 01-Apr-16 20:49:45

I left my DS overnight with my parents at about 5 months to have a night away with my friends. But I'm not a single parent, and we live abroad so no family here to take him anyway. I'd do exactly the same in your position and I think one night a fortnight sounds great. If you and DD and your mum are all happy then absolutely go for it!

TeaBelle Fri 01-Apr-16 20:53:23

16 months - up until then she had breastfed to sleep so couldn't have done it earlier. Personally I only left her then because my mum booked us a night away - think she was eager to babysit!! But with hindsight it was fab to have a bit of couple time.

Newmamatobe Sun 10-Apr-16 22:16:11

I am pleased to report that things are working great! I've stopped trying to be a bloody hero and mum and I are a much better team for it, there's even a few more laughs around the last week or so!

Had last night to myself, a Chinese take away and a 14 hour sleep - then to say thankyou I took mum out for Sunday lunch with DS... Lots of cake was eaten...

Win win ;-))))

JasperDamerel Sun 10-Apr-16 22:21:14

Haven't had a night away from the 6 year old yet, and DD was 7. But my closest relative geographically lives at the other end of the country, and my mum and sister are both overseas. When I see children who have that sort of closeness with their grandparents, I feel envy, not judgement.

Gingernut81 Tue 12-Apr-16 15:32:07

I'm about to leave DD for the first time & shes 7 months old! Don't feel guilty, my mum would have done it but I was so anxious that mum taking her for an hour or so made me a nervous wreck! I could have done with the sleep too!

I say go for it, it was difficult enough with a DH never mind on my own so I'm full of admiration for you doing it alone. Take all the help you need, it sounds like you deserve It after everything you've been through.

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