He's letting them down.

(9 Posts)
Tinch89 Mon 21-Mar-16 00:27:28

I have two children ( 7 and 4 y/o) with my ex .
We have been split coming up to 4 years.
He has saw our daughters when it suits him. He has gone months without seeing them or even asking how they are. Even times where i have had them ready and waiting and he hasnt showed up. I could go on and on.. But getting to the now.. He hasn't saw them for coming up to 6 months now.. He has told me he will see them soon.. But i dont want my children messed around and asking where 'daddy is' when he vanishes off the face of the earth again. angry
He is a vile person. He has no respect . i dont feel like my children are safe and looked after when they are with him .
Theyve came home in the past unwashed and hairs not brushed. My eldest told me he let my youngest up and down the stairs alone ( she isnt used to stairs as i live in a flat) ...
he has been violent to his current partner ( bit her face - he admitted to it)
I want the best for my children . and he isnt what a dad should be..
Ive told him all of this but he doesn't seem to care. He says i cant stop him seeing them but im at the end of my tether ive gave him enough chances to prove himself and he isn't. What can i do sad

Tinch89 Mon 21-Mar-16 00:39:11

Apologies if im not on the right thread. Im new here.

KateInKorea Mon 21-Mar-16 00:39:52

Stop chasing him and start being unavailable.

Tinch89 Mon 21-Mar-16 00:54:13

I am definitely not chasing him believe me. Im just worried because i dont want him messing the children about but he said i cant stop him seeing them .

Atenco Mon 21-Mar-16 01:11:44

I suppose you can actually stop him seeing them, unless there is a court order in place.

Friendlystories Mon 21-Mar-16 01:56:19

You can just refuse and he would then have to apply to court for a contact order which he would have to pay for. If he did apply it would cost him about £215 if he represents himself, much more if he wants a solicitor to represent him and you would both have to attend mediation beforehand which I think you both have to pay for, that's about £40-£60 if I remember correctly, just to give you an idea of costs. The good thing about this process is it does give you chance to put forward any concerns you have, if his violence towards his partner was reported that could be taken into account, as could your DC being neglected on previous visits to him and you could push for supervised access in a contact centre. Be aware the courts decision may not go the way you want it to and you would need to be confident enough to speak in court unless you can afford a solicitor but, if the alternative is to just allow unsupervised contact as and when he demands it, you possibly don't have much to lose by giving it a try. Even if they awarded him unsupervised access at least court ordered contact would be on specific days and times and he would have to stick to them so there would be less scope for him to mess the children around. All this is, of course, dependant on him actually being bothered enough to apply to court and pay for the privilege, which from what you've said he may not be, and whether or not you're really ok with the possibility that it may mean their father not being in their lives at all. The other consideration is whether he's likely to be violent towards you if you refuse contact and try to force him to go to court if he wants to see the children, if that's a possibility you obviously need to take steps to ensure your safety first and foremost. I don't know whether there's any organisations who might be able to give you more in depth advice about all this, if so I'm sure other posters will be able to suggest someone.

Tinch89 Mon 21-Mar-16 07:20:13

Thankyou for your reply.

sepa Mon 21-Mar-16 12:56:27

If he is violent to his partner then surely that is grounds to stop him seeing your kids (I'm sure courts wouldn't look favourable on someone who has admitted to violence)
I would just stop contact with him - kids have prior arrangements or something.

Tinch89 Mon 21-Mar-16 16:49:24

Its also on police record so hopefully that will standup in court if it comes to that.

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