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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Should I let my 3 year old continue to sleep with us at night?

19 replies

Wills · 04/01/2007 23:22

I'm hoping this isn't too late at night to start this debate. I'm really torn between letting her stay and pushing her back to her own bed so would be interested in people's opinions on both sides.

On the one hand I do feel that humans are the only animals to push their young out at an early age and not sleep with them and that my 3 year old (and baby son who is only 7 months) get a lot of comfort and security from sleeping with us (although my 6 year old rarely comes in as she finds her father's snorning too loud ). On the other however despite having bought a queen size bed to house my brood at night my tiny 3 year old seems perfectly capable of taking up 99% of a 6ft wide bed, of insisting on removal of all covers during winter and of keeping me awake to the point where I'm struggling not to turn into bad tempered grouchy mummy. Attempts to impose any kind of control over my 3 year old's whims are met with crying which of course wakes up the 7 month old and from there its bedlam. I've spent the last 3 nights in the spare room. This wasn't my idea of family sleeping.

OP posts:

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nothercules · 04/01/2007 23:23

You need to get a super king size bed!

Wills · 04/01/2007 23:24

A queen is a super king. Sorry old fashioned phrase. Presumably the queens were regularly fatter than the kings

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nothercules · 04/01/2007 23:26

I cosleep with dd who is 3 in a queen/superking bed and it's fine. However dh works nights and on his nights off sleeps downstairs as he cant sleep upstairs at night.

JustUsTwo · 04/01/2007 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thelittleElf · 04/01/2007 23:27

Is your eldest and youngest sharing a room? Is there any possible way for them to sleep in different rooms?

Wills · 04/01/2007 23:33

Nope eldest is in her own bedroom and funnily enough prefers it. Youngest is in his cot by my bed. Middle one is causing the issues.

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littlemissbossy · 04/01/2007 23:35

Is the middle one causing the issues because the youngest is by your bed? or was this going on before?

Wills · 04/01/2007 23:37

It was definitely an issue before our son arrived but she's also cottoned on that causing a scene will result in her getting her way iyswim.

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thelittleElf · 04/01/2007 23:37

In that case, maybe it's now time to move the youngest out of your room. I understand this may be hard for you, but the middle child might be coming in because he see's his sibling is in your room - so in his mind why shouldn't he?

When you've got three children to deal with a good nights sleep is so important for a good day hun. That way you can return him to HIS room without unsettling the others?

I know it's easy for me to say, as i don't have children of my own, but as a childcare professional, i KNOW this is an ideal solution for your situation.

thelittleElf · 04/01/2007 23:39

Sorry, just noticed it's your daughter you are having probs with - not that that makes any difference iykwim

littlemissbossy · 04/01/2007 23:40

that's not a bad idea, how old is your youngest child?

emkana · 04/01/2007 23:40

What about her bedroom - can you do something to make it really nice and inviting, maybe buy new bedspread/decorate whatever, depending on time/money.

BUT then don't try to talk her into sleeping there, or try to force it, but make her feel that she can sleep with you for as long as she likes.

I think you will find that before long she will choose to sleep in her own bed. I think at this age and with a younger sibling around they just want to know that they can sleep with you if they want to, and then actually quite like the idea of their own bed.

Wills · 04/01/2007 23:41

No worries. I agree that a happy mum is the best mum and that a tired mum is never as good as a rested one. The problem is that I feel her reach out during the night for me. If I move she moves with me. If I leave the bed most of the time she will curl up with her daddy on the other side, yet this morning she burst into tears. So I don't think that moving her back to her bed is an easy route. But then nor is doing without sleep hence my dilema.

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Wills · 04/01/2007 23:44

But emkana as my dh so elequontly put it when discussing when to move ds out. "But we've yet to evict dd2!" I have put in a night light, bought her things for her room etc etc. Since coming out of her cot at 2 years old she has pretty much wandered into our bedroom every night. The appearance of ds wasn't until she was almost 3.

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thelittleElf · 04/01/2007 23:47

I do understand! Try and perservere with returning her to her bed, especially if YOU are especially tired. A friend of mine had this very same problem, and i gave her the same advice as i have given you. Unfortunatly she chose not to listen to the advice, as it was too much hassle, and as a result, her daughter was still sleeping in their bed at age 6. She is now nearly 8, and it has taken nearly 2 yrs to get 'H' to sleep and stay in her own room.

I really do understand how hard this is to deal with as a parent. You have the emotional ties that i don't have, but i can completely understand that you are knackered and in need of a good constant sleep.xx

Keep strong x

littlemissbossy · 04/01/2007 23:47

At whatever point you decide to get her to sleep in her own bed - and only you can decide - it ain't going to be easy. IME, and my youngest DS was a nightmare at getting into a proper bedtime routine and to stop him coming into our bed - it was the cruel to be kind method that finally worked. As soon as he came in, I took him by the hand and returned him to his bed, no real talking or attention, just put back in and said goodnight. Yes I was bloody tired and he would get up over and over again but it did work eventually. I appreciate for you that it's extra difficult with having the baby but the sooner it's tackle the sooner it's solved IYSWIM. HTH

emkana · 04/01/2007 23:48

My dd1 is five and a half and still regularly slept with us until she was just over five, but now she never comes in anymore. Dd2 has times when she sleeps with us, but it's getting better.
I feel that it is good for their emotional wellbeing to feel that they're allowed to be close to you, that they don't have to be alone at night.
But at the end of the day it's a personal thing!
What I'm trying to say is: You might spend a lot of energy now trying to "evict" her, when it might be a thing that will naturally pass over the next few months anyway if you roll with it. And if you or your dh spend a night here and there in the spare room to get some decent sleep - does it really matter?

nothercules · 04/01/2007 23:49

If it's really a problem for you then something needs to happen. It is a personal thing and cosleeping doesnt bother me at all.

TooTickyDoves · 05/01/2007 00:25

I still co-sleep with ds2 (5) and dd2 (18m). Ds2 has only recently started talking about having his own bed but dd2 will not want to let him go! I think, as long as you are happy, co-sleeping is fabulous. Wish I had carried on for longer with dd1 and ds1.

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